first of all, it's been fifteen years since we've graduated high school!? FIFTEEN YEARS!? back in the good old milennium year, i remember thinking about what my reunions would be like ten, fifteen, twenty years and beyond. i guess i never imagined that they would a. come so fast and b. i would be where i am today. at the 10 year reunion i tucked my dress into my underwear upon leaving the restroom and almost made it to the dance floor before someone told me. (classy, i know.) think about who you were when you graduated high school, what you thought your life would look like, what you wanted to "be" when you grew up. maybe you already knew those answers when you put on that cap and gown. (me? i wasn't so sure.) personally, although parts of high school were a smashing good time...it also kinda sucked. that period where we are trying to figure out ourselves and make sense of the world is difficult, and when you are trying to do that with a bunch of people that are going through the same thing...it's hard. putting a large group of hormonal teenagers with many different personalities together in one building and expecting a favorable outcome is like poking a bee hive and not expecting any bees to fly out. i can't image the impact that social media has played in the lives of now high schoolers. truth be told, i'm kinda glad we had landline phones, handwritten notes, and that things like ICQ were just emerging from the explosion of technology we have today.
however, i've been thinking recently a lot about the fact that social media has allowed me to keep in touch with former classmates and see where they are and what they are doing now. although i was not "friends" per se with these people in high school, i always wonder what everyone is up to. i love, LOVE people's stories (no matter who you are) and so social media has opened that book (so to speak). i share your joys (and sometimes your pain) and with a life that is literally super short...why not? when i tell new people how close i am to some of my classmates from high school, they kind of stare at me blankly like that's not even possible. however, i feel the loss of a fellow classmate in our junior year solidified those bonds. when jon died, his mom said something to me that stuck with me always. she said, "he will forever be seventeen. he won't graduate, he won't have a family, he won't grow old. he will always be seventeen in our hearts and minds. in some ways it's a gift, and in some ways it's a curse." therefore, as we flashforward more than 15 years, i still think about the man he would be today and who his friends would be. i wonder if he would've gone to college, gotten married, or had a family. i wonder if he would be a single bachelor and loving every minute of it. we don't know, nor will we ever know. (forever seventeen.)
i guess my point of this post is this. jon's death in high school shattered everything that i thought i knew in my safe little world. up until that point, i had lost no one that i truly remembered or knew personally. it changed the way i lived and changed the way felt about, well, everything. in college, i went through a particularly low point and much of it stemmed from never really dealing with grief and loss a few years before. as i overcame that, i realized what a gift it is to simply be alive. to laugh with the people we love. to meet new people and also enjoy the company of old friends. to simply...live. when people say, "life is short"...they aren't lying. the past fifteen years flew by faster than i could have even imagined. if you would've told me my senior year that i would be living and teaching in maryland, married to butchie (that was his high school nickname for those of you that don't know), and have two children i would have told you you were a liar...as i slugged back some lager from a can that i stole from my dad's stash. furthermore, many of our classmates have lost parents far too soon and i sympathize with them whole-heartedly. each day we have on this earth is a true gift, and if we don't give it our all...we are doing an injustice to not only ourselves, but to everybody.
on the eve of our fifteenth year class reunion, i want you to think about the relationships we had as teenagers and think about how far we've come since then. i want you to think about your story and what you've written for yourself over the years. quite honestly, whether you are married or divorced, single or spoken for, kidless or choc fulla offspring, employed or jobless...i really don't give a rats ass. all i know is fifteen years ago we survived 4 of the most awkward and trying times in our teenage lives and made it out on the other side. whoever those kids were back in high school and the relationships we shared (no matter how superficial)...they mattered. whether we were friends or not really doesn't matter either. what matters now is the way we treat each other, now that we all know better. we are all here to tell our stories and share in awkward conversation. (i live for awkward conversation.) if you are on the fence about showing up to the reunion, just come. hell, i didn't pay twenty bucks to hang out with fen and warren. (seriously.) may we raise our glasses to the teenagers we were and the adults (using that loosely) that we've become...also sharing in the memory of a classmate who won't be attending, but will most definitely be there in spirit. also, if i accidentally tuck my dress into my under garments, please kindly let me know before i hit the dance floor. let's party.
Friday, August 21, 2015
Sunday, August 16, 2015
folly
so my morning started when i rolled over to my three year old staring into my eyeballs, earnestly asking me to velcro up her princess gown that was on over her pajamas. then (while i still had one eye open) my husband told me he was going to run out to get a newspaper. a newspaper on a sunday can only mean one thing...coupons. his couponing addiction has fallen by the wayside since his most recent endeavor that includes wanting to look like arnold schwarzenegger. (workout city, man!) i mean, i am kinda happy about that though, because he was going nuts at one point and bringing home, like, polident by the truckload...and neither one of us wears dentures (i swear this is true.) so when he said he was going for the paper, i rolled my eyes, but didn't say much about it. he came back and started clipping and i asked him how he knew what were the best deals. he said (and i quote), "couponmom.com does all the math for me, and then i just go out and get it." (coupon. mom. dot. com.) i said, "so what are you in the market for today?" he went on, "well, there are great deals on pert plus and nivea body wash." i said oh. (just oh.) so he disappeared into the morning light again to walgreens and came home with...14 bottles collectively of hygiene products. 4 ginormous bottles of pert plus and 10 (TEN) bottles of nivea body wash. basically we have enough soap to last us until the end of time. not one head or body in this house will ever be dirty. (ever.)
he's always like a kid in a candy store when he shares his stash and savings with me. apparently he got the shampoo for $1 a bottle and the nivea at about $1.50 a bottle. (he's like a wizard of washing products.) i can only deduce that this sudden interest came about from frivolous spending brought on by vacation. i'm pretty sure that's why he got his boxers in a bunch and went out specifically to save some cash (i can't be certain though.) speaking of vacation, i believe this is the first vacation that we can really call a vacation since we've had kids. mainly, i found that taking a trip with extended family turns out the only way you can actually have a minute to relax while on vacation. i mean, we went from 4 hands to take care of their snack, drink, entertainment, potty, meal, and nap needs to FOURTEEN extra hands. plus, many of those extra hands don't have small children to tend to on a daily basis, so they were all for it. i actually found time in the day to do simple things like pee alone and read a coupla pages of a book (it was glorious). if i could make a recommendation to people with small children it is this: vacation with your entire family, the more hands the better. plus, i didn't feel guilty because my kids got to spend time with grandparents, aunts, and uncles whom they don't get to see very often. (HIGHLY recommend it, people.) the last long day of vacation we spend hanging out near the ocean, beer in hand. we were one of the last people on the beach that day and when we got back i decided to check some work voice mails and emails that i had neglected throughout the week. (bad idea.)
let me start this story by explaining something first...although i am friendly with most of my coworkers, we aren't all chummy. there are a select few that i share my personal business with, but mostly i try to keep it professional. i don't go to work happy hours, i don't get wound up at the christmas party, i don't ever really show that side of myself with colleagues ever. that being said, my principal and i have a great relationship and a shared sense of humor. we like to crack jokes and have a love of sarcasm. so when i got a voicemail from her on friday evening, one that i had originally received on wednesday, i felt really bad. usually i get right back to her, but i was on vacation and didn't realize it was actually her calling me. so anyway, i logged on to work email and saw we had THE email that every teacher dreads at the end of the summer, the "back to school email" from the principal. i read through it and then decided to send her a message back saying sorry for not getting back to her voicemail sooner. this is what i wrote: "dear so and so!! i just listened to your voicemail from wednesday, as i am on vacation at the beach with loads of family and immersed in booze and food that is bad for you. SO, so sorry i didn't get back to you sooner. i hope i'm not fired...that would really suck. hope to talk to you soon! signed, your second favorite kindergarten teacher (we all know ms. walson is your first)." i hit send.
about a half hour later, the kids were in bed and i cracked another beer, only to discover that i had a text message from ms. walson. it read as follows: "ummmm..did you mean to reply all to the email?!?! the ENTIRE staff got your email. by the way, thanks for the shoutout! (wink face.)" WHHHHHAAATTTTTTT! i had to go back and read what i wrote, but thought oh hell, i need to bandaid this somehow. so i sent other email to my coworkers (ballsy? i don't know.) it went like this: "hello. that email was supposed to go to ms. so and so only! my awesome colleague ms. walson informed me i hit reply all...and also thanked me for the shout out in the email as well. it's my last day of beach vacation...forgive me. see you all monday. i'll bring the mimosas." immediately the young gentleman of a music teacher emailed me back and said, "you are the TRUE MVP already!! i wanna be like you when i grow up!" (subject line: MVP!!!) i died. so anyways, that's how that all went down. i start work tomorrow morning (cue violin music) after a summer of shenanigans and i'm really not sure what i am walking in to due to my folly. hopefully my principal still has her sense of humor, otherwise i am shit outta luck in that department. i guess i'm really starting this school year off with a bang. at least i will be squeaky clean for my first day, due to all the pert plus and nivea products in our household. in lieu of mimosas, maybe i should go in tomorrow waving around free polident and discounted body wash? professionally speaking, probably not.
he's always like a kid in a candy store when he shares his stash and savings with me. apparently he got the shampoo for $1 a bottle and the nivea at about $1.50 a bottle. (he's like a wizard of washing products.) i can only deduce that this sudden interest came about from frivolous spending brought on by vacation. i'm pretty sure that's why he got his boxers in a bunch and went out specifically to save some cash (i can't be certain though.) speaking of vacation, i believe this is the first vacation that we can really call a vacation since we've had kids. mainly, i found that taking a trip with extended family turns out the only way you can actually have a minute to relax while on vacation. i mean, we went from 4 hands to take care of their snack, drink, entertainment, potty, meal, and nap needs to FOURTEEN extra hands. plus, many of those extra hands don't have small children to tend to on a daily basis, so they were all for it. i actually found time in the day to do simple things like pee alone and read a coupla pages of a book (it was glorious). if i could make a recommendation to people with small children it is this: vacation with your entire family, the more hands the better. plus, i didn't feel guilty because my kids got to spend time with grandparents, aunts, and uncles whom they don't get to see very often. (HIGHLY recommend it, people.) the last long day of vacation we spend hanging out near the ocean, beer in hand. we were one of the last people on the beach that day and when we got back i decided to check some work voice mails and emails that i had neglected throughout the week. (bad idea.)
let me start this story by explaining something first...although i am friendly with most of my coworkers, we aren't all chummy. there are a select few that i share my personal business with, but mostly i try to keep it professional. i don't go to work happy hours, i don't get wound up at the christmas party, i don't ever really show that side of myself with colleagues ever. that being said, my principal and i have a great relationship and a shared sense of humor. we like to crack jokes and have a love of sarcasm. so when i got a voicemail from her on friday evening, one that i had originally received on wednesday, i felt really bad. usually i get right back to her, but i was on vacation and didn't realize it was actually her calling me. so anyway, i logged on to work email and saw we had THE email that every teacher dreads at the end of the summer, the "back to school email" from the principal. i read through it and then decided to send her a message back saying sorry for not getting back to her voicemail sooner. this is what i wrote: "dear so and so!! i just listened to your voicemail from wednesday, as i am on vacation at the beach with loads of family and immersed in booze and food that is bad for you. SO, so sorry i didn't get back to you sooner. i hope i'm not fired...that would really suck. hope to talk to you soon! signed, your second favorite kindergarten teacher (we all know ms. walson is your first)." i hit send.
about a half hour later, the kids were in bed and i cracked another beer, only to discover that i had a text message from ms. walson. it read as follows: "ummmm..did you mean to reply all to the email?!?! the ENTIRE staff got your email. by the way, thanks for the shoutout! (wink face.)" WHHHHHAAATTTTTTT! i had to go back and read what i wrote, but thought oh hell, i need to bandaid this somehow. so i sent other email to my coworkers (ballsy? i don't know.) it went like this: "hello. that email was supposed to go to ms. so and so only! my awesome colleague ms. walson informed me i hit reply all...and also thanked me for the shout out in the email as well. it's my last day of beach vacation...forgive me. see you all monday. i'll bring the mimosas." immediately the young gentleman of a music teacher emailed me back and said, "you are the TRUE MVP already!! i wanna be like you when i grow up!" (subject line: MVP!!!) i died. so anyways, that's how that all went down. i start work tomorrow morning (cue violin music) after a summer of shenanigans and i'm really not sure what i am walking in to due to my folly. hopefully my principal still has her sense of humor, otherwise i am shit outta luck in that department. i guess i'm really starting this school year off with a bang. at least i will be squeaky clean for my first day, due to all the pert plus and nivea products in our household. in lieu of mimosas, maybe i should go in tomorrow waving around free polident and discounted body wash? professionally speaking, probably not.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
advice
so today i spent a small fortune on ella's school supplies...so much so that i had to head to the bank right after to apply for a second mortgage. (not really, but close.) all jokes aside, know that no matter what you spend on your kid's school supplies, your kid's teacher probably spends quadruple that out of her own pocket every school year. now that i have a kid that is going to kindergarten in a few weeks, i feel like i can really tell you some things that your kid's teacher (kindergarten or otherwise) really wants you to know...my tale of expensive school supplies leads me right to number 1.
1. don't skimp on school supplies. if your kid's list says get a 24 count box of crayola crayons, don't improvise and get a 64 pack of rose arts. if you think you are doing your kid a favor by buying them 40 more crayons than they need, you aren't. the quantity goes up, the quality goes down. while your kid is becoming frustrated by the lackluster color and broken wax in his hand, his buddy next to him is drawing creamy dreamlike pictures with his crayolas. same goes for scissors. if the list says get "fiskars" brand, don't go off the beaten path and buy, like, "whiskers." (they don't work) we have done extensive research on this subject in the form of observation. just buy what the list says and if you can't afford it, be honest and let your kid's teacher know...she'll probably foot the bill or find a way to help you out. trust me on this one. sidebar: also get everything on the list so that your kid's teacher doesn't have to harass you later on. it's annoying for both of us.
2. make your kid carry their own stuff. the first day, your kid is going to have bags of supplies (see above) and you may have to help them out (that's okay). however, on any other day if you are toting your kids book bag or lunchbox for them (no matter how young), you are doing them a disservice. we are trying to create independent, capable kids that can function in society. if they can't even carry their own back pack, what are we telling them? (to be lazy?) if it's too heavy for them, then you put too much crap in there that they don't need. plus, you look really silly with that frozen themed satchel slung over your shoulder. your kid can handle carrying their own crap. furthermore, why wouldn't you want them to? it's less work for you! hand them their book bag and lunch box, explain to them it's their responsibility to carry them and send them on their merry way. wave to elsa and anna as they sachet down the hall.
3. label everything. remember how i just stated that it's their responsibility to carry their own stuff? welp, it's also their responsibility to not lose their own stuff. now being that some of these kiddos haven't had to be responsible for many things in their young lives...they are bound to lose stuff. (it's gonna happen.) you may think that young susie would never misplace her beloved new sweater that was bought only for school, but she will. if you write her name on the label, you have a good chance of getting it back. if you don't, it goes to the lost and found. the lost and found in my school is like a black abyss of doom. actually, when i show parents the sheer magnitude of what is the school lost and found, they usually stand there, mouths agape. if half of these parents would label their kids stuff, this tragic phenomenon wouldn't happen. oh, and initials don't work either. (do you know how many J. W.'s there are in a school? a lot.) just do it. it takes a second and a sharpie, and you won't want to ring your kids neck when they lose their new jacket for the fourth time that school year. whip out your permanent marker and go wild.
4. don't linger in the classroom. especially on the first day, your kid's teacher is trying to get acclimated and get to know your little buttercup, without you. no matter what the grade, when you linger in the classroom, it's a distraction to the teacher and to your kid. if you want to visit any other day, go for it! i welcome parents anytime in my classroom. however, that being said, it is always nice to have a heads up. imagine if i just waltzed in your office unannounced, just to say hello and stood there while you did your job. it could be mighty awkward and a distraction (imagine what that's like to a room full of kids!) we want you to be a part of your child's learning, but it's just common courtesy. plus, if you tell us in advance, we may give you fun stuff to do like rip pages out of a book or work with a group of students! (wahoo!) trust that the teacher knows what they are doing (most do) and trust that your kid is going to be okay (most will be just fine!). the ones that cry the first day (typically in kindergarten) are usually singing and smiling by day 2 (or minute 2.) i promise.
5. whatever you do, don't refer to your child as a genius. naming your child as a "genius," or "above average," or "brilliant" to his/her teacher makes you sound...kinda like a fool. whether your child really is a young bill shakespeare or not, we will figure it out quite quickly. also, i have found in my experience that children love to make a liar out of you. the minute after you tell me how bright your kid is and walk out of the room, they are the first one doing arm-pit farts or picking their nose. another thing to not say along these lines is that you "hope your child isn't bored" at school. children very rarely get bored in same way adults do. they find the fun and wonder in everything. therefore, if you think your young al einstein is going to be twiddling his thumbs in class, you are wrong. (he'll be alright.) plus, i know it doesn't sound like it, but saying your "child might get bored" is a direct insult to his teacher. we strive to keep kids motivated and engaged most of time they are with us. by pulling the boredom card you are being offensive whether you want to be or not.
these are my top five for now, but i'll probably have more to add to the list as the swimming supplies are put away at the stores and the back to school stuff makes its debut. let me just say that i cannot believe i am starting my 10th year of teaching and my first born is starting her first day of kindergarten in a few weeks. i suppose the shock of expensive school supplies is just the beginning of seeing the flip side of things in regard to teaching. i look forward to what this year is going to bring for my brilliant child. i can't wait to saunter down the hall with her frozen knapsack adorning my back and then linger in the classroom on the first day. her brand new lunchbox will inevitably be lost and unfound, because i forgot to put her name on it. however, i'm sure she will have a great time in the classroom coloring with her rose arts and cutting with her whisker scissors. just kidding, that was all sarcasm. however, i surely hope i don't turn out to be a hypocrite and end up following my own advice this year. (probably not...but it's worth a shot.) i will say, though, that i already have my sharpie locked and loaded. look out.
1. don't skimp on school supplies. if your kid's list says get a 24 count box of crayola crayons, don't improvise and get a 64 pack of rose arts. if you think you are doing your kid a favor by buying them 40 more crayons than they need, you aren't. the quantity goes up, the quality goes down. while your kid is becoming frustrated by the lackluster color and broken wax in his hand, his buddy next to him is drawing creamy dreamlike pictures with his crayolas. same goes for scissors. if the list says get "fiskars" brand, don't go off the beaten path and buy, like, "whiskers." (they don't work) we have done extensive research on this subject in the form of observation. just buy what the list says and if you can't afford it, be honest and let your kid's teacher know...she'll probably foot the bill or find a way to help you out. trust me on this one. sidebar: also get everything on the list so that your kid's teacher doesn't have to harass you later on. it's annoying for both of us.
2. make your kid carry their own stuff. the first day, your kid is going to have bags of supplies (see above) and you may have to help them out (that's okay). however, on any other day if you are toting your kids book bag or lunchbox for them (no matter how young), you are doing them a disservice. we are trying to create independent, capable kids that can function in society. if they can't even carry their own back pack, what are we telling them? (to be lazy?) if it's too heavy for them, then you put too much crap in there that they don't need. plus, you look really silly with that frozen themed satchel slung over your shoulder. your kid can handle carrying their own crap. furthermore, why wouldn't you want them to? it's less work for you! hand them their book bag and lunch box, explain to them it's their responsibility to carry them and send them on their merry way. wave to elsa and anna as they sachet down the hall.
3. label everything. remember how i just stated that it's their responsibility to carry their own stuff? welp, it's also their responsibility to not lose their own stuff. now being that some of these kiddos haven't had to be responsible for many things in their young lives...they are bound to lose stuff. (it's gonna happen.) you may think that young susie would never misplace her beloved new sweater that was bought only for school, but she will. if you write her name on the label, you have a good chance of getting it back. if you don't, it goes to the lost and found. the lost and found in my school is like a black abyss of doom. actually, when i show parents the sheer magnitude of what is the school lost and found, they usually stand there, mouths agape. if half of these parents would label their kids stuff, this tragic phenomenon wouldn't happen. oh, and initials don't work either. (do you know how many J. W.'s there are in a school? a lot.) just do it. it takes a second and a sharpie, and you won't want to ring your kids neck when they lose their new jacket for the fourth time that school year. whip out your permanent marker and go wild.
4. don't linger in the classroom. especially on the first day, your kid's teacher is trying to get acclimated and get to know your little buttercup, without you. no matter what the grade, when you linger in the classroom, it's a distraction to the teacher and to your kid. if you want to visit any other day, go for it! i welcome parents anytime in my classroom. however, that being said, it is always nice to have a heads up. imagine if i just waltzed in your office unannounced, just to say hello and stood there while you did your job. it could be mighty awkward and a distraction (imagine what that's like to a room full of kids!) we want you to be a part of your child's learning, but it's just common courtesy. plus, if you tell us in advance, we may give you fun stuff to do like rip pages out of a book or work with a group of students! (wahoo!) trust that the teacher knows what they are doing (most do) and trust that your kid is going to be okay (most will be just fine!). the ones that cry the first day (typically in kindergarten) are usually singing and smiling by day 2 (or minute 2.) i promise.
5. whatever you do, don't refer to your child as a genius. naming your child as a "genius," or "above average," or "brilliant" to his/her teacher makes you sound...kinda like a fool. whether your child really is a young bill shakespeare or not, we will figure it out quite quickly. also, i have found in my experience that children love to make a liar out of you. the minute after you tell me how bright your kid is and walk out of the room, they are the first one doing arm-pit farts or picking their nose. another thing to not say along these lines is that you "hope your child isn't bored" at school. children very rarely get bored in same way adults do. they find the fun and wonder in everything. therefore, if you think your young al einstein is going to be twiddling his thumbs in class, you are wrong. (he'll be alright.) plus, i know it doesn't sound like it, but saying your "child might get bored" is a direct insult to his teacher. we strive to keep kids motivated and engaged most of time they are with us. by pulling the boredom card you are being offensive whether you want to be or not.
these are my top five for now, but i'll probably have more to add to the list as the swimming supplies are put away at the stores and the back to school stuff makes its debut. let me just say that i cannot believe i am starting my 10th year of teaching and my first born is starting her first day of kindergarten in a few weeks. i suppose the shock of expensive school supplies is just the beginning of seeing the flip side of things in regard to teaching. i look forward to what this year is going to bring for my brilliant child. i can't wait to saunter down the hall with her frozen knapsack adorning my back and then linger in the classroom on the first day. her brand new lunchbox will inevitably be lost and unfound, because i forgot to put her name on it. however, i'm sure she will have a great time in the classroom coloring with her rose arts and cutting with her whisker scissors. just kidding, that was all sarcasm. however, i surely hope i don't turn out to be a hypocrite and end up following my own advice this year. (probably not...but it's worth a shot.) i will say, though, that i already have my sharpie locked and loaded. look out.
Sunday, August 2, 2015
blessed
so yesterday i walked upstairs and i heard one child crying on the toilet due to constipation, saw the other child hiding in the bedroom pooping her own pants...and they were talking to coach each other through it by yelling through the hallway. as i stood there for a minute, i thought...is this really happening? i mean, both kids are taking a crap and having a conversation about it? (this is my life.) in the meantime, my husband and youngest brother were running around the house trying to get things prepared for a spartan race. oh yes, you heard that right...warren signed up and successfully completed a spartan race. you know how they have those couch to 5k programs? well he went from lazy boy to obstacle course in 6 months flat. i will say that the new and improved model of my husband is much more happy. he helps out around the house and spends less time scratching his nuts on the couch. he definitely spends more time now working out than laying around balls akimbo in the living room. exercise motivates you to be more motivated in other aspects of your life...and he is a prime example. i mean, i really had no choice ever to be motivated because my kids needed my constant attention. (since their birth.) however, now that he's all hands on deck, it's much more pleasant around the house. i don't feel like i want to swan dive off the bay bridge because of all my responsibilities and he doesn't feel like a tubba goo laying on the lazy boy. (it's a win-win.)
i have come to the point in the summer where i am ready to go back to work. (you heard that right.) i have said many times that i was never cut out to be a stay at home mom and when summertime forces me to do just that, i go a little crackers. i know, i know...i'm hashtag blessed to be able to spend more time with my kiddos, and i'm not negating that. i would willingly lay on the tracks for either one of them, but having them inserted in my anal cavity 24 hours a day is not my cup of tea. i hit a breaking point sometime last week when i heard "mommy" for the 3,384th time. i yelled, "CALL ME SOMETHING ELSSSSSE! ANYTHING!" ella has since started calling me "mama"...which has a better ring to it if you ask me. i am almost tempted to have them call me, like, madonna or betty sue or something. butch said, "why is ella calling you mama?" i shrugged my shoulders, but know my outburst had something to do with it. carrie still yells mommmEEEEE and enunciates the "E" for good measure. (she's awesome like that.) that night, i finally sat down on the couch at 7:42pm and heard my husband get out of the downstairs shower. (he was afraid to tell me he forgot a towel.) so instead of asking, fearing i may lose my last shit on him, he covered his balls with his dirty boxers and ran wet through the living room and up the stairs. (making eye contact with no one.) i looked at the kids, who were eyes wide, like what the hell just happened?!...and i could not stop laughing. for the record, i would've gotten him a towel, but what ended up happening was much more funny.
so i have one more week of being a professional snack maker (seriously, my kids eat snacks ALL DAMN DAY!), one week of beach vacation...and then i'm back to work. how the hell does the summer always go so fast? anyways, i'll have to jog my brain on how to do normal things like commute to work...and wear shoes. my husband will get one extra week at home solo with our little chickadees, so that could get a little dicey. if my patience level is at about a 7, he's at about a 2 most of the time with them. maybe he'll hit the point when he's heard "daddy" too many times and ask them to call him something else. i hope they choose something cooler like mick jagger or big papa. incidents like the conversation piece between constipation and crapping their pants i'm sure will continue to happen between sisters. it's things like this that make me question my sanity sometimes. (coaching each other through a crap?!) speaking of conversations about the commode, carrie has successfully started potty training! (well, the pee yes...the poop not yet.) therefore, the tour de shitter has now gone double time, as we visit every bathroom of every establishment we go to. today we went to tj maxx, so add that to the list of toilets i've seen in the greater annapolis area. i'm thinking about creating an app where parents can check in to the bathrooms and rate them. (good idea?) so onto another summer week of swimming, snack making, and hammock swinging. no worries, as stated before, i know that i am hashtag blessed...but it still doesn't mean i want to lose my shit every once in a while. betty sue...over and out.
i have come to the point in the summer where i am ready to go back to work. (you heard that right.) i have said many times that i was never cut out to be a stay at home mom and when summertime forces me to do just that, i go a little crackers. i know, i know...i'm hashtag blessed to be able to spend more time with my kiddos, and i'm not negating that. i would willingly lay on the tracks for either one of them, but having them inserted in my anal cavity 24 hours a day is not my cup of tea. i hit a breaking point sometime last week when i heard "mommy" for the 3,384th time. i yelled, "CALL ME SOMETHING ELSSSSSE! ANYTHING!" ella has since started calling me "mama"...which has a better ring to it if you ask me. i am almost tempted to have them call me, like, madonna or betty sue or something. butch said, "why is ella calling you mama?" i shrugged my shoulders, but know my outburst had something to do with it. carrie still yells mommmEEEEE and enunciates the "E" for good measure. (she's awesome like that.) that night, i finally sat down on the couch at 7:42pm and heard my husband get out of the downstairs shower. (he was afraid to tell me he forgot a towel.) so instead of asking, fearing i may lose my last shit on him, he covered his balls with his dirty boxers and ran wet through the living room and up the stairs. (making eye contact with no one.) i looked at the kids, who were eyes wide, like what the hell just happened?!...and i could not stop laughing. for the record, i would've gotten him a towel, but what ended up happening was much more funny.
so i have one more week of being a professional snack maker (seriously, my kids eat snacks ALL DAMN DAY!), one week of beach vacation...and then i'm back to work. how the hell does the summer always go so fast? anyways, i'll have to jog my brain on how to do normal things like commute to work...and wear shoes. my husband will get one extra week at home solo with our little chickadees, so that could get a little dicey. if my patience level is at about a 7, he's at about a 2 most of the time with them. maybe he'll hit the point when he's heard "daddy" too many times and ask them to call him something else. i hope they choose something cooler like mick jagger or big papa. incidents like the conversation piece between constipation and crapping their pants i'm sure will continue to happen between sisters. it's things like this that make me question my sanity sometimes. (coaching each other through a crap?!) speaking of conversations about the commode, carrie has successfully started potty training! (well, the pee yes...the poop not yet.) therefore, the tour de shitter has now gone double time, as we visit every bathroom of every establishment we go to. today we went to tj maxx, so add that to the list of toilets i've seen in the greater annapolis area. i'm thinking about creating an app where parents can check in to the bathrooms and rate them. (good idea?) so onto another summer week of swimming, snack making, and hammock swinging. no worries, as stated before, i know that i am hashtag blessed...but it still doesn't mean i want to lose my shit every once in a while. betty sue...over and out.
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