folly

so my morning started when i rolled over to my three year old staring into my eyeballs, earnestly asking me to velcro up her princess gown that was on over her pajamas. then (while i still had one eye open) my husband told me he was going to run out to get a newspaper. a newspaper on a sunday can only mean one thing...coupons. his couponing addiction has fallen by the wayside since his most recent endeavor that includes wanting to look like arnold schwarzenegger. (workout city, man!) i mean, i am kinda happy about that though, because he was going nuts at one point and bringing home, like, polident by the truckload...and neither one of us wears dentures (i swear this is true.) so when he said he was going for the paper, i rolled my eyes, but didn't say much about it. he came back and started clipping and i asked him how he knew what were the best deals. he said (and i quote), "couponmom.com does all the math for me, and then i just go out and get it." (coupon. mom. dot. com.) i said, "so what are you in the market for today?" he went on, "well, there are great deals on pert plus and nivea body wash." i said oh. (just oh.) so he disappeared into the morning light again to walgreens and came home with...14 bottles collectively of hygiene products. 4 ginormous bottles of pert plus and 10 (TEN) bottles of nivea body wash. basically we have enough soap to last us until the end of time. not one head or body in this house will ever be dirty. (ever.)

he's always like a kid in a candy store when he shares his stash and savings with me. apparently he got the shampoo for $1 a bottle and the nivea at about $1.50 a bottle. (he's like a wizard of washing products.) i can only deduce that this sudden interest came about from frivolous spending brought on by vacation. i'm pretty sure that's why he got his boxers in a bunch and went out specifically to save some cash (i can't be certain though.) speaking of vacation, i believe this is the first vacation that we can really call a vacation since we've had kids. mainly, i found that taking a trip with extended family turns out the only way you can actually have a minute to relax while on vacation. i mean, we went from 4 hands to take care of their snack, drink, entertainment, potty, meal, and nap needs to FOURTEEN extra hands. plus, many of those extra hands don't have small children to tend to on a daily basis, so they were all for it. i actually found time in the day to do simple things like pee alone and read a coupla pages of a book (it was glorious). if i could make a recommendation to people with small children it is this: vacation with your entire family, the more hands the better. plus, i didn't feel guilty because my kids got to spend time with grandparents, aunts, and uncles whom they don't get to see very often. (HIGHLY recommend it, people.) the last long day of vacation we spend hanging out near the ocean, beer in hand. we were one of the last people on the beach that day and when we got back i decided to check some work voice mails and emails that i had neglected throughout the week. (bad idea.)

let me start this story by explaining something first...although i am friendly with most of my coworkers, we aren't all chummy. there are a select few that i share my personal business with, but mostly i try to keep it professional. i don't go to work happy hours, i don't get wound up at the christmas party, i don't ever really show that side of myself with colleagues ever. that being said, my principal and i have a great relationship and a shared sense of humor. we like to crack jokes and have a love of sarcasm. so when i got a voicemail from her on friday evening, one that i had originally received on wednesday, i felt really bad. usually i get right back to her, but i was on vacation and didn't realize it was actually her calling me. so anyway, i logged on to work email and saw we had THE email that every teacher dreads at the end of the summer, the "back to school email" from the principal. i read through it and then decided to send her a message back saying sorry for not getting back to her voicemail sooner. this is what i wrote: "dear so and so!! i just listened to your voicemail from wednesday, as i am on vacation at the beach with loads of family and immersed in booze and food that is bad for you. SO, so sorry i didn't get back to you sooner. i hope i'm not fired...that would really suck. hope to talk to you soon! signed, your second favorite kindergarten teacher (we all know ms. walson is your first)." i hit send.

about a half hour later, the kids were in bed and i cracked another beer, only to discover that i had a text message from ms. walson. it read as follows: "ummmm..did you mean to reply all to the email?!?! the ENTIRE staff got your email. by the way, thanks for the shoutout! (wink face.)" WHHHHHAAATTTTTTT! i had to go back and read what i wrote, but thought oh hell, i need to bandaid this somehow. so i sent other email to my coworkers (ballsy? i don't know.) it went like this: "hello. that email was supposed to go to ms. so and so only! my awesome colleague ms. walson informed me i hit reply all...and also thanked me for the shout out in the email as well. it's my last day of beach vacation...forgive me. see you all monday. i'll bring the mimosas." immediately the young gentleman of a music teacher emailed me back and said, "you are the TRUE MVP already!! i wanna be like you when i grow up!" (subject line: MVP!!!) i died. so anyways, that's how that all went down. i start work tomorrow morning (cue violin music) after a summer of shenanigans and i'm really not sure what i am walking in to due to my folly. hopefully my principal still has her sense of humor, otherwise i am shit outta luck in that department. i guess i'm really starting this school year off with a bang. at least i will be squeaky clean for my first day, due to all the pert plus and nivea products in our household. in lieu of mimosas, maybe i should go in tomorrow waving around free polident and discounted body wash? professionally speaking, probably not.