simplicity

so i had an epiphany this past week and it is as follows: i have come to realize that the less your children need you...you start to need them more. it's a haunting realization, really, because when they are totally dependent on you as newborns...you can't wait for them to be able to do some stuff for themselves. (for instance, walk and talk.) then, when they enter into toddler hood and want to do everything themselves, it's kind of annoying (mainly cause it takes 32x longer to do everything.), but they still need your help. finally, when they are pretty self sufficient, as my 5 year old is, you start to miss them needing you for everything. (huh?) i mean, what a kick in the pants this progression is. never did i ever think i would "miss" this little person needing me to dress her. never did i ever think i would "miss" that newborn baby that was like a little leech. (a cute leech, i might add). never did i ever think that i would "miss" the moments where i wanted to pull out my hair because i didn't have one spare second to myself. but here i am...and i miss all of that and more. i think when things start getting easier like they are for me at this point, it is when you contemplate throwing another kid into the mix. i mean, i think about it daily now, even though my kids still need me for some stuff. although, i do think a third child would be a true conductor of mayhem (epic monkeywrench) in this household...and i'm not quite sure my marriage could even survive it. (just being honest.)

summertime makes me slow down and think about things in a different way. kids don't have jobs and responsibilities, so i can see where they are so thoughtful, inquisitive, and energetic all the time. as we get older, work sucks the life out of some of us. i love (love) what i do, but during the summer i truly feel like a kid again. i feel refreshed, renewed, and have time to think about revelations like the aforementioned needy progression of parenthood. i recently went on a little beach excursion and while there collected a cup of stones and shells for my kids. when i brought it home, they acted as if it was gold. well, they don't really understand the value of money...but they acted as if i brought something of enormous value to them, when all i did was scoop some stuff out of the sea. i watched out the window as they dumped it out on their little picnic table and started sorting them. their tiny fingers making two different piles, one of shells and one of stones. they ran their hands over each treasure and i could see them talking about each one. when i walked outside, they fought to describe each thing to me using color words and other adjectives that would make any author proud. as i sat there listening to them, i thought, here we are in the heat of the summer and these two are simply enraptured by objects i brought them from nature. my point is...kids don't need a lot of stuff to be happy. their happiness comes from their sense of wonder. ella made up a whole story about a creature that used to live in one of the shells and now lives in an even bigger house in the sea. carrie listened like it was the best story she ever heard, laughing as her big sister's imagination came to life. later, they decorated one of our garden boxes with their gifts.

i think as we get older, we need a lot more to be happy. (at least that's how i feel). we convince ourselves that we don't have enough money, a big enough house, or just enough...stuff. what if we could get as excited as my kids did about that cup of shells and stones? (would that be enough?) my children are getting older every minute. ella is pretty much a little person now and can do alotta things for herself, not to mention she starts school in a month. however, she hit milestones much quicker than her sister. carrie took longer to walk (14 months, opposed to ella's 9 months), longer to talk (3 years, as opposed to ella's 2), and a had longer time to be my baby. now that she has started talking fluently, she is turning into a little person right before my eyes. she's not a baby anymore and that makes me very sad. i remember thinking how torturous that first year was and how exhausted i was with both kids. that stuff seems like a distant memory, as sleep has finally returned to my routine. i will say, though, that being home with my kids most days this summer makes me think that they are having some type of unspoken competition to see how many times they can say the word "mommy" in one day. (just sayin.) moreover, i know that my children will always need me...just in a more independent way. furthermore, they remind me everyday to make sure i find wonder and happiness in the little things...like shells and stones. they get equally excited about swimming pools and swings. simplicity in this life is underrated and sometimes it takes the perspective of a child for things to make the most sense. so in the midst of summer, it seems i have been schooled by my own offspring. lesson learned, little people. lesson learned.

wisdom

so sometimes in life, you need a reality check...and my most recent one, dear people, came in the form of some selfies. (that is, a picture that you take of yourself) the one on the left was taken when i was feeling all fresh and sassy on sunday after getting my hair did. (and copious amounts of wine i might add.) the one on the right (which i have no recollection of snapping) was taken in the car after a recent wisdom tooth surgery. my husband also recorded an epic video me talking about how i felt like i drank a six pack, had a bong hit...and felt like eminem's girlfriend (i had no recollection of this either.) i went in thursday morning to the oral surgeon's office with butch as my escort. the receptionist (whom i had made friends with the last time i was there) said, "is this your support staff?" (pointing to warren). he replied dryly, "just for today." she yelped, "just for today!? sounds like a personal problem!"(my dad uses this phrase often.) so anyway, i was nervous as hell and they took me back to the room where there was a large tray of medieval tools before me. i diverted my eyes, mainly because i didn't want to shit my pants in fear. the doc seemed extra chipper and so did his sidekick. i, on the other hand, was quite salty...because prior to this appointment, i was not allowed eat or drink anything. i was also instructed to not wear my contacts, makeup, or nail polish. i can do without all of the aforementioned, except for my morning coffee...so again, i was salty. however, i smiled at the former navy seal of a doctor who was now in his 60s and replied, "yes" when he asked me if i was "ready." (ready as i'll ever be.)

the next thing i know, i was slowly waking up to the sound of my husband's voice. after being scared to open my eyes for a minute, i realized i was not in the exam chair...i was in butch's lazy boy in our living room. (how the hell did i get here!?) i sat up and said, "where are the girls?" he said, "they are napping, don't you remember coming home?" i said no. he laughed his head off and said, "well look at THIS!" showing me the video. (shit.) i said, "how can i not remember walking out of the place or anything!?" he said, "you were really out of it and you kept interrupting the receptionist when she was giving instructions to me about your recovery." i yelped, "what did i say!?" he went on, "well...you kept telling her your mouth tasted like the sahara desert and that you were hungry for a cheeseburger and stuff. she was amused." he said once i was strapped in the car (and after the video) i started telling him about a "short cut" i knew to get back to our town from the doctor's office...and HE FOLLOWED MY DIRECTIONS. to be clear, i was just a minute ago talking about being married to eminem and then he thought it was a good idea to follow my driving directions?? he said, "well i sort of knew where i was, so i thought you might be right. you were." (holy hell.) then, he stopped at sweet frog to get me some frozen yogurt for lunch, came back out to find me head back, mouth open and passed the hell out again.

after we got home, he transported me to the lazy boy and that was that. to be clear, i have no recollection of any of that (at all.) i mean, it's kind of scary how that works. they knock you out and then, like, 4 hours later you wake up in a lazy boy and remember nothing? (wtf.) after waking up, i devoured the sweet frog and sat there thinking about how much my mouth hurt. however, i must say that this drug induced coma was probably the best sleep i have had probably since my first born made her appearance on this earth. i was dead to the world and quite honestly, a bulldozer could have come through the bay window and i wouldn't have noticed. speaking of bulldozers, one of the instructions on the discharge sheet was to not drive heavy machinery (such as a bulldozer)...or operate power tools. at the previous appointment i said to the doctor, "you mean i can't go home and fire up my chainsaw after the procedure!?" he laughed his head off and said, "no you cannot." (well we will just see about that after you said i can't have any coffee.) later last night i sent warren on his merry way for some guy time. after i put the girls down to bed, i enjoyed a bubble bath, read some of my book, had full reign of netflix, and ate ben and jerry's. as i sat there, i thought, "holy hell, i should've done this wisdom tooth thing sooner!" (no shit.) while in my sedentary mode, i was scrolling through my phone and found that awful selfie i took in the car. upon discovering it, i laughed hysterically.

so through this experience i have learned (once again) about the importance of laughing at yourself. (wisdom from the extraction of my wisdom teeth? ok then.) moreover, it's okay to take a narcissistic selfie when you are feeling sassy, but don't forget to snap one when you are at your worst. furthermore, i realized just how much a little makeup and a cup of coffee can change my day for the better. finally, having someone on your side that will laugh along with you and take video is equally important (even if it's not eminem.) in other news, i have scheduled my next tooth extraction for 2020. i figure i will get one tooth pulled every five years, just so i can can enjoy a well deserved bubble bath and ben and jerry's without interruption. (not really, but a girl can dream.) i know for sure in this life it is important to embrace your inner silliness. (sometimes, it's the only thing that keeps me going.) so when you feel like whipping out your chainsaw, instead find your sense of humor and stick to it. (you should never leave home without it.) if i teach my own children one thing in this life, i hope it is that. here's to a weekend filled with flags, adult beverages, ben and jerry's...and red, white, and blue. raising my glass to america, my freedom, and always holding fast to my sense of humor. sometimes, friends, it's the only way to survive.