simplicity

so i had an epiphany this past week and it is as follows: i have come to realize that the less your children need you...you start to need them more. it's a haunting realization, really, because when they are totally dependent on you as newborns...you can't wait for them to be able to do some stuff for themselves. (for instance, walk and talk.) then, when they enter into toddler hood and want to do everything themselves, it's kind of annoying (mainly cause it takes 32x longer to do everything.), but they still need your help. finally, when they are pretty self sufficient, as my 5 year old is, you start to miss them needing you for everything. (huh?) i mean, what a kick in the pants this progression is. never did i ever think i would "miss" this little person needing me to dress her. never did i ever think i would "miss" that newborn baby that was like a little leech. (a cute leech, i might add). never did i ever think that i would "miss" the moments where i wanted to pull out my hair because i didn't have one spare second to myself. but here i am...and i miss all of that and more. i think when things start getting easier like they are for me at this point, it is when you contemplate throwing another kid into the mix. i mean, i think about it daily now, even though my kids still need me for some stuff. although, i do think a third child would be a true conductor of mayhem (epic monkeywrench) in this household...and i'm not quite sure my marriage could even survive it. (just being honest.)

summertime makes me slow down and think about things in a different way. kids don't have jobs and responsibilities, so i can see where they are so thoughtful, inquisitive, and energetic all the time. as we get older, work sucks the life out of some of us. i love (love) what i do, but during the summer i truly feel like a kid again. i feel refreshed, renewed, and have time to think about revelations like the aforementioned needy progression of parenthood. i recently went on a little beach excursion and while there collected a cup of stones and shells for my kids. when i brought it home, they acted as if it was gold. well, they don't really understand the value of money...but they acted as if i brought something of enormous value to them, when all i did was scoop some stuff out of the sea. i watched out the window as they dumped it out on their little picnic table and started sorting them. their tiny fingers making two different piles, one of shells and one of stones. they ran their hands over each treasure and i could see them talking about each one. when i walked outside, they fought to describe each thing to me using color words and other adjectives that would make any author proud. as i sat there listening to them, i thought, here we are in the heat of the summer and these two are simply enraptured by objects i brought them from nature. my point is...kids don't need a lot of stuff to be happy. their happiness comes from their sense of wonder. ella made up a whole story about a creature that used to live in one of the shells and now lives in an even bigger house in the sea. carrie listened like it was the best story she ever heard, laughing as her big sister's imagination came to life. later, they decorated one of our garden boxes with their gifts.

i think as we get older, we need a lot more to be happy. (at least that's how i feel). we convince ourselves that we don't have enough money, a big enough house, or just enough...stuff. what if we could get as excited as my kids did about that cup of shells and stones? (would that be enough?) my children are getting older every minute. ella is pretty much a little person now and can do alotta things for herself, not to mention she starts school in a month. however, she hit milestones much quicker than her sister. carrie took longer to walk (14 months, opposed to ella's 9 months), longer to talk (3 years, as opposed to ella's 2), and a had longer time to be my baby. now that she has started talking fluently, she is turning into a little person right before my eyes. she's not a baby anymore and that makes me very sad. i remember thinking how torturous that first year was and how exhausted i was with both kids. that stuff seems like a distant memory, as sleep has finally returned to my routine. i will say, though, that being home with my kids most days this summer makes me think that they are having some type of unspoken competition to see how many times they can say the word "mommy" in one day. (just sayin.) moreover, i know that my children will always need me...just in a more independent way. furthermore, they remind me everyday to make sure i find wonder and happiness in the little things...like shells and stones. they get equally excited about swimming pools and swings. simplicity in this life is underrated and sometimes it takes the perspective of a child for things to make the most sense. so in the midst of summer, it seems i have been schooled by my own offspring. lesson learned, little people. lesson learned.