quotes

sadly, this will be my last of the school quotes for the next 3 months. however, this month's quotes and pictures did not disappoint. kids are awesome. enjoy...i know i did.


may 1
"i can't wait to be 8!"
"why?"
"because when i'm 8, i  can sit in the front seat of my dad's truck!"
(exciting stuff!)


"mrs. s...do you know why my grandma died?"
"no, why?"
"because she got tired of walking up and down the stairs."
(interesting theory.)


may 2
free journal writing

(yes, you do look cool...and you are cool for writing this in your journal.)

may 4

"my ear wax tastes like chicken."

"that's pretty gross...and how do you know that?"

"um...i tasted it!"

(she burst out laughing at the face i made...holy cats.)

may 7

"mrs. s...do you want to know what my mom said about you?"

"yes, what did she say.." (i was scared.)

"she told my dad that you're da bomb!"

(i'll take it!)

may 8

at the end of the day, some of my former students come to visit before getting picked up. here's how one such conversation went with a now 3rd grader.

"so do you think you are going to have 1 baby or 2?"

"well, you know i already have ella, and one more will make 2. i think two is enough."

"no, i mean like right now, in your stomach."

"oh. does it look like I have two in there?"

"oh yes, (very concerned) it's much bigger than the last time..."

(gee thanks, kid...)

may 9

free journal writing

"I see Sanaa and Jalen."

(this little girl (Sanaa) has an obvious classroom crush on the little boy (Jalen)...i thought the pic was very sweet when i came across it in her journal.)

may 10

a group of girls were talking at playtime about a birthday.

"i hope you aren't inviting boys to your birthday party...because boys are dumb!"

"yeah, they are really nasty..."

"and they smell bad, too."

(ladies, i'll give you all a few years, and then check back with me...)

career day was today. here is an illustration of what my all time favorite student wants to be when he grows up:

astronaut = awesome

may 11

the kids rest everyday on the floor for 20 minutes, it was really quiet and one yells...

"OH MY GOSH, MRS. S!!!! WHY DOES OUR FLOOR SMELL LIKE CHEESE!? AND STINKY FEET!?" 

(rest time was officially over at this point...because all the kids started agreeing, and i started laughing...)

language arts gone bad.

drawing for Ll: Liquor (whoops.)

may 14

i test the kid's reading abilities 3 times a year...one of these times is in may. one student was doing particularly well and i stopped him...

"wow, richard! you must've been practicing these words at home!"

(really proud.) "NOPE! i actually just watch TV all the time..!"

may 21

one student to another during independent work time:

"there is a song about a girl that wants jesus to take the wheel...and i can't figure out why she wants jesus to drive her car."

(loved this one...)

may 23

draw and illustration for the letter Jj.

the little boy asked me what a 'jig' was (it was one of our vocab words) and i told him 'a dance'. so he drew someone dancing...complete with someone rocking out on a turn table. 


(A+!)

when i saw this, i said, "so jesus has pig tails?!" 

she looked at me like i had five heads and said, "nooooo...he has long hairrrrrr!" 

(oh, ok...well done.)

free journal writing

i assure you i am not your mommy.

may 24

while reading a story aloud called Chicka, Chicka 1, 2, 3 there is a line that says, 

"WoW! these apple taste like heaven!"

a little girl calls out waving her hands in front of her...

"waitttttt! why do they say apples taste like heaven? i have NO idea what heaven tastes like!!!!!!"

(good point!...me neither, kid!) 

may 25

i overheard a group of kids talking and then one of them saunters over to my desk all sad..

"mrs. s...i'm very sorry, i said the 's' word."

"ok...well please try not to say it again."

(sidenote...i heard what he said. the s word? stupid. and i have no problems letting him believe that's a "bad" word...)

“Oh the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all.” 

-Dr. Suess

boogieman

it's been about 6 weeks since ella has woken up in the middle of the night. however, my own sleep habits have been rather shitty in those past 6 weeks (due to my large proportions), so i haven't really been able to enjoy it. she decided to break her streak last night and not only not go to bed at her normal hour (7:30pm), but also get up repeatedly throughout the evening. when i put her in her crib, she immediately stood back up and said, "NO!". (oh yes, she's talking now...talking a. lot.) i walked out of the room like helen keller, hoping she would get my drift. i didn't hear anything else until about 8:30pm when we were sitting on the couch and butch said, "did you hear something?" we muted the tv and heard, "MOMMY! DADDY! MOMMY! DADDY!" (oh crap.) so butch goes up...her binky had "fallen" out of the crib and she wanted it, when he went to hand it to her...she grabbed his arm and  clung to him like a fly on a glue trap. (enter beginning of a painful evening...) 


at about 9pm, we put her in bed with us...hoping that she would go to sleep and we could sneaky snake her back over to her crib without any problems. as we laid there, the dog (who was having wicked gas problems all day) busted ass. (it reeked like the day they serve broccoli in the school cafeteria) i smelled it, i knew butch smelled it...but we didn't say a word (hoping ella was falling asleep). then...out of ella's mouth flies (really loud and squawky) "A BUTT!? A BUTT!?" as in, i smell a butt..whose is it? i lost it. butch lost it. ella lost it. it took a few minutes for all of us to get it together...and yell at the dog to get the hell out of the room. shortly after several shots to the ribs and one swift kick to butch's groin...our evil parenting planned worked, she fell asleep. i carried her over around 11pm. fingers crossed this was the last i'd see of her beautiful face until dawn.


no such luck. around 2pm, i heard her whimpering in her crib and left her go until it turned into full blown screams. i went over and you would've thought the boogieman himself did his own personal show for her prior to me coming in the bedroom. there was snot all over her face, tears streaming down her cheeks, and i asked her what was wrong. "I dunnnooooooooo." was the answer. well i don't know either, kid, but i'm tired as hell so let's get to the bottom of this. back in the bed with us she came...and i gave her some ibuprofen for good measure. as she quieted down, i suddenly heard sirens outside. lots of sirens. loud sirens...like they were in our backyard. butch got up and looked out the window in the bathroom...and then proceeded to give me a blow by blow about what was happening. news anchor style he started stating, "there are 3 firetrucks and an ambulance...a man is yelling...he sounds mad...there are people with flashlights." easy dan rather...come back to bed. 


at 4am, ella was still awake. i was pretending to be asleep and she was hovered over me saying, "hi? mommy? hi?" all the while prying my eyelids open with her toothpick fingers. it was at this point i realized that i was not going to be able to function at work the next day and got out the computer to put in for a substitute. i also decided that i would try to put her back into her bed. by some glory grace of god...she went back in without a fight. (maybe she could sense i was ready to lose my shit?! who knows.) at 8am, i went into get her after hearing her talking. this is what i found:

i'm pretty sure this stands for "kiss my ass" in toddler language. she was laughing her head off, too! also notice that she has georgey the monkey and minnie the mouse comfortably 'tucked in' and minnie is complete with a binky hanging out of her mouth. i asked her again why she was up all night...she said, "i dunnnooooooo" again. she better "know" tonight, or i'm going to lose it. i feel like the walking dead. part of me thinks that she knows something is up...that her kid sister is ready to make an appearance any day now. toddlers are like dogs and bees...they smell trouble. 


on a side note, it's probably a good thing i didn't venture into work this morning. i got a text from a coworker that the school building was locked (with no one to open it) until 8am and everyone had to wait outside (with all of the kids). in this heat, i would've given birth in the parking lot. secondly, navy graduation is today and with ella's sitter a mile from the stadium, i could've gotten caught in mega traffic when picking her up later. third, the dog is still having stomach issues and wants to go out every 5 minutes...pretty sure i would've come home to a shit storm had she been left alone for 9 hours. everything happens for a reason, i suppose. however, that boogieman better not come again tonight for a live viewing in ella's bedroom...because he will have to answer to a very irate, very pregnant lady. pretty sure i could scare the shit out of him with merely just a look. 

uncle

some days i feel like i'm zipping around with a rocket up my ass (even though i'm shaped like a planet), and other days i feel like i'm going to have my own cameo on the show 'my 600 lb life'...today was the latter. i probably could get a spot on that show after i gave birth if i really ate what i wanted to. i get so hungry that i most definitely feel like i could beat kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest, and then i take two bites of food and feel like i'm going to vomit. it's really dumb. all internal organs are compromised at this point...bladder and stomach being the two most affected. i can't eat more than ella at one sitting, and i should be wearing a diaper. i'm like a fat two year old. (stop laughing.) 


along with feeling like a tubby toddler, i also happened to have my thirteenth doctor appointment in the past 9 months today. (only two more to go...pumped.) my uncle (an extremely funny human being) texted me this morning to invite me to go to my cousin's strings concert tonight...he plays the viola. (the last time i went, i was in desperate need of ear plugs and a flask.) i said i couldn't go because i had other plans but i would stop by after my doctor appointment. long story short, he ended up coming to the appointment with me. my uncle has the ability to make me laugh with no more than a look or a raise of his eyebrows, especially in public. we share the same sense of humor and any outing usually turns into one or both of us laughing hysterically. (or spitting whatever we are drinking out of our mouths.) we both act like complete clowns. an OB appointment was probably a bad choice for "shared outing" when it includes the two of us. 


so we get there and they immediately whisk me back to the office and leave him in the waiting room. i ended up getting the strange older nurse for the initial part of my visit. i get her almost every time. she always has on a face like she's smelling something bad, and has a "done it all, seen it all" mentality. (dislike) anyway, she leads me back and asks me if i have anyone along for the appointment. i explained that my uncle was in the waiting room...she gave me a weird look. my uncle and i are only 10 years apart. (i'm 30, he's 40.) he's been more like a friend to me than my 'uncle' and we are actually closer in age than my mom and he are. so she said, 'well you better tell him to come back here and sit by the lab.' so i peek my head out into the waiting room and he was out there looking panic stricken. i told him to come back and he rambled something about not doing this for 10 years and he wasn't sure what to expect. he looked scared. (they are going to rub jelly on my belly and show you a distorted picture of the baby. relax.) i laughed at him. he still looked scared.


he sat down and they took me into the exam room. i didn't realize that along with an ultrasound to see what position the baby was in, they were also doing a culture and internal exam. (they are about as fun as they sound..joy.) so obviously he wasn't going to be in the room for the first part of the exam, just for the ultrasound. along with the strange nurse, i ended up having the strange doctor that also is part of the practice. (double whammy.) when they finally let my uncle into the exam room, we were both sitting there. he started with, "so the one weird lady says to the other weird lady...he can go in now" (he was talking about the nurse and the doctor i had..and i bust out laughing, because they are both in fact, very weird.) now while interacting with just me, the doctor acted annoyed that i had brought someone with me to the appointment...she stated that she was 90% sure the baby was head down and she was just going to do a 'quick scan' with the ultrasound. i stated that my uncle certainly wasn't there for the first part of the exam, and that he had come for the ultrasound. she (almost) rolled her eyes. (whatever doc, you are getting paid like $2347 dollars by my insurance for this appointment...lube up my belly and run that thing over it so he can see the baby for 2 minutes, would that be too much!? at that point, i wanted to punch the vagina doctor directly in the vagina. holy hormones.) 


when my uncle was in the room, it was a totally different story...she was overly nice, sweet as sugar plums and actually the total opposite of what she was with me! (dirty bitch.) the 'quick scan' turned into a full body scan of the baby...pointing out the lips, nose, eyes, heart, back, lungs, elbow, big toe, etc, etc, etc. when we were through...my uncle said he felt like he was a student in medical school during her exam. (she chuckled with her head back...and i almost punched her in the throat.) she even printed out pictures for him to take home! as the cherry on the sundae, she offered me a hand to help me sit up when she was done the ultrasound...a detail she missed after she had done the first part of the exam. (and is just common courtesy for someone that is as pregnant as i.) after the culture and internal exam, i ended up doing the double leg kick, half roll on my side to try to get up the first time. a move i've patented from getting out of bed by myself 50 times in the middle of the night. (it's really graceful.) when she left the room, my mouth dropped open and i looked at my uncle and explained all the differences from the first part of the exam to the second. after laughing his head off, he said, "i'd never have taken her for a dirty bitch..she seemed so nice." i told him i wanted to punch her in the vagina. he laughed some more.


so the conclusion of the whole appointment was that the baby is in fact head down, ready to fire out of me like a clown out of a cannon; even doctors can be two faced (and act like dirty bitches); and i am still as large as a sumo wrestler and probably will be for the next 3 weeks or so. the good news is, i didn't get any calls to appear on 'my 600 LB life'...nor the 'caught on camera' episode where the pregnant lady goes ape shit and punches the doctor in her private parts. (only 20 more days...hang onto your hats, folks.)

haircut

today i asked my husband if he could pick up ella at the sitter so that i could go get my hair cut after work. i made this decision this morning at like 6am as i went to untangle my mane and a small squirrel appeared in my hairbush. i used to make an appointment every six weeks to go to get it tamed. it's been like at least six months. (at least) it's not that i don't care about how i look, because i do (i think everyone does). it's just that my priorities have changed and my recent side pony has been my go to hair style for a while now. it's easy and it's quick. (two things i enjoy these days) so anyway, i strolled into none other than hair cuttery around 4pm, without an appointment, and waddled up to the desk. all heads turned as i walked through the door, and not due to my super model good looks. i'm large and i was wearing a shirt that could've been made by coleman or ozark trail. (yes, the tent companies.) i mean, there is no hiding my girth at this point, but some shirts (especially black ones) make me look not as large. the shirt i was wearing today was not one of those shirts. (think muumuu.)

the place was dead, there wasn't anyone there but me. (and a slew of hair stylists.) a perky blonde bounced up to the front desk and said, "hiiiiiiiiiiii there!!!!!! howwwww cannnn iiiii hellpppp youuuu!" i felt like saying, "well i'm not here for an oil change sister...i need a damn haircut." i went with, "i need a haircut. i look like sasquatch and i'm about to give birth so i figured i better get it done soon." she giggled. i smiled. "oooookkk! do you have an appooinnnttmennntt?" no. "do you careee who cuts it?" listen blondy, i just walked into an establishment so eloquently named 'hair cuttery' without an appointment and you think i care who cuts my hair?" i should've started doing eenie meenie minie mo around the room for shits and giggles. i said, "how about you, would you like to cut it?" she acted like she won the lottery. "ohhh offf coursee! that would be AWWEEEESOOMMME!" alright...at this point i was like cut the goddamn bullshit, you are going to get a tip...however, i refuse to share your enthusiasm. i'm 9 months pregnant...i haven't slept in 2 weeks, my back hurts, i'll probably have to pee during your cutting extravaganza, i almost aborted the hair cutting mission in exchange for a nap and as long as you don't make me look like a serial killer, i'll be good with whatever style you go with.

she led me back to her chair, i whipped out the side pony and she gasped. (the gasp could've meant a multitude of things...split ends? gray hair? a small rodent was living inside there? i didn't know.) "oooo i didn't realize it was soooo longg!" yes, it's very long. i'm on enough vitamins to rival a small garden of vegetables and i haven't had it cut in half a year. i said, "yeah, it's kinda out of control. you don't have to do anything fancy...just trim it up." she looked disappointed, apparently she was discouraged by my lack of hair enthusiasm. she grimaced. i smiled. she said, "so what are we doing today?" i said dryly.."well i thought i was here for a haircut?" she said, "nooo...like what do you want done? shampoo? cut? dry?" i replied, "oh, well how much does all that cost here?" she's squeaked, "the shampoo and cut is $16 and the blow dry is another $16...so $32 all together." i stared at her. i was sitting there thinking to myself that it used to be nothing for me to drop at least $50 for a haircut, and now $32 was sounding ridiculous to me. i could wrap my brain around the "$16 for shampoo and cut" but was appalled at "$16 to blow hot air onto my head." i went with, "the shampoo and cut will be just fine." another grimace from perky patty.

so as i'm laying back in the sink she starts asking the normal pregnancy questions..."what are you having?" (a girl.) when are you due? (27 days.) do you have other children? (one.) are you done having kids? (yes...i think so.)" then she almost yelled (startling me), "would you like the deep condition for another $10 it will make your hair so shiny and luxurious!?" i think she wanted me to clap my hands and jump out of my chair with joy. i didn't. (and had to keep myself from rolling my eyes.) "nah, i'm good...just the standard shampoo and condition will be fine." another pouty face from blondy. man, i was really raining on her parade. she led me back to her chair with a little less pep in her step. as she was cutting, she was very quiet and so was i. snip, snip, snip...and then all of a sudden"AHHHHHH!!!!" she screamed. (yes, screamed.) i then saw the blood. the girl cut her damn finger and then proceeded to put down her scissors and run out of the room. i sat there for 10 minutes staring at myself in the oversized mirror thinking, "did that really just happen?" (i was actually biting my lip trying not to laugh outloud.) finally, she came back, all bandaged up and was apologizing over and over as she finished cutting my hair. i told her she could stop apologizing and i was just glad she didn't take off a chunk of my ear instead, making me look like evander holyfield. she laughed, but gave me a funny look...i don't think she knew who holyfield was or what the hell i was talking about.

she had me look at my wet hair (no way i'm paying $16 dollars for a damn blow dry) from every angle to make sure i "liked" it. i assured her she did a phenomenal job. (this made her day...i could tell.) she nearly skipped up to the desk, as i waddled behind her. she said, "well, i'm sorry about the finger again...i hope you come back and see me for another cut. here is my card..." she handed over her card. (and as i read it, i had to bite my lip again.) the kicker to this whole story? her name was (drumroll please...) mitzie. (how fitting) i must say that mitzie met her match today...and no worries mitz, i will be back for another cut...in about 6 months. (giving her plenty of time for her finger to heal...and for me to stop laughing about it.)

motherhood

i always knew from a very young age that i wanted to be a mother. i had always loved being around children, babysat many kids in my neighborhood...had that maternal instinct very early on. that being said, when i did become a mother at the ripe old age of 28...nothing at all could've prepared me for the roller coaster ride i was about to embark on. (and that being said, i don't think anything can really fully prepare you for this adventure) currently, it is around 2am and i am wide awake writing this due to the fact that i just can't sleep. the child that is currently inhabiting my womb is assaulting my internal organs, making it impossible to close my eyes and get some rest. i know that i complain a lot about being pregnant...but i am fully aware of how utterly amazing the whole thing is. i am also truly aware of how lucky i am to have two semi-easy pregnancies and two (hopefully) healthy babies. even though i'm cursing to myself as i get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom for the 14th time, i am not ungrateful. (i swear.)


my own mother is nothing short of amazing, either. my mom, though, wasn't the typical betty crocker, suzy homemaker type mother. she didn't really cook, didn't like to clean, didn't fold laundry into neat little piles...but i will say this: she was always there. she showed up. i don't remember her missing one event, one sports game, one thing that was ever important to me. (she was even present for the birth of my own daughter) and my point is this...i think this is what kids remember the most. that you were there. that you showed up and you cared. that you loved them. (i mean, a home cooked meal consisting of more than grilled cheese and soup would've been nice every once in a while...but i didn't turn into an ax murderer because i didn't have one every night.) one time at a friend's bridal shower, they passed out recipe cards and asked us to write down our favorite home cooked meal that our mother made us...my mom looked up over her mimosa sheepishly at me, and then we both burst out laughing. we laugh a lot, about a lot of different things. she has been a wonderful mother to my brothers and i, and an inspiration to me as i became a mother myself.

motherhood is quite simply the most amazing thing i've ever experienced. (it also has made me bat shit crazy.) i think that it is very important to take it seriously, but to not let it own you. if you turn into super mommy and forget that you are a wife, daughter, sister, or friend (insert other role i forgot here)...you kinda lose yourself. (unfortunately, i've watched some moms i know do this.) your kid becomes a part of you, a big part...but they shouldn't be all of you. i am in awe of all the mothers that i've known in my life, and i'm blessed to have known some really great ones. (my grandmother topping that list.) when i first had ella, i had so much support from gals who had been through the 'slap in the face' called first time motherhood. women form a cult when they become moms, and thank god for that. so thank you to all of the moms i've known and that have helped me along the way, the mom that is helping to raise my child while i go to work everyday and help to raise other people's children, and my own mom. cheers to you and happy mother's day. may you be just as bat shit crazy as i. 






"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns into compassion and understanding." -Erma Bombeck

career

today was career day at school. a day where the average joe can come in and tell us about what they do for a living. the kids love it. (the teachers? not so much.) these 'guest speakers' try their darndest to explain their jobs to the kids, but it usually ends up an epic fail. the worst ones are the business people who speak over the kids heads, using big words and majorly confusing them. the children end up sitting there looking like codfish, mouths agape, with "what the hell are these people talking about?" looks on their faces. we started our day by making a list of different careers on the chalkboard.  they named the usuals; pilot, teacher, baker, fireman, police officer, photographer...and then one child said, "lawyer." (not usually one i get on the list..) so i said, "does anyone know what a lawyer does?" one little boy raised his hand and said, "takes money from people?" (i don't care who you are...that's funny.)

the first visitor to the classroom was a police officer (loves me a man in uniform) from the DC area...along with none other than McGruff the crime dog. i don't know what it is about people dressed in ridiculous costumes, but it makes children absolutely and utterly lose. their. minds. i mean, the gun and handcuffs hanging off the police officer's belt were enough to send them into a tizzy, but when that 6 foot 5, big-headed, trench coat adorned dog entered the scene...shit got crazy. some were laughing, some where scared, some let out shrieks of joy like they just looked out the window and puppies were falling from the sky. i was sitting at my desk and had just finished my morning coffee, fully unprepared (mentally) for this party of pain. i slowly stood up and walked over to the police officer and shook his hand (i don't know what it is about a uniform, but frankenstein could've shown up in one and i think my heart would've skipped a beat)...and then Mcgruff reached out to give me a hug. (christ, it's too early for this shit...) i hugged the fake canine with as much enthusiasm as i could muster, and he began rubbing his oversized paws all over my back. (dude, i know that there is a real person under there...knock it off.) of course, the kids started cheering. it was 9am and i was hugging an oversized crime fighting dog, while children hooted and hollered. (one question...what were you doing at your job at that time?)

after they entered the scene, it took a good 7 minutes for everyone to calm down and pulses return to normal. (and i'm talking about the kids, not me and my uniform fetish...) officer williams started by asking "does anyone know what i do as a police officer?" one child's hand shoots up, (i always hold my breath, because you never know what is going to come out of their mouths) "well...when people steal stuff from the store, you chase them down." he said, "yes, that's right...and i also keep people safe." a child calls out, "with your gun!?" he asks, "well, what do you think i use my gun for?"  one kid answers, "when people run...you chase them with your gun out..." so i interjected, "so if mrs. s runs, you would need a gun to chase me?" the child looks at me (and my ginormous belly) and says, "um...you wouldn't be very fast, so i could totally catch you, even without a gun." i gave him 'the look'. (very funny, kid.) the police officer laughed his ass off...he actually snorted at one point while convulsing. (not funny, pal.)

as if the large costumed dog wasn't enough...we then got to go outside and see the K-9 unit, complete with 2 other real live dogs. i love dogs, but animals have the same effect on children as costumed characters...you would've thought i shot pure cane sugar into their asses with a needle before we set foot into the parking lot. they saw the dogs and went NUTS. absolutely crazy. one of the kids was so excited, i thought he was having a seizure. so another police officer then describes that one of the dogs helps chase down criminals, and the other one is a drug finding dog. she pulled out a rubber ball and the drug dog went ape shit trying to get it. she said, "now you see...this ball is filled with drugs, so that's why she wants it so badly. " at that point, with the way my morning was going... i almost straight armed the police officer, grabbed the drug ball and ran for the hills. (however, i'm pretty sure the police officer would've sent the dog after me...and with my large size and condition, i wouldn't have made it more than a few feet without being brutally bitten in the ass cheek.)

included in the canine crazy morning were presentations from an aviation museum curator (who had the children make paper airplanes and fly them around the classroom), a metro bus tour (that included a large ad for condoms on the ceiling...totally appropriate), and a karate demonstration from an instructor (who taught the children how to properly kick and punch each other). needless to say, if i wasn't pregnant...i'd be belly up to the bar with my fellow colleagues laughing about our career day disaster. by 1pm, i had been felt up by a costumed canine, hit in the head by several paper air planes, toured a parked 60 foot metro bus, and was karate chopped by several of my students just because they wanted to demonstrate their skills...all the while trying to maintain composure and control of my class in front of our "guests." so when i start counting down the days until summer vacation...i don't want to hear your shit. i think this day alone serves as a valid reason for wanting a day (or a couple months) off.


"adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas." -paula poundstone

art

in the afternoon on thursdays, we have been learning about a new artist each week and then creating artwork using the same style as that artist. (it's lotsa fun.) today we learned about jackson pollock, and it ended up as one of those lessons where i didn't expect it to turn out the way it did. (but such is life in the world of kindergarten.) i started the lesson by having the kids join around the computer and i showed them several examples of jackson pollock artwork. i also showed them pictures of jackson pollock creating the artwork. that's when the questions and comments started rolling in...hands fly up and i call on the first student. "so is this guy dead? because all the other artists we learned about are dead." i explained that, yes...he died in a car crash in 1956. one child yells out..."wow! 1956? that's like before i was born! that was probably before you were born!" (lots of nods) i explained that he died before my dad was even born. most of the kids were smacking their heads at this point and absolutely could. not. believe. that his death happened so long ago. then one of my favorites says, (shaking his head) "so another dead guy...why are we learning about another dead guy. my brother is learning about artists too in his class and they are all dead, too! nothing but dead guys!" (i bust out laughing...i couldn't help it.) a little girl looks at him and says, "well, i'm an artist and i'm not dead..." he looked her straight in the eye and said, "well we aren't learning about you now are we! you are not famous...and your art is not that good!" (i bit my lip...as she is not very 'talented' in this department.) she stuck her tongue out at him. "now, now...kind words please."


i went on to ask them why they thought pollock's art was so popular and why people liked it so much. one student yells out, "i have nooooooooooo idea...this looks stuff looks like garbage." (garbage!) another one pipes in..."yeah! it looks like i could do this artwork...and i'm only 5 years old!" (i kinda agree.) i said, "well...you are going to get to try this style of painting." (hoots and hollers all around!) so we venture outside to the parking lot and they are all giggling like a gaggle of monkeys. losing. their. minds. that i am going to allow them to fling paint all over the place and that they aren't going to get in trouble for it. i showed them how to (carefully..if that's possible.) fling the paint from the brush to the paper. there were a few gentlemen that i knew were going to get a little out of hand. (i saved them for last.) one child ended up with yellow paint on his pants, shirt, shoes, socks, and in his hair. he also had it up his nose and in his left ear. (i sent him home with a matching yellow post-it stuck to his shirt that said, "sorry for the mess.") as we finished up....i asked the kids how they liked doing the art project. they were PUMPED. i knew this project was a real winner when one little girl yelled on the top of her lungs.."THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!" (paint dripping off the end of her nose...) 


below are 2 pieces of artwork. one was made by jackson pollock...one was made by my kindergarten class. can you tell the difference? yeah....neither can i.

 

 

"painting is self-discovery." -jackson pollock