motherhood

i always knew from a very young age that i wanted to be a mother. i had always loved being around children, babysat many kids in my neighborhood...had that maternal instinct very early on. that being said, when i did become a mother at the ripe old age of 28...nothing at all could've prepared me for the roller coaster ride i was about to embark on. (and that being said, i don't think anything can really fully prepare you for this adventure) currently, it is around 2am and i am wide awake writing this due to the fact that i just can't sleep. the child that is currently inhabiting my womb is assaulting my internal organs, making it impossible to close my eyes and get some rest. i know that i complain a lot about being pregnant...but i am fully aware of how utterly amazing the whole thing is. i am also truly aware of how lucky i am to have two semi-easy pregnancies and two (hopefully) healthy babies. even though i'm cursing to myself as i get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom for the 14th time, i am not ungrateful. (i swear.)


my own mother is nothing short of amazing, either. my mom, though, wasn't the typical betty crocker, suzy homemaker type mother. she didn't really cook, didn't like to clean, didn't fold laundry into neat little piles...but i will say this: she was always there. she showed up. i don't remember her missing one event, one sports game, one thing that was ever important to me. (she was even present for the birth of my own daughter) and my point is this...i think this is what kids remember the most. that you were there. that you showed up and you cared. that you loved them. (i mean, a home cooked meal consisting of more than grilled cheese and soup would've been nice every once in a while...but i didn't turn into an ax murderer because i didn't have one every night.) one time at a friend's bridal shower, they passed out recipe cards and asked us to write down our favorite home cooked meal that our mother made us...my mom looked up over her mimosa sheepishly at me, and then we both burst out laughing. we laugh a lot, about a lot of different things. she has been a wonderful mother to my brothers and i, and an inspiration to me as i became a mother myself.

motherhood is quite simply the most amazing thing i've ever experienced. (it also has made me bat shit crazy.) i think that it is very important to take it seriously, but to not let it own you. if you turn into super mommy and forget that you are a wife, daughter, sister, or friend (insert other role i forgot here)...you kinda lose yourself. (unfortunately, i've watched some moms i know do this.) your kid becomes a part of you, a big part...but they shouldn't be all of you. i am in awe of all the mothers that i've known in my life, and i'm blessed to have known some really great ones. (my grandmother topping that list.) when i first had ella, i had so much support from gals who had been through the 'slap in the face' called first time motherhood. women form a cult when they become moms, and thank god for that. so thank you to all of the moms i've known and that have helped me along the way, the mom that is helping to raise my child while i go to work everyday and help to raise other people's children, and my own mom. cheers to you and happy mother's day. may you be just as bat shit crazy as i. 






"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns into compassion and understanding." -Erma Bombeck