dentist

so...i have a confession to make and it's kind of embarrassing, but i share everything else so why not this. here goes...with the exception of once last week, i haven't been to the dentist in 16 years. (SIXteen years.) although i am chock fulla excuses, this is what happened. i had an appointment to get my wisdom teeth out when i was seventeen and then got mono. (the kissing disease.) however, i didn't get the disease the fun way, i got it from someone else's water bottle at a soccer game in high school. (go figure.) so anyway, the appointment got cancelled, i soon went away to college, got a job, got married, birthed children...and my teeth took somewhat of a backseat. (priorities.) so flash forward 16 years and i was in a hotel room waking up from a wedding that took place two weeks ago...and i was in PAIN. my mouth, my jaw, even my ear was hurting at this point, and it wasn't being helped by the horrendous headache i had from imbibing in alcoholic beverages the night before. simply put, it felt like satan himself was shoving a firey sword into my gum and the side of my face. i rolled over and whined to warren, who was pretty much incoherent at this time. so i popped some advil and hoped when it wore off the pain would be magically gone. (it wasn't.)

welp, the pain did not subside...and it actually got worse. in the back of my mind, i knew a wisdom tooth was the culprit, but i was really nervous about going to the dentist. however, fen talked so highly of her dentist, that i decided to go there. my husband has a dentist, but fen went there originally and thinks that she's a total scammer. fen said the only reason warren goes there is because his dentist has big breasts and shoves them in his face. (for the love of...) so anyway, i decided to go with fen's dentist because she said, "he is super nice and reminds me of a friend we both had back home." (let's call him brent, because that's the friend that he reminds us of.) so i call brent's office and make an appointment with amy, the receptionist. the earliest i could get in was that thursday. from sunday to thursday i was basically like a spitting cobra. (so uncomfortable.) mouth pain is no joke. i was popping advil like eminem on oxycontin. (it was bad.) on thursday i walked in the office, still nervous, and basically it's a small house remodeled to be a dentist office. amy leaped up from her seat and said, "welcome to the practice!! here is the paperwork you need to fill out!" (shit. she's talking in exclamation points.) one of the questions on the paperwork was, "when is the last time you saw a dentist?" i wrote "1999...don't judge me" on the form and hoped for the best. afterwards, they handed me a "welcome gift" that included a reusable grocery bag...and a beer cozy embroidered with their namesake. (really.) meanwhile, fen is texting me furiously telling me i better let them know she referred me. (easy, fen.)

when i was done the paperwork, i stood up to hand it in and another girl (i didn't catch her name) said i would be going on a tour and then to my exam room. (a tour?!) the house could have been made for goldilocks (so small), so there i was basically standing in a short hallway as she was pointing to each room. (a tour.) after the tour was over (took about 2 minutes), she settled me in the exam chair. a few seconds later our high school friend lookalike walked in behind her. brent exclaimed, "so it seems we have a JOKESTER on our hands!" (i was confused.) he went on..."don't worry, i'm not judging you about the last time you were at the dentist!" (oh that.) we talked about my mouth for a while and then he did the exam. he said...let me ask you something, "do you eat a lot of popcorn?" i said, "yes...and i like to eat a lot of nuts. i like nuts." he looked up from his clipboard with one eye and smirked. (jesus christ.) i mean..."i eat almonds almost everyday." he said while smiling, "got it." i recently told a coworker about this convo and she said, "shit, you eat sausage for lunch and nuts, too...go butch!" (then she threw her head back and laughed.) brent talked in all this dental mumbo jumbo for a while about my teeth and then sent me with the technician to get a panoramic x-ray of my grill. they asked me if i might be pregnant (um no.)...and then told me to stand still and bite down on this stick. the camera whirred around my head like a spaceship and i was standing there feeling kind of stupid. then the nice lady sent me back to my chair and they projected a picture of my teeth up on a big tv screen in the room. this is what i saw:

so...he starts with, "nothing out of the ordinary here, except when we see this." he pointed to the bottom left tooth and said, "this is what is causing you the pain." i turned my head completely sideways and said, "is that...my wisdom tooth!?...why the hell did it grow that way?!" he smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "it got lazy." now hold the goddamn phone here...i have heard of lazy eyes and shit...but a lazy TOOTH!? am i in the twilight zone? after some laughter and brent telling me his life story, he explained the history of wisdom teeth to me. (that happened.) he also handed over a referral for an oral surgeon and told me to come back after the extraction of my four teeth had healed. he said (and i quote), "...and don't just use me for the referral, come back for a cleaning and stuff. i mean, it's been SIXTEEN YEARS...it's time." (i said don't judge me, dude.) alright, so i come home and tell butch the whole story and he thinks this surgery is going to be comparable to a recent root canal he's had. (just no.) it's like the time that he compared childbirth to his hernia surgery. listen, pal, if you suddenly house 2 human beings for almost a year and then violently shoot them out of your fun place...we can talk turkeys. until then, do not compare ANYTHING you went through to childbirth. (you will lose.) 

so anyway, i scheduled the surgery to happen soon...and i'm scared as shit. as stated above, i had two kids come out of my lady parts, but i think i'm more scared for this surgery. (does that even make sense!?) i also told my husband i've never been sedated before and i'm worried i won't wake up. he told me (rightfully so) to stop being so dramatic. suddenly, though, in my early thirties i realize that i need to make my teeth a priority. with the recent addition of not one but TWO blow up pools and a trampoline to our backyard, we are dipping dangerously close to hillbilly deluxe status. if i start losing teeth, i'll complete the package deal. i'm guessing i'm not the only person in the world that is kinda afraid of the dentist, however, i'm glad i went with fen's suggestion...and went with brent over butch's big breasted lady. i'm curious as to what treats the oral surgeon's office holds on monday for my consultation. (another beer cozy, perhaps?)  i'll be sure not to mention to the oral surgeon gene that i like to eat nuts. (son of a...) meanwhile, i will be relaxing with my lazy tooth, boxed wine in hand, as my two little redneck ladies swim in their highly luxurious inflatable pool in the backyard. (holy hillbillies, man!) embracing the fact that i'm welcoming this summer with the experience of going to the dentist for the first time in 16 years, then soon after getting my wisdom teeth extracted as an adult...i mean, it can only get better from here. satan and his firey mouth sword are surely no match for me. summer here we come.

cupcakes

so three monumental things are happening all this week with my first born. to begin, on monday she attended her last day ever with the at home babysitter she has had since birth. secondly, she turned 5 (FIVE!) on tuesday. lastly, she will graduate (cue commencement music) from preschool tomorrow. all three things make me profoundly happy and profoundly sad...all at the same time. i remember thinking when she was a baby that i had to take her to a sitter for 5 whole years before she would start school, and thinking about that then...it seemed like an eternity. motherhood caught me off guard in lots of ways, but just the sheer amount of attention and time newborns take up threw me for a loop in the beginning. plus, having a newborn and a full time job was daunting. i remember being TERRIFIED the first day i went back to work. i remember hoping i made sure i packed every last thing in the diaper bag, that she had adequate formula, that she wouldn't miss me too much during the day. i remember her screaming in the car that first time i had to wake her and take her to the sitter...and i remember sitting in the car crying that morning thinking about how i wanted to just quit my job and stay at home with her instead. just as suddenly as these things overwhelmed me, they passed just as quickly. here i am 5 years later with a near future kindergartner and i can't believe it.

the day we brought her home from the hospital.

when carrie came into the mix, i felt like i had things down pat. (using that loosely) i had two years under my belt by that time, but what i didn't expect was how much more WORK it would be to have two. one seems like a cake walk compared to two. three? three sounds like a nightmare in my book...when they start to out number you, you are in a shit ton of trouble. anyways, each progressive year, things got faster and faster and now that things are easier in a lot of ways...i really just want time to slow down. ella said to me monday in the car, "i can't WAIT to be five tomorrow! i can't WAIT!" i said, "what's so great about five that you couldn't do at four?" she said, "i can go to kindergarten." (touche.)....and "i won't be afraid of bugs anymore." (okay then.) however, do you remember being a kid and always wishing for the next big birthday? (i do.) i remember being 8 and couldn't wait to be 10. 10 and couldn't wait to be 13. 13 and couldn't wait to be 16. it went that way until i was 21...and then the "couldn't wait" for the next year stopped happening. i mean, i still enjoyed my birthdays, but i never said, "i CAN'T WAIT to be 33!" (oh hell no.) so as ella enters year 5 of her life, i want her to know she can and should wait for the next years to come, because they will come far too fast and she will be suddenly missing memories that she never thought she'd miss. (or maybe that's just me)

furthermore, being around children (my own and my school kids) all the time is something i never take for granted. i believe it keeps me young in a lot of ways and i often question when we lose that sense of excitement and wonder with the world. for example, i took ella to school with me on her birthday to hang out with other 5 and 6 year olds who were celebrating field day. the kids went through 7 different relay races (including the potato sack!) and the joy and laughter throughout the morning was just awesome. (even in 90 degree heat!) the night before, ella helped me make cupcakes (move over betty crocker) to share with the kids at school. she said, "i want blue cupcakes with orange icing." (wtf?) i said okay. as she and carrie helped me bake, each part of the process was like mind blowing for them. from pouring the oil to cracking the eggs, it was all exciting. finally, they were my taste testers and i haven't heard them that quiet all week. (silence and shoving them in their mouths.) as she was licking her lips she said simply, "cupcakes make me happy." (her little sister shook her head) then, when i broke these bad boys out at school, the kids lost their minds. have you ever seen kids around cupcakes!? (they go apeshit.) anyways, they sang happy birthday to her with gusto and then they dug in. each one made it a point to tell me how good they were. i'm not going to quit my day job or anything, but it cost me $4.79 to make 24 cupcakes, my kids helped, and it was EASY. i ended up making 24 more the next night for her preschool (pink this time, as per her request.) look at me...being all domestic and shit.

so as ella graduates from preschool tomorrow and i wrap up my own school year...it is bittersweet. never did i think that i would be sad that i don't have to take her to the sitter anymore. never did i think i would be sad upon her turning five. never did i think i would be sad she was graduating preschool. i will miss little things like hearing her little voice conversing with her sister in the backseat of the car in the morning. hearing her say she "couldn't wait!" to be five made me remember what it felt like to be a kid and wishing for more years. seeing her posing in a cap a gown made me realize just how fast these years are flying and will continue to fly. before i know it, she will be graduating from high school in a cap and gown and who knows what the hell i will be writing about by then. (probably gray hair and saggy boobs.) when i was in the depths of newborn hell and headed into the reign of toddler terror with both kids, i didn't realize then just how quickly that time would pass. here i am with a three and a five year old little girls that are rapidly turning into young ladies, and things are so much easier than they were a few short years ago. i can breathe again, but suddenly (and randomly) become sad about the babies that are left behind. i am reminded this week to enjoy each laugh, cherish each (horrible) harmonica serenade, and hold dear the memories that these kids have given me over the past 5 years. most importantly, to remember to find joy in something as simple as a cupcake...because sometimes in life that's all you really need to be happy.

kindness

kindness is being nice.

i experienced a career high this week, but before i tell you about it...i need to explain some background information. my school is located in a highly transient area. to put it into better perspective, my building houses kindergarten through 8th grade, and out of the 22 kids that started with me in 2006...only 5 are left. my first year of teaching 9 years ago happened to be the very first year my charter school opened. therefore, the kids in 8th grade this year are entitled the legacy class, because some of them were there from the very beginning. where i grew up, a lot of the same kids i went to kindergarten with graduated with me from high school. hell, i met my husband and most of my friends in my 6th grade year and we've been cronies ever since. therefore, it's kinda hard to wrap my head around the fact that only 5 of my kids are left from that first year. i have watched some of these 5 year-olds grow into young men and women before my eyes, and i feel very proud of them. teaching is a profession that is closely associated with parenthood...if you are doing it right. as a teacher, i really, truly want to see my school kids succeed. the ultimate goal in mind, as a kindergarten teacher...is to make these kids love learning so that they go on to be happy, healthy students and eventually productive members of society. that being said, some of these kids recently had to write reflections about what they most remember about their teachers they had throughout the years, because this year they graduate from our school.

a mother of one of these children shared with me this week that her son's reflection stated that what he most remembered about me is that i was kind to him...and that i taught him how to be kind to other people. she kinda laughed it off when she told me, thinking i was going to be disappointed or something that he didn't say i taught him how to read, or write, or learn his numbers. if this child, this now young man, this future member of our society is going to remember one thing from kindergarten, you bet your number 2 pencil i hope he remembers how to be kind to other people. (teaching win.) i couldn't have been happier when she told me that, actually. (awesome.) i strive very hard from day one in my classroom to create a climate that is conducive to loving learning..and loving each other. i want children to know that they are safe in my classroom and will be accepted for who they are. i want them to be nice to each other, and help each other out when needed. the world can be so cruel and some of the things the kids i teach have gone through...are more than i have gone through in my entire life. in fact, this past week i attended a funeral for a mother of one of my former students, who died of an alleged drug overdose. the mom was my age and left behind four children, all of which attend our school. i can't imagine what those kids are going through...or the heartache and struggles they will face in the future. kids like this need kind and accepting teachers and classrooms, because sometimes it's all they've got. i had my kindergarteners this year share what they thought kindness was, and included are some of their responses.

kindness is helping people.

in a world that is pushing technology and standardized testing, many times i am at the other end of the spectrum and go old school. i find children often respond best to these methods, no matter how dated they may be. (back to basics, please.) i prefer paper and pencil to monitor and keyboard. puzzles and play doh to ipads. some parents are disappointed at the beginning of the year when i tell them this, but they always come around by the end of the year. i believe the "new" way to do things is not always the best way. i believe having a child's best interest at heart should always be at the heart of instruction. moreover, i think teaching children how to be kind and loving kids creates kind and loving adults. where do adults that are nasty to each other get in life anyway? i certainly don't want to be around anyone like that. truth be told, i can be an jerk sometimes. it's not all rainbows and unicorns always. (believe me) i don't put on my mary poppins hat everyday, either. some days i suck at teaching and some days i suck at parenting, i am realistic about that...but i always strive to do better. as another school year passes, i know that i have taught children to read, to write, to listen, to respond, and to recognize their numbers. i know that i have instilled a love of learning that i hope will last a lifetime. i know that i have elicited smiles and laughter along the way. i have also expected them to be respectful, obedient, and accept their peers. most of all, i hope that they take away from this year that i truly cared for them and their classmates. i hope, like my former 8th grader, that they simply remember that i was kind to them...and that they should be kind to other people. in a world that has seemingly gone mad sometimes, kindness will never be overrated. sometimes i believe certain people would benefit going back to kindergarten for a little while...to remember what life is truly all about. kindness for the win. 

 

kindness is sharing ice cream.