one

a close friend of mine (and mother of 3) once told me that she felt the first birthday of a child should also be a celebration for the parents...because the parents survived that first year. i agree with this statement. the first year of a child's life is brutal. not brutal for them, of course...but brutal for the people that have to take care of these needy little creatures. think about it, they can't do anything for themselves, especially the first couple of months. nothing. (not one thing.) they depend on you for food, comfort...and cleaning up their shitty diapers. and here's the thing...in the beginning, these shenanigans are around the clock. it doesn't end at 9pm, you get a good 8 hours rest and then you do it over again. you have to be on your game 24 hours a day. babies don't wear watches...and they don't give a hoot whether it is 2pm or 2am. if they are hungry...you better feed them. (now.)

after the first three months...things do tend to get a little easier. they start sleeping longer stretches of time, they don't need to eat every two minutes...they don't crap every time they finish a meal. it does get easier. however, it's not an effing johnson and johnson commercial at all. even with carrie (who was a proclaimed "easy" baby) i wasn't washing her slowly and deliberately with a warm wash cloth, with my manicured nails, as i brushed a strand of clean hair out of my makeup covered face...while the baby cooed and babbled from the bubbly water. it was more like i was leaned over a bathtub in the same clothes i was wearing the night before, greasy hair plastered to my head and no makeup at all...as she sometimes screamed through the whole thing. they should show the real shit in the commercials...but i bet they wouldn't sell as much of their tear free soap as they would like.

i will say that the first year ride was much easier with my second child, than with my first. i don't know if i was less anal and more laid back...or if she was just a unicorn. (see unicorn) either way, i didn't want to swan dive off the bay bridge nearly as many times (during the first year), with carrie as i did with ella. (ella was very demanding...i can't blame her, so am i.) carrie is very laid back, but just started sleeping consistently through the night in the last 3 weeks. right in time for the last weeks of school. (awesome timing, kid.) i've said before that i kinda put the middle of the night duties on myself from the very beginning. 1. because butch doesn't have breasts. and 2. he's useless in the middle of the night. 3. it was just easier to do it myself. however, when month 8 rolled around and she was still yelling at us from the across the hall...i was on the brink of losing my mind. (and i did. several times.) usually i would feed her, put her back down...and then come back and "accidentally" kick him in the nutsack while climbing back into bed. my favorite is that most mornings, he would have to ask if she got up. finally i told him to just quit asking. (or get a well deserved punch in the teeth.) he stopped asking.

sleep is so important. if you don't believe me....set your alarm like 4 different times throughout the night, wake up, then try to go back to sleep. then wake up for the day and try to function like a normal human. it doesn't work. (brutal.) eventually though, you do get used to this asinine way of life and you depend of caffeine (or crack) to get you through the day. it becomes the new normal...and you just deal with it, because you really don't have another choice. even when they are sleeping (daytime or nighttime)...you are at the ready for them to wake up, because they are going to need something. they can't feed themselves, they can't use the bathroom, they can't vocalize what they want and they need shit. (all. the. freakin.' time.) it can be exhausting...but as you near the finish line of first year, they become a bit more self sufficient. they need less things, not as many times during the day...and you start to feel like a normal person again. by normal i mean not normal, though. (parenting makes you bat shit crazy.)

the thing is, no matter how much of a pain in the ass your children are...you love them unconditionally. they can take you to the very edge of reason, but at the end of the day (and sleepless night)...there is no other love like it. you can't love anything more than you love your child. they show you what real love is. it is one of the most pure and unbelievable things. (ever.) so although this past year has passed quickly (and sometimes painfully)...we survived. carrie has changed from a tiny newborn to a happy, bubbly, laughing, big-boned baby. (her thighs are just awesome.) she (along with her crazy counterpart) has brought more joy and happiness to my life than i could imagine. so after she finished her cupcake with one candle, butch bathed her with johnson and johnson, and i laid her down to bed...i came downstairs and poured myself one large stemless glass of (boxed) wine. happy first birthday carrie paige...cheers to both of us surviving the past year. may you have many more birthdays to celebrate...and many more years to make me crazy.