quotes

april was a short school month, due to spring break...but there surely wasn't a shortage of shenanigans. these are some of my favorite quotes and pictures from april. enjoy.


april 10

a little boy rambling to me while shoving cheetos in his mouth at snack time...
"my dad is married to a man and my mom wants to be married to a woman."

(i just nodded...i didn't ask any questions.)

language arts lesson gone wrong...

can nat play ball? with a 'bat' that big?... sure.

april 12

one of my favorite students has been talking about getting a pet for weeks.

"mrs. s, you know how i've been asking my parents about getting a pet?"

"yes, i know...you've been talking about it a lot lately."

"well...my dad said the only pet that i'm gonna get is a snake."

"oh really? a snake!?"

"yes...he said that he is going to get me a snake so that every time I am bad or don't do my homework he's gonna let it bite me!"

(i like this dad...a lot.) 

"do you know that the devil is 102 years old and his birthday is on halloween?"

(nope...i had no idea.)

april 13

during a bathroom break, two boys were horsing around in the bathroom.

"boys! what are you doing in there? you are taking entirely too long!"

one of them (yelling) "I'M TRYING TO POOP...BUT IT WON'T COME OUT!!!"

(sorry i asked...)

april 16

"my mom let me eat some of her crab cakes at the restaurant we went to this weekend."

(another child piping in) "CRABCAKE!? a CAKE made out of CRAB! sounds disgusting..!"

today was my 30th birthday. for fun, i had the kids draw a picture of what they thought they would look like when they were 30. this is one little girl's picture.

                           yes, that is a pregnant belly (ala smiley face) and high heels.

(awesome.)

april 18

"if you have seven quarters...that means you are rich."

(um, i wish...)

april 19

"mrs. s, are killers real?"

"killers? like people that kill other people?"

"yeah."

"well, yes, but most of them are in jail..." 

(she was visibly relieved...ahhh, innocence.)

april 20

"can i cuckoo in the bathroom?"

"can you WHAT in the bathroom?!"

"i've never cuckoo'd in the bathroom before...can i do it? i really have to go?"

(at this point, i realized she was talking #2..)

"yes! cuckoo away!" 

april 23

draw a picture for the story the tortoise and the hare

i asked her..."so i see the tortoise, and i see the hare...but what is that other animal?"

"um...it's a worm, i thought that he would like to race too. i wish there was a worm in the story."

april 24

"my little sister's feet smell like farts and she keeps asking me to smell them because she thinks it's funny."

(i didn't tell her that i, too, thought it was kinda funny...)


free journal writing

scissors

april 25

today was personality picture day, so the kids did not have to wear their uniforms.

(head in hand standing next to me at my desk) "mrs. s...i look like a dork."

"what?! why do you say that?!"

"well everyone else doesn't have their uniform on, but i do."

"well, no big deal...i think you look very handsome in your uniform."

(big smile) "thanks, mrs. s!!" 

(love moments like these...) 

april 27

"mrs. s, you should not talk to drunk people, ever! they act crazzzzzy! they will yell in your face! and also, drunk people drink....(whispering) alcohol!"

(thanks for the advice kid..)


april 30
the kids were working on their independent morning work and i overheard this conversation:

"my mom says that i have to go to bed at night so that i'll grow. she said sleep makes you grow. (the other kids at her table nod.) butcha know what?! my mom's a liar. (i almost spit out my coffee.) one night, i measured myself with a pencil on the wall, and the next morning i checked it...and it was the exact same. i didn't tell my mom i measured, but when she says it next time about me growing...i'm going to tell her that she is not right."
(be careful what you tell your kids!)

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!" -Dr. Seuss

food

alright, so i love food. i will never, ever be the skinniest girl in the room due to this statement. (oh, and i like beer a lot too...so i don't have a chance.) anyway, i love eating and i love cooking. however, i'm much better at eating than cooking. i used to love to cook, and now i say "ah, i just don't have time"or make up some other lame excuse. i decided (on saturday..while pondering the grocery list) that we were in a bit of a food rut (that usually includes some sort of grilled meat, something 'roni', and a canned or frozen vegetable...boooringggg.) and this week i was going to make 4 different meals that i've never made before. (think julie & julia with a pregnant lady, and 4 days instead of a year) i found the (easy) recipes and wrote up the ingredients for coupon nazi to go to the store. i thought i'd share my weeks worth of recipes (via links) & experiences. if food isn't your thing...well, you are just weird.

day one
i came home today with high hopes about my cooking adventure for the week...until i walked in the house and the entire recycling trashcan was overturned (by the dog) and stuff was strewn all over the house, making the downstairs look like a frat party took place while i was at work. (ie/pizza boxes, beer bottles, newspapers...etc) there was also a massive pile of dog shit next to the overturned can...just for good measure? in the 4 years we've had penelope...she has never, ever shit in the house. (guess there is a first time for everything.) so after i cleaned up the mess, i got crackin' on dinner. here is the result:

chicken with bacon in white wine sauce

butch opened the door and said, 'WOW it smells really good in here!' (i was thinking...sure beats the wall of dog shit that i walked into.) he galloped into the kitchen...looked at the food, then looked at me, then back at the food. (no, i'm not trying to poison you...i just decided to cook.) as he was eating he looked over (slowly chewing) and said, 'so why are you doing this again?' i said, 'i'm sick of the same old stuff we eat every week...wanted to try some new stuff.' he looked leary. 'well don't stop. this is good shit.' thanks....and it was good shit. (quite honestly, anything with bacon and wine in the recipe is alright with me.) day one, success.

day two
i was driving home from work, trying to channel martha for tonight's cooking adventure and  'shoop' by salt 'n pepa came on the radio. i unexpectedly turned into a white pregnant rapping gangster. windows down, music up...spittin' rhymes like tupac. i knew every word and i thought i was really awesome...until i came to a red light, sneezed...and peed my pants slightly. (for those of you that don't know, this sometimes happens when you are pregnant.) nothing will snap you back into reality like peeing your own pants. anyway...i got home to start meal two for the week (and change my pants) and after a rough start it actually turned out really well. turns out i didn't read the directions thoroughly the first time, and the recipe called for the fish to be grilled. that would've been fantastic, but i didn't have foil...so i had to wing it. i basically followed the recipe below, but used a saute pan and then baked it in the oven for 15 minutes. i also made a basil and tomato cous cous to go along with it. (it was a fan favorite at our house...even though i'm pretty sure butch still thinks that i lost my mind, or am adding poison to his plate.)

tilapia with white wine tomatoes and basil

day three
today on the way home i had to stop at the library for some books for school. as we walked through the 2 large automatic sliding doors ella yells on the top of her lungs, "THANK YOU!"(sounds like DANK DUUUU!) while going through both doors. (like there was a personal door opener just for her) there were a few chuckles as we made our grand entrance. i always worry venturing inside a (quiet) library with an almost 2 year old...because they can be so damn unpredictable. luckily, she was pretty well behaved, but half way through our visit decided that she no longer wanted to walk forward to get from point A to point B...but walking backwards was much better. so i let her hold my hand and walk backwards...we got stares, but whatever. (she was also wearing a leopard print fleece jacket, pants with hearts all over them, and plaid shoes...only adding to her "special" behavior.) when we arrived home, i was smacked in the face by a delicious aroma. the crock pot had been simmering all day with a rather large piece of pork inside. today's dinner? pulled pork sandwiches. (yummmmmmy.) if you are going to try any of these recipes, i suggest this be it. it was super easy and super good. (my friend fen joined us for dinner tonight, and she agreed that these were bangin'.) butch said it tasted like filet mignon. (totally different animal, but i get the point...)

pulled pork sandwiches

day four

today i got an email from fen that said, "i was in the shower this AM thinking about the pork...mmmm..so good." about 52 inappropriate responses came to my mind...but i went with, "glad my pork has that effect on you." (what a fool. she sets herself up...every. time.) anyway, i got home and decided that the bathroom needed to be cleaned and was on my hands and knees (still in my work clothes) scrubbing the floor when butch walked in the door. (nesting: it's no joke.) he then had the audacity to stand in the doorway (heineken in hand) and give me tips on how to do it. i looked up and said, "um, watch yourself. when was the last time YOU got on your hands and knees to do a floor...i think never." he started laughing. (not very funny pal.) after the bathroom was sparkling, i started dinner. not gonna lie, i took a lot of help from the store on this one. turns out zatarains does a fine job with jambalya rice, so i'm not going to mess with their expertise. however, i did saute a quarter of an onion and a clove of garlic first, and then added chicken broth instead of water. i also used cajun flavored chicken sausage as the meat. the result was pretty excellent.

jambalaya

so what's for dinner tomorrow? i don't know...but i'm not making it. heineken harry better take me out somewhere...or next week there will be an arsenic concoction laced in one of his delicious dishes.






"i cook with wine, sometimes i even add it to the food." -w.c. fields

whale

i'm so pumped that ella picked my 32nd week of pregnancy (big as a whale time) to cut her molars. she is a late bloomer with her teeth, so we didn't really have to deal with the "teething baby" problems... but now we have to deal with the "teething toddler" problems, which aren't much more pleasant. she has been awake 4 out of the last 5 nights. (i'm in zombie mode.) the weird thing is, she doesn't seem like she is in pain...she just wants to be with us. (in our bed.) now, i've written about the joys of this before...but as i pulled her big toe out of my nose and her stuffed monkey out of my ass at 2am, i was truly at the end of my rope. she had been up since 12:30am, when i finally carried her back over to her bed and told her that it was time to sleep. as i went to put her in her crib, she was clinging to me like a spider monkey yelling "nononono!" (gees, kid, i'm not trying to dip you in hot wax! it's your bed!) i peeled her off me and tried to block out the screams as i went through her bedroom door. our dog was staring at me in the hallway at this point, which (at 2am) in dog language is "i need to take a shit"...so i went downstairs to let her out.

while downstairs, i heard ella losing. her. mind. in her crib. i mean, jumping up and down and screaming "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY!" at the tippy top of her lungs. choking on her own snot. shaking the slats on the crib. it was so bad that when i opened her door, i fully expected a scene from the exorcist...her head spinning around in circles and pea soup spewing out of her mouth. of course, when she saw me...she stopped immediately and did the "i can barely catch my breath" cry, so relieved that i didn't move to zimbabwe in the 2 minutes that i was gone. up until this point, butch was sleeping...through the entire charade. he then stumbled out into the hallway (bird flappin in the breeze) and said, "what the hell is going on?" i said, "a little help would be nice...i'm exhausted." he looked me in the eyes (well, one of my eyes was pasted shut) and said, "i have a toothache, and i really need to sleep." (oh, okay...wait, WHAT?!) i'm very surprised my head didn't start spinning in circles...but instead of losing my shit on him, i kindly said (dripping with sarcasm), "well then you better go into the guest room...nancy" (before i punch you in the testicles).

what i was thinking was...a TOOTHACHE?! (a TOOTHache.) here i am, i've been pregnant for 8 months (212 days)...a human being is LIVING inside of me, i just worked 9 hours, came home, made dinner, did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned up the house, all the while looking and feeling like a large sea mammal...and you have a TOOTHACHE?! wanna trade, big guy?! i'll take your toothache any day of the week! (men are such sallys) at 3am...ella was still awake and we were watching mickey on the laptop in bed. (well, she was watching. i had my eyes shut, willing minnie to pull out a pistol and shoot mickey directly in the suspenders.) finally, when i couldn't take one more goofy giggle from that mouse, i put her back into her crib around 3:30am. she pulled the exorcist scam for about 2 minutes and then passed out. 


soon after, i could hear nancy's phone alarm go off in the guest room at 5:30am. there was silence between us while making coffee and breakfast. (the kind of tension that i could've cut with the butter knife that i was using to spread the cream cheese on my bagel.) after i dropped ella with the sitter at 6:45am, i was very close to veering east on route 50 towards the bay bridge (rather than west). the reason? i was so tired that the thought of work made me want to swan dive right over that beast of a bridge...however, i don't think my landing wouldn't have been like that of a graceful swan. i'm fairly certain it would've been more of a belly flop like that of a large whale...but hey, at least i didn't have a toothache.

thirty

on one of my nesting binges last week, i came across this gem. it was the cover to an autobiography that i had to write in 9th grade. i have no idea why i held onto it, but i did. (and it's pretty funny) at the end of this (handwritten) autobiography, i wrote down what i wanted to accomplish by the time i was 30. it says, "after high school i want to go to a high-ranked college to be either a teacher, physical therapist or pedatrician. later in life i want to get married and have a lot of children." let's start with the first part, 'i want to go to a high-ranked college'...i went to Shippensburg University, not exactly Harvard, but I graduated. (it was the best 5 years of my life...from what i can remember) the second part, 'i want to be a teacher, pediatrician, or physical therapist'...who was i kidding? there is no way that i'm smart enough to be the latter two, and quite honestly i've known teaching was my thing since kindergarten. (with this profession...i think you just know.) the last part, 'have a lot of children'...so i've reevaluted the "a lot" part, because two seems like a fine number now that i have an almost two year old and another one making her appearance in 8 weeks.)

i remember growing up and thinking that 30 was so damn old. guess what? i don't think it's that old anymore. i will say that my 20s took forever, i've definitely changed a great bit in the time and a lot  has happened in those 10 years. (that being said, at times, i still feel like the same freshman i was when i wrote that autobiography.) i can honestly say that i hope my 30s are a little less "eventful" than my 20s. i have realized that since having ella, time is just flying by way too fast. she makes me enjoy every single second of time (except when she shits her pants, wakes up in the middle of the night, or throws a tantrum in cheesecake factory), and i believe that's why the past 2 years have just really passed "in the blink of an eye," as they say.

i will say that i am very lucky to have met some great people, loved whole heartedly, and laughed. (laughed, a lot.) not to get all sappy and shit, but everyone that i've met along the way has impacted my life in some way. (yes, probably you...) i am truly thankful for every experience that i was able to have, and i can say i have zero regrets. i hope my next 30 years are as much fun as the past 30 years have been. thank you for touching my life, and for keeping me laughing along this adventure. (we are all in this together...and it's more fun that way.) my husband and i are going to a favorite restaurant tonight, because i got a 'buy one get one entree free' coupon from them for my birthday. (butch said we just cannot pass up that deal!) my friend jen (i mean fen) is babysitting our little lady. i will enjoy my (one) glass of wine with dinner (instead of a 6 pack of coors light and a couple shots of tequila) and raise my glass to my family and friends who have laughed with me along the way. cheers!

"imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." -marilyn monroe

waiting

yesterday i had yet another doctor appointment. after many, many of these i've learned that there is a certain 'waiting room' etiquette that you follow. it goes something like this...walk in the door,  check in with the receptionist, grab a magazine, sit down and shut the hell up. that's it. it's very simple...well, very simple for most people. i walked in friday afternoon, and there was a sea of pregnant women...and one man. (the waiting room was packed.) the only seat that was available was next to this man, so knowing the drill...i checked in with the receptionist, grabbed a magazine and sat down next to him. i silently opened my People magazine (oh how i love catching up on celebrity gossip) and proceeded to wait to hear my name to be called by the nurse. i usually enjoy the extreme quiet of the waiting room. (as opposed to the constant babble in my classroom and my house...)

just as i was getting into the article about angelina and brad making a movie together...a lady within my eyesight started talking. talking very loudly. almost yelling, really...in a raspy "i'm not so intelligent but i don't know it" voice. i also need to mention she was rather heavy set, had grease ball hair pulled back in a ponytail, was wearing a stained gray oversized t-shirt (no bra...boobs akimbo), and a pair of baggy gray sweatpants. on her feet were teva-like sandals...and mismatched socks. at first, she was squawking to a child that was sitting next to her telling her to "sit down and shut the hell up." (those were her exact words) the little girl then hit her, and she cried out, "don't hit me you little monkey! don't do it!" i tried to make eye contact with a few of my pregnant pals around the room, everyone was afraid to look up. so i turned directly to the guy who was sitting next to me...we made eye contact and i made a "is this really happening?" face. he started laughing (outloud), shoulders shaking up and down, and couldn't get his shit together. i have found that i have a gift with my facial expressions and comments and can make people laugh...especially in awkward situations. (this was one of those moments.) the poor guy tried to hide behind his magazine, but he wasn't doing a very good job.

after a few minutes, he stopped laughing, i went back to my magazine...and this lady just. wouldn't. stop. i can't recall all of the ridiculousness that was spewing out of her mouth, but i do remember some. at one point her daughter (poor thing) asked her why she didn't have many of her teeth. (yes, this really happened) she bellowed out, 'well because i hate the dentist and that guy can go screw himself if he thinks i'm paying money to clean and fix these! i only have 24 left! 24 teeth! that's it!" her daughter said, "24 sounds like a lot!" she yelled back, "well, it's enough...but it's not all of them...i think you are supposed to have like 36 or something!" (32, but good try...) everyone in that waiting room was feeling really uncomfortable at this point. i (on the other hand) thought it was hilarious, and kinda live for awkward moments such as these...but i was afraid to get the guy next to me going again, because i thought this big loud broad might stand up and pummel him.

after her extra loud banter with the 5 year old, she was scanning the room looking for someone (anyone) to talk to. as i was staring at brad pitt's yummy face, i felt her staring at me. i thought...no way sister, i'm not climbing aboard your pain train. (no way in hell.) i hid. she then grabbed the attention of  a victim that was sitting directly across from her. i'm not sure how the conversation started, but her victim said she was a teacher and she deals with children everyday, and she was so proud of the little girl for sitting so nicely. (i believe she said this because of the 'sit down and shut the hell up' comment said previously by the mother. it was a dig, but the loudmouth mother didn't get it.) the little girl then started dancing around and the mom called the little girl a "monkey" again...but this time it was a "cappuccino" monkey. (i'm no zoologist, but i know damn well there is no such thing as a cappuccino monkey.) the teacher then said, "i believe it is called a cappuchin monkey...not a cappuccino monkey." the lady yelled, "well whatever the hell it is! she's acting like a goddamn monkey!! a goddamn monkey!!"

she then barked..."well, this brings me to a story!" (in my head i was thinking..this. is. going. to. be. good.) ...did you ever see the one on america's home videos? the one with that monkey?!?" the teacher said, "no, i don't know which one you are referring to." "WELLLLLLL...(really loud now)....this monkey, is sitting on this branch and he reaches around (oh lord.) and sticks his finger in his BUTT!!! RIGHT IN HIS BUTT!!" (oh but there's more...) "and THENNNN he SMELLS HIS FINGER AND HE MAKES A FACE AND HE FALLS RIGHT OFF OF THE BRANCH THAT HE WAS SITTING ON!!!" she then proceeded to crack the hell up...i mean, belly buster, head back, 24 teeth showing, laughing her ass off. the teacher didn't laugh. at all. (everyone else in the room was either clearing their throat or pretending they were really engrossed in their magazine.) when she saw the teacher wasn't laughing, she said, "DID YOU HEAR ME?!" and proceeds to repeat the story, louder and more obnoxious the second time. just as she got to "smells his finger...." the nurse came out and called "Joy!?" with that..the fantastically foul woman leaped out of her seat and said, "THAT'S ME!!!!!!!!" (i also love that her name was Joy...there was not one goddamn joyful thing about her.)

as she got up and walked into the rear part of the office...i threw my head back, just as the guy next to me did the same. i uttered, "praise jesus" just as he said, "thank god" simultaneously...and the whole waiting room burst into laughter. (there was a palpable sense of relief in that room that that woman was gone.) the guy looked at me and said, "if you would've made one more face at me, i would've lost it and would've had to leave this room." i said, "i was kinda hoping you would, but i didn't want her to pummel you like a raging cappuccino monkey." he couldn't breathe from laughing...my work here was done. the waiting room then went back to it's normal waiting room ways...people quietly engrossed in their magazines, waiting for their names to be called. (no one saying a word. complete silence.) it had been 30 glorious minutes of sweatpants sally blurting out her fantastic, vocal violation of the ears and mind...and i loved every minute of it.

small

so usually on a weekly basis, i am reminded how small this big world of ours is. i grew up in a very small town, and it still amazes me how many people from and around that town are a. related or b. know each other. facebook makes the world an even smaller place, still. sometimes i see people that are "friends" on there and think...how do they know each other? or where did they meet? (maybe i'm the only one that feels that way, but whatever) i mean granted, i don't know (personally) all 600 or so of my "friends" on facebook...but i don't add anyone that haven't heard of, or isn't a friend of a friend. i know who these people are...in a general sense.

anyway, back to this small world thing..i was sauntering (alright, at 8 months pregnant..it's more like waddling) around the lunch room on lunch duty today. (which is a real treat let me tell you...to have this 'duty' everyday) i breezed by a bunch of milk crates that were stacked in the corner of one wall and happened to glance over and see this:

that's right folks! good old Leiby's Dairy out of Tamaqua, PA. (population: don't blink or you'll miss it) this is a town right near the town that i grew up. (ie/ our football team played their football team) some kids caught me taking a picture of the crates and they looked puzzled. i told a group of second graders i was a "milk crate collector" and i had hundreds of different kinds stored at my house. (they laughed, but they were not sure if i was serious or not. i hope at least one of them goes home and tells their mom i am an avid milk crate collector.) anyway, as i looked at this dumb crate, i thought...how in the world did this end up here. let me give you some demographics...the town where i teach is 40% white, 40% african american, 20% hispanic. tamaqua's demographics (the town where the milk crate originated from) are a bit different: 98% white, 1% african american, 1% hispanic. (i did not make this stuff up...it's straight from wikipedia.) and so, as i was staring at this milk crate...i was thinking in terms of walt disney: it's small world after all. (but seriously, i still want to know how that milk crate ended up there.)

on this same note...butch went on a field trip today to national gallery of art in DC. as we were making dinner, he said (matter of factly), "i didn't know 'the mall' (in DC) wasn't an actual mall." i said, "excuse me?" he went on to explain that he and two of his coworkers were standing outside of the museum, and he pointed to the smithsonian building and said, "so, is that the mall?" the one guy was like, "um, no...that's the smithsonian building." butch said, "ok, so where's the mall?" (meaning an actual shopping mall, not the national mall...which includes the Capitol building and several national monuments and memorials.) i started laughing at this point...i couldn't help it. he said, "so you knew it wasn't an actual mall?" yes, butch, i knew.  he then replied, "blog away, trish! blog away!" (whoops.)

so i guess two country bumpkins ended up living and working outside of DC, just how that dumb milk crate ended up here...by chance. that walt disney was one smart son of a bitch, because it truly is a small world...after all.

tantrums

so today is our last day of spring break and we decided to go for a leisurely lunch at cheesecake factory. leisurely being the key word and ultimate goal here. we left our house about 11:30, which apparently turned out to be dangerously close to naptime. (first mistake) as we nestled into our oversized booth, the waitress (a perky blonde, who was about my age...but wearing braces) asked us if we would like a high chair or a booster seat. "ah, what the hell, let's try the booster seat," i said. (second mistake) at first, ella was pumped about her maiden voyage with the booster seat, sitting on it like she was the queen of sheba. we were oohhhing and aaahhhing at her for the first 5 minutes telling her what a 'big girl' she was. (i'm pretty sure at this point, she was plotting her next stunt.)

the food came. after a few bites of french fries, the queen decided the throne was a bad choice and she wanted to bounce around the booth like ping pong ball. she was up and down, hanging off of butch's head like a hat,wiping her greasy fingers all over his shirt, knocking down the salt and pepper shakers...which then sent her into an extreme sneezing fit due to the black specks all over her hands. people were starting to stare. at that point, i said, "do you want to come and sit with mommy?" (third mistake) she shook her head yes and before butch could grab her, stepped ON TOP OF the table and climbed over it godzilla style...stepping directly on my sandwich and knocking over my cup of fries. after i grabbed her she began pawing for my iced tea, simultaneously dipping the spilled fries in ketchup and licking the ketchup off yelling YUM. YUM. YUM. loud enough for anyone in a 10 foot radius to hear.

prior to this, i would see children behaving like this at restaurants and say, "my child will never, ever act like THAT!" (um, newsflash sister...your first born is acting like THAT.) after i got ketchup smeared on my dress for the fourth time, i took the fries away and calmly said, "that's enough." this sent her into a tailspin. she started yelling "NONONONONO!" (all the while fighting me like a rape victim.) she was punching me in the jugular, gauging at my eyeballs, and throwing herself around. first major tantrum, in public. (it was lotsa fun.) there were plenty of people staring now and i felt like mother of the year. blond brace face came back and said over ella's screams, "um, would you like the check now?" (i wanted to yell back (as i had my child in a headlock)...yeah, pumpkin, that would be spectacular. do you also have a tranquilizer gun in the back you could bring me?) i know other parents were probably sympathetic with the whole situation, but i'd be willing to guess there were people like my former self saying, "my child will never, ever...."

thank god as we walked out of the restaurant, pigtailed princess in pink had gotten herself under control. (i almost felt that we should all take a bow and ask the people around us if they enjoyed the show.) in the parking lot, i turned to butch and said, "well, that was fun...." he said, "fun!? fun for who? that was about as fun as getting a tooth pulled!" note to self (and other parents)...never underestimate your child (and their behavior), because they will make a liar out of you every. single. time.

liar, liar...pants on fire.

so much for a leisurely lunch. fail.

nesting

i have been nesting the shit out of my house the past couple of days. (i could barely stop long enough to write this.) for those of you that aren't privy to this phenomenon, it is the instinct that takes over a pregnant woman's brain and body...convincing them that if they do not clean and organize to the point of exhaustion, the child inhabiting their uterus will spontaneously combust upon birth. (you may laugh, but this is truly what it feels like...at least to me) if i don't go back to work soon, the entire contents of my house will be posted on craigslist and freecycle. there is also currently a large desk in my front yard with a 'free' sign hanging from it, a boxspring on my front porch, and several bags of miscellaneous items in bags awaiting delivery to goodwill. not to mention the fact that i made my husband clean out the attic today, because 'it just needed to be done'. it's a sickness. i've talked to other pregnant people about this, and i'm so glad i'm not the only one. one of my friends at one point was cleaning the rings that hold up her shower curtain. (apparently her newborn baby was going to need an impromptu teether?) one morning last week, i was bent over the toilet scrubbing it with bleach before work. butch just stared. (at this point, i think i scare him...he doesn't say too much.)

so, after ella was born...i kinda understood why this instinct kicks in. after you actually give birth to the baby, you do not have enough energy to wipe your own ass let alone clean and organize your house. things kind of go awry and you are so damn tired that the thought of cleaning a bathroom or organizing anything is kind of scary. (frightening, really.) butch has put up with my crap for the past couple of days, but i know at some point he is going to really going to lose his shit and tell me to knock it the hell off. prior to painting ella's big girl room (our former guest room) on friday, i showed him the colors i liked. i held out two paint swatches and he goes, "oh my god, trish! we can't paint ella's room that color." i looked at the swatch and was thinking...what the hell? it's PINK for christsake! instead i said, "why!?" he said, "um, the name?? Pink Ballet STRIPPER!...we can't have the color 'pink ballet stripper' on the walls of our daughters room!" confused, i looked at it again and then yelled, "the color is called pink ballet SLIPPER you moron!" after a laughing spell, he agreed that the pink ballet stripper hue would be just fine. i figure it's a good thing to keep him laughing, because i'd rather not have him smother me in my sleep. (maybe this is why so many husbands kill their pregnant wives?)

you know damn well that you are acting like martha stewart on steroids, but you can't stop. i had butch so wound up on saturday, that after loading our car with furniture (that was being transported to my friend fen's house), he backed my car into his car that was also parked in our driveway. i heard a smash and looked out the bay window. he gets out (face chalk white) and sees me and i yell (through the window) "what the hell are you doing?!" he goes, "i didn't see my damn car! i didn't see it!!" (hands flying all over the place) judging from the array of shit on our lawn and porch, along with that glorious incident...our neighbors probably think we are goddamn idiots. (rightfully, so.) upon inspection, the cars weren't that banged up...and we laughed about it, but i know his breaking point is coming soon. again, i need to go back to work so that i don't have so much time on my hands to devote to this nesting business. i just got done dangling from a ladder (cleaning the ceiling fans) long enough to write this. however, i will say, i really hope that when i do go back to work after easter that i have everything cleaned and organized the right way...because i surely don't want my unborn child to bust into flames upon delivery.