quotes

here are some of my favorite february classroom quotes. enjoy. 

2.1.12

i have the pleasure of having lunch duty in the cafeteria everyday.

"mrs. s, is this snot?" (pointing to yellow squash)

"excuse me?" 

"is. this. snot.?"

"no, it's squash."

"well whatever squash is...it looks and tastes like snot." 

(in her defense...it kind of did look like snot.)

2.6.12

draw something that begins with an 'n'. one of my favorite kids draws a ninja.

'

so i ask...."what is that between his legs?"

answer? "his penis...but don't worry, it's covered with green cloth" 

(shouldn't have asked.)

2.7.12

"some girl put up her middle finger at the superbowl show...and she didn't say she was sorry. that's bad."

(hey, if a 5 year old knows it's bad...how is it the 35 year old that did it, didn't know it was bad?) 

2.8.12

"mrs. s...can i tell you something special?" (whispering in my ear)

(whispering back) "sure."

stands back from my desk, hands over her head and yells..."IT'S HUMP DAY!!!!!"

when i began laughing, she said (looking confused)..."well, that's what my mom calls wednesday..i don't know why!"

2.9.12

a random present from a student. a ginormous pickle.

why? "because pregnant ladies like pickles..."

(true....i took a bite out of it before i realized i should've taken a picture.)

free journal writing

"i see a key."

(oh, a key...glad it's not what i thought it was.)

2.13.12

abe lincoln's birthday is on sunday, feb 12th. on the 13th, i passed out a worksheet with a picture of him in the center of it...along with other info about his life. one of my students receives the paper, and yells out..."HEY!!! I KNOW THIS GUY...I SAW HIM AT THE WAX MUSEUM! HE WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO BEYONCE!" (yessss.)

2.14.12

valentines day. draw a picture of what love is.

i don't know why, i just love this picture!

2.17.12

"my sister can burp her ABCs!"

"wow, what a talent!"

(very seriously) "yes...she's very smart."

2.21.12 

after a long weekend, a little girl saunters over to my desk and exclaims...

"so i went to Chucky Cheese yesterday and saw chucky but he told me he needed to go take a nap because he was sick of all the kids."

(sheesh. chucky must've been having a bad day!)

free journal writing

i like hot pockets. (me too, richard...me too.)

2.24.12

we are doing a "world's finest chocolate" fundraiser where the kids sell candy bars for money. i asked the students to raise their hands and let me know who needed to go down to pick up their box of chocolate.

one little girl raises her hand and bursts out..

"I NEED TO GET MY BOX OF CHOCOLATE! MY MOM SAID WE ARE GOING TO SELL IT TO ALL THE FAT PEOPLE WE KNOW!!!!!!!" 

(i tried not to laugh out loud...but i couldn't keep it together.)

2.27.12

we read the story "the little engine that could" on this day, and as a follow up the kids had to draw a picture of the hardest thing they ever had to do, or something they had to try over and over until they succeeded. here are some of their pictures:

climb a tree

catch a butterfly

do the monkeybars

spy on ants

i was blown away by their 'answers'...i guess mainly because of their innocence. i mean, i wasn't expecting them to draw a picture of themselves writing a mortgage check, or buying a house, or getting a job...but do you remember the days when the hardest thing you ever tried to do was catch a goddamn butterfly or spy on ants!? i want to go back to those days...don't you?

"A day without laughter is a day wasted." -Charlie Chaplin

seventeen

forever seventeen

today would've been the 30th birthday of a dear friend of mine (and many) that died in a tragic hiking accident when i was in high school. he was seventeen.

this incident shaped my life in several different ways.  first off, i am still friends with many of the same people that i went to high school with that also went through this tragic ordeal. we all remain very close and although a lot of us don’t talk everyday (who has time for that?) , we all have a deep respect and love for each other that i know will never be broken.  secondly, i married his best friend.  yes, butch was his best friend and the three of us hung out a lot during our high school years. i’m not sure if jon would be pissed or happy about this…but i hope it would be the latter. thirdly, eleven years later on the exact day that he died…our daughter was born. (cue spooky music) although we will never know why this tragedy had to happen…i am convinced it did have to happen for some reason. i also know that my life would probably be much different today in a lot of ways, had it not occurred. it also taught me that ever important lesson of 'life is short' and to 'live everyday to the fullest'..that you almost have to learn when someone is ripped from your life too soon. 

prom 1999

one of the things i miss most about jon is his sense of humor. (the kid was funny as hell.) he was also was very sarcastic, had a roguish smile…and was my first love.  i know that jon meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people…and i also know that he is still thought about and missed by lots of different people. so on today, what would’ve been his 30^th birthday, i will be raising my glass (as you probably are, if you had the opportunity to know him) to a guy i once knew who will forever be seventeen, but will certainly never be forgotten...

swap

ella on the way to meet her pap:
she's pumped

i got back a few hours ago from driving to harrisburg to do "the swap" with ella. (no, we did not sell our child on the black market...) ella is going to spend 2 nights with my parents in PA, because our sitter is taking a little trip to jamaica. we had already planned on going to PA this weekend, so my parents offered to keep her so that i would only have to take off one day of work...not two. let me just say that this is the first. time. ever. we have done the swap. and this is the first. time. ever. she is staying with my parents without me being a stone's throw away. in 20 months, i can count on one hand (ok, maybe on 2 fingers) the times that i've spent away from her overnight. (i know, i have a problem.) anyway, i dropped her safely with my dad...and then proceeded to hop back in my car, crank the radio...and cry until i hit the maryland line. i don't mean the movie style tear down the cheek cry...i mean the 'my childhood dog just died' ugly cry. i partly blame the pregnancy hormones, because i am not much of a crier in the first place...but regardless, as my mascara was blurring my vision and i was swerving on I-83 i told myself i needed to to get a goddamn grip. 

i'm convinced that kids make you crazy. (absolutely crazy.) ella is by far the best thing that i have ever done (and i mean this whole heartedly, not riddled with my usual sarcasm)...however, she seriously has made me (and our life) bat shit crazy. she also has consumed almost all of our time for the last 20 months. the pregnancy and parenting books never tell you that part...they never tell you that your life and time will be completely and utterly consumed by your kid. it's all about them once they are born...and yes, as they get older, you do get bits and pieces of your time back...but it's never, ever the same. i remember arriving home from work at 4pm, changing into gym clothes and heading to the gym for an hour, coming home & drinking a few glasses of wine (or beer), making dinner (minus the toddler hanging off one of my limbs), eating with butch (without mickey mouse serenading us as background music), getting a hot bath, reading a book, and climbing into bed blissfully unaware that in about 2 years that lifestyle would be no more.

 

these days, i leave work, rush to the sitter to pick up ella by 3:30, hit the gas to head back home by 4 to let our dog out, i start making dinner around 5 (with a toddler fighting for my attention and hanging off of one or both of my legs), we eat around 5:30, butch takes ella up for a bath around 6 (while i clean up dinner), and i usually do laundry or some other chore around the house, after her bath i read some books and put her to bed at 7pm, and then i take a quick shower (bath? what's that?) by this time, i'm seriously exhausted and by 8pm, i'm literally ready to climb into bed. this being said...i do really love being a mother. however, people should warn you about this shit. it's just like the time i walked into ella's bedroom and found her nude in her crib. no one said to me "hey, your kid at some point will learn to take her own pjs off and you may find her naked in her bedroom." of course, after the fact...other people said "oh yeah! my kid did that all the time!" really? well a warning would've been nice. just like with having a baby...everyone says "ohhhhhhh it's sooooo wondderrrfulllll...." i was expecting rainbows and unicorns to shoot out of my ass after i had her. instead, the first couple weeks i felt like i had made a huge mistake and the joke was on me! (i'm sure other new mothers feel this way...i'm just the one saying it outloud.)

 

so anyway, we will spend the next 2 nights without a kid. under normal circumstances...we would go out and extremely shit canned just because we can. however, i am currently housing our second child so that is out of the question. we did just get back from happy hour at one of our favorite pre-ella establishments. i'm sure that we will do dinner and a movie tomorrow night and....some other 'stuff.' (butch (a devoted and loving father)  has referred to our daughter as a cock block on several occasions...how endearing...but i'm sure other dads feel the same way.) i will say that i've only been home about 2 hours and house seems very empty without our little lady running around. (the grass is always greener friends...believe me) if don't have kids, enjoy the time you have to yourself or with your mate. if you do have kids, take a minute to enjoy the craziness. and most importantly, if you have your first one on the way...just know that having a kid is one of the best things you will ever do...but a baby does not equal rainbows and unicorns coming out of your ass. also, you will most definitely end up bat shit crazy like the rest of us who have chosen to procreate. 

"raising kids is part joy, part guerrilla warfare" -ed asner

doughnuts

delicious doughnuts decorated by my students

today is fat tuesday. in the area where i grew up, we call it doughnut day or taking you back to my PA dutchified roots...fasnacht day. back in the day, the dutchy women such as my grandmother wanted to empty their pantry of fatty/carbohydrate filled ingredients (ie/ flour, lard, sugar & butter) and made fasnachts (fatty doughnuts) before lent. although i am not allowed to discuss anything religious in my classroom, i do talk about fasnacht day..minus the part about the lenten season. so basically, the kids think it's a day to feast on doughnuts. they love it.

 

fasnacht day also happened to fall during the week that we are learning about the letter Dd. i usually do a doughnut decorating activity for this letter, but was able to tie it into fasnacht day as well. (my ocd brain loves when everything comes together like that...) first thing in the morning, i told the kids  i was going to give them a word that they never heard before and they had to draw a picture to go with it. (kind of like balderdash for 5 year olds) the word? fasnacht.

after several giggles and many of them repeating the word over and over...they got busy on their drawings. here are a few of my favorites:

fasnacht: a boot

fasnacht: a bow for your hair     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fasnacht: a dreadlocked ninja

fasnacht: a vampire

after sharing our drawings, i told the kids that in the afternoon i was going to tell them what a fasnacht actually was and we were going to decorate some. (this really got their wheels turning...) so after recess, i explained to them that a fasnacht is a type of doughnut. (not a vampire, or a boot, or a dreadlocked ninja...but good guesses!) after they were done decorating their own fasnacht, i wanted them to draw a picture to take home about our doughnut day. i should've known right then and there that i was setting myself up. here is some of their artwork:

i could make my own mastercard commercial with this one:

 

doughnuts: $4.49 a dozen

icing: $1.50

sprinkles: $2.29

 

having your students draw an x-rated art gallery of fun bags to tell about their day...priceless

needless to say, i didn't send these masterpieces home with them. however, i did make a mental note for next year to just type a letter about our fun on doughnut day. (instead of having the children draw a picture about it.) clearly, the students were not the only ones who learned a lesson today. (fail!)

kielbasa

polish flag outside of our house

i love meat, especially the kind ground up and stuffed in a casing. my friend fen loves to make up holidays. welcome...polish day. turns out having a party around polish inspired food was a brilliant plan. last year, a small group of us got together and ate kielbasa, halushki, perogies, halupkies, and drank polish beer...alas, polish day was born. (and several arteries were blocked...) if you don't know what any of these foods are, i suggest you look them up and try them. pure deliciousness. this year, we decided to continue the tradition. (plus, it's the dead of dumb winter, so what else do people have to do?) today is the day of our blessed made up holiday.

i will say that this year it's gotten a bit out of hand. (and the guest list has definitely grown) on wednesday, i got a picture text from my friend who went up to the hometown farmers market (in PA) to buy the kielbasa. when i received the picture, excitement filled my bones when i realized this cased meat would soon be passing through my lips. (i'm not being dramatic, it's just that good.) this same friend showed up on friday night to our house with a full size polish flag that is now waving off of our front porch. i wonder how many of our neighbors googled to find out what kind of flag it actually was. (because surely the polish flag is not a common one waving in front of houses.)

straight from shenandoah, now once

some of my lady friends spent the better part of last night at fen's house rolling about 50 halupkis. (while the guys built a fire in my backyard and sent videos to us of them throwing gasoline on it?) the halushki, perogies, and polish meatballs will be prepared later this morning. lotsa food, lotsa beer...lotsa fun. over 25 people will be in attendance to devour these delacacies...and not one of them has an ounce of polish blood coursing through their veins. as they say in poland...Na Zdrowie! (Cheers!)

dentist

butch had a dentist appointment this afternoon to get a tooth pulled. about a week ago he cracked one of his molars into three pieces...eating ice cream. (yes, ice cream.) i asked him..well what kind of ice cream was it? (surely it had to be something with nuts.) nope! chocolate peanut butter cup. (fail.) so anyway, he spent most of his morning at home with ella prior to taking her to the sitter for the afternoon.

when i got home from work, there were a few things askew throughout the house:

#1 there was a tent set up in the middle of ella's bedroom. (i guess, for fun...)

#2 there was a polar bear head* 'displayed' in the guest room because "we are having guests this weekend" (his words) and by displayed i mean stacked in the corner of the room on a coffee table, ottoman, and rubbermaid container full of maternity clothes.

apparently when you are having out of town guests, nothing says "welcome to our home" like a fake polar bear head displayed in the guest room.

*a little background on the polar bear head...it was a gift from the best man in our wedding. (butch's college roomate) it is not a real polar bear head...it is a fake one. (not that that would make much of a difference) severely hungover the day after our wedding, he forced us to open it in his presence. it was wrapped in wedding bell paper in a huge box. he was staring at us as it was being unwrapped and was serious (deadly serious) about us truly liking it. (i had to kindly excuse myself to the restroom  to avoid a mimosa coming out of my nose, combined with urinating on myself in a fit of hysterics.)


#3 there was a brochure with an elderly woman on it entitled Understanding Dental Implants displayed on the kitchen counter for me to look at. he also informed me that should he decide to 'go that route' one tooth would cost $2400. (umm..yeah. i think you should go ahead and chew on the other side, pal.)

i can't even begin to think about what life would be like if butch were a stay at home dad. (this was ONE day...actually, a few hours.) he is currently hopped up on pain meds giving our daughter a bath. (no worries, although captain vicodin is sailing the ship...i'm close by.) i just heard what sounded like a mix between laughter and a wild bird call explode from the bathroom...i'm not sure whether it was him or her. i'm sitting here hoping that he decides he is well enough to go to work tomorrow. our house guests are arriving only an hour after i get home from work and who knows what menagerie of fun i will walk into if he decides to call in sick.

although i will say it is better than what i came home to last thursday evening...when our dog had somehow pulled an entire bag of granulated sugar off of the kitchen counter (spewing its contents throughout the downstairs.) she then proceeded to eat what was left in the bag after her jaunt around the house...as you can imagine, it made for a lovely evening of vacuuming and dog vomit. i'll take tents, dental implants, and polar bear heads over that any day of the week...

love

yes. i am one of those cynical people who dislikes valentine’s day. let's get this straight, i don't hate valentine's day...i just think it's kind of dumb. i am one of the individuals that says, “you don’t need a special day to tell someone you love them…you should be telling these people that you love them every day.” i am not single, i am not unloved...it’s just how i feel. also, a man should not have to buy a woman flowers, chocolate, or jewelry on a special day to get them in the sack. being nice to them on a daily basis, or making them laugh every once in a while should be enough to achieve that goal. (and if you are a woman that needs to buy a man things to get him in the sack...i'm pretty sure he may be batting for the other team.)

as silly as i think it is, some people are seriously obsessed with this hallmark holiday. if you are currently reading this wearing your red sweater, pink pants, and matching polka-dot heart socks...i apologize for coming down on your favorite day. all the above being said, don't misunderstand me...i do not think that love is stupid. i actually think it’s pretty awesome. i've been very lucky to have loved lots of people, and to have lots of people return the favor. my family, my friends, my husband, my pets, my child. (love, love, love, love, love.) i still think valentine’s day is dumb.

two of my students drew pictures of what they thought love looked like: one is drawn by a little girl, and one is drawn by a little boy. take from them what you will…but as my husband said when looking at the little boy’s drawing, “holy shit, is that a penis and a vagina!?” (i was thinking it looked like R2D2 and a chicken...but whatever) females and males have very different versions of what love is...even at 5 years old!

little girls version of love

little boys version of love

although i think valentine's day is a dumb holiday, i still celebrate it. i still bought butch a card (and accepted his gifts of a pot of tulips accompanied by a bottle of KY warming massage oil...that he got for free with a coupon), i still got ella a heart shaped donut from DD this morning, i still have the kids at school do fun activities during the day (and collect the multitude of candy, chocolates, cupcakes and cookies they bring me), and i still wish people that i care about a happy valentine's day. (maybe i'm not as cynical as i profess to be.) and for those of you who are diehard for the holiday, enjoy....but for the love of god, take off your polka dot heart socks, you're an adult.

"If you can make a woman laugh...you can make her do anything." -Marilyn Monroe

snowbeard

my husband believes that his facial hair has direct correlation to the weather outside. (no, this is not a joke.)  he thinks that the thicker that he grows his beard, the more snow we will have. i can’t make this stuff up. i woke up this morning and we have about 2 inches on the ground…he is peering out of the blinds, throws his hands up in the air and says, “snowbeard strikes again!” he has about 2 weeks of growth hanging off his mug. he knows i hate the facial hair and yesterday he ended up getting a hair cut (leaving the beard fully intact, of course). he came home and i said, “nice haircut”…he took one look at me and said, “are you being sarcastic?” i replied,“NO!” (yes.)

snowbeard 2011-2012

this is the third year in a row that mother nature has contended with the with the snowbeard. it also happens to be the third year in a row that i have been amused (and slightly annoyed) with the facial hair predictor. two years ago, when i was pregnant with ella, it looked like he had a small guinea pig hanging off of his face. sure enough, it was an epic winter of blizzards. (therefore perpetuating his faith in this belief.)

snowbeard of 2009-2010

last year, he grew it out around this time, and we got a snow and ice storm that closed school for almost a week. so although this winter has been a serious lack of snow disappointment, he continues to grow it out and this morning he woke up semi-victorious...because surely his beard has everything to do with the amount of snowfall outside and nothing to do with his idiosyncrasies that make him truly irresistible. (and this time, i am being very sarcastic...)

fears

my kid has some weird fears. she’s afraid of things that children normally aren’t afraid of. some kids are afraid of the dark (she loves it), dogs (loves them too), loud noises (the louder the better for her). yesterday i got a text from miss kelly. (ella’s babysitter…and i hate calling her that, because she does a lot more than sit on our baby) the text stated that ella was terrified of kelly’s daughter erika, who just got her wisdom teeth out and was wearing an ice pack on her face. here’s a visual:

funny? yes. scary? no.

usually Erika is a fan favorite with ella. she loves her. however, yesterday (wearing the ice pack getup) she scrambled to get away from her, screamed, and cried. she was genuinely afraid of this swollen faced teenager. wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. erika wasn’t trying to tease or torture ella, she was simply within her view…causing sheer panic.

the swollen faced teenager fear was the most recent, but this came long after the fear of the paper mache pig. yes. a paper. mache. pig. enter weird fear number two. a few months ago, when i went to pick ella up after work, kelly said, “so ella’s really afraid of this pig”….pointing to this:

whenever the pig was within her view, she would run away, cry, hide her eyes...wanting nothing to do with this horrifying hog. why the pig is scary to her is beyond me…but apparently this paper mache creature is enough to cause terror in the minds of little ones. let me rephrase that…enough to cause terror in the mind of my little one.

and lastly, weird fear number three comes in the form of...a hamster. the hamster lives in a cage in one of kelly’s daughters bedrooms. ella is terrified of this fluffy caged rodent. meanwhile, she desperately wants to be friends with their dog…who is basically quarantined from her because he is the direct offspring of cujo. i guess if my kid is going to be afraid of things, i'm glad it's not things she is going to come across in the real world. (i mean, when's the last time you saw a swollen faced teenager walking down the street with a hamster in one hand and a paper mache pig in another?) i do know it will forever boggle my mind why these things have haunted the dreams of my goofy girl…however, i must say i will enjoy reminding her of these “fears” when she is teenager. 

weenies

every friday we play 'build a man' with our vocabulary words from the week. for those of you that do not know...'build a man' is today's politically correct way to say 'hangman'. (i know, i think it's just as stupid as you..) so we were playing hangman and one of my students (who is not the brightest crayon in the box) got two of the words correct right off the bat. i looked at him and said, "wow, kenny! you must've eaten your wheaties for breakfast today!" apparently this not a familiar expression...because all of the kids started giggling. i said,"why is everyone laughing!?" a little girl raised her hand and i called on her...she could barely get it out between giggles...but said..."WHY would Kenny eat WEENIES for breakfast!! you shouldn't eat WEENIES ever, that's just gross!!" (oh, my dear child...let's talk in a few years..) good thing i had already finished my morning coffee, because that would've been spewed all over the chalk board. (it was giggles all around at this point...including me)

 

i explained that i didn't say "weenies" and that i said, "wheaties" and it is a type of cereal that is supposed to make you stronger...they all shook their heads like they understood, but i should've known from their skeptical stares that they didn't. anyway, we moved on. (or so i thought...) later in the day during playtime, one student finished a puzzle and i saw another student walk up to him and say, "boy! you must've eaten your weenies today!" a few minutes later, another kid built a block tower and a child walked by and said, "nice tower! did you have weenies for breakfast?!" you get the point. weenies were everywhere. i sincerely hope that one of my students does not go home tonight and upon his mother making a fabulous dinner exclaims.."good for you mom! you must've eaten your weenies today!" pretty sure i'd get a note about that one on monday...

superbowl

"last night i watched the greatest football movie ever...it was called the superbowl"...this was the beginning of our superbowl discussion on monday. i didn't plan on having a 'superbowl discussion' with my students, but on a monday i usually get an earful of what they did over the weekend. (so i wasn't surprised it was the topic of choice) another child piped in and said, "i don't know what the superbowl is...but i do know we went to a party and ate lots of food and all the adults were screaming at the TV." 

i've found that a child's spin on things that adults deem important is usually funny. also, the way kids interpret these rituals may be way different than we think they do. for instance, when i was a kid i knew if my dad said, "i'm going to watch the game (on tv)" (didn't matter what type of game...basketball, football, soccer) it really meant that in about a half an hour he'd be snoring on the couch and we better leave him the hell alone. also, if we dared to change the channel, he'd wake up annoyed from his deep slumber (somehow) and tell us to put the game back on immediately before he kicked our asses. 

after a few students shared about their superbowl sunday, i thought it would be fun to ask them some questions about the game. the first thing i asked was if they knew who played, "the Giants and the Pear Trees" was one answer. i added, why do you think they are called the Giants? one child said, "umm...because they are gigantic?" (logical, at least) another said, "because they like to shop at Giant supermarket?" (funny!) i also asked them how many points a team gets if they score a touchdown..."52!" was my favorite answer. since so many kids were so interested in this topic...as a follow up today, i had them draw picture about the superbowl.

Giants vs. Pear Trees

check out the guy in the picture who doesn't have the ball, is facing the wrong way, and is not even looking at the play...he's white. coincidence? i think not. maybe children are more observant than we give them credit for...eh?

"When in doubt, punt!" -John Heisman

gandhi

penelope and half of her loot from canine gandhi

so if you’ve read my blog before (see coupon), you know that my husband has a severe coupon addiction. coupons are butch’s crack. i think some of our friends think i’m exaggerating or overreacting when i freak out about the coupons. if you didn’t believe me before, you will after this story.

so sometime this week he went on a favorite couponing website, and found out that there was a “unadvertised sale” on dog food at target. (apparently, this is like the FBI covert operation of couponing) trial size bags of dog food were on sale from $6.99 to $3.00. (good deal right?) well..it gets better. he had  $3 off coupons filed in his binder. SIX $3 off coupons. therefore, making six bags of dog food free. he came home on friday after work like a proud peacock carrying his bags of dog food under his arms…acting like he brought home bags of money for us to roll around in. moreover, he told me the whole story about the Iams dog food, except the whole time…he pronounced it “I. AMs.” I ams dog food. I didn’t have the energy to tell him it was pronounced “Iiiiuuummmss” (plus, i thought it was funny). so i just nodded my head and laughed on the inside.

oh, but there's more…in each bag of dog food there was another $3 off coupon. therefore, it started the sick cycle all over again. needless to say, he went back to target on saturday and ‘bought’ (ie/pretty much stole) 6 more bags for free. and here’s where the best part comes in (that i didn’t find out until much later in the day)…he had taken his ‘special scissors’ with him in the car so that he could cut open those 6 bags and head back in to get 6 more bags for free. (are you following? he sat in the parking garage, cut open free dog food bags, got out the coupons, and went back in for more free bags) he did this not once, but twice…therefore, he came home with EIGHTEEN bags of I. AMs. dog food. eighteen bags. our dog was beside herself when he walked in the door....he was like the goddamn canine gandhi.

he turned to me while feverishly dumping the bags into the rubbermaid container where we keep the dog food and said, “gees, i hope she likes it (shaking his head)” (yes, butch, the dog eats her own shit…i’m pretty sure she’ll like it.) he is headed back to target today to use the six $3 off coupons he didn’t use yesterday….this time, he is looking for some free I. ams. cat food. today it's feline gandhi to the rescue...however, i'm pretty sure our cat will be too busy hissing at someone or licking her own ass to notice.

groundhog

a groundhog and his....hole

have you ever seen the shitshow that goes on in punxatawny, pa on this day? a close friend of mine who has been there describes it as this..."they close the school for the day and everybody wagons on up to the Nob at like midnight, gets shwasty until the first crack of light, then they poke this damn diabetic squirrel out of a cage for 16 seconds, read some BS mumbo jumbo, and everybody heads home....it was the biggest let down and it was 3 degrees out. it's like a regular friday night in the skook with a caged animal. then again...would you expect anything less of a PA holiday based around a groundhog?" (i laughed when i read this email from him.. thought you would, too)

who's brianiac idea was this to leave this very important "prediction" up to a groundhog? a chubby squirrel?! i mean, he probably does a better job than most weathermen, but still. anyway, the rodent bastard saw his shadow, so that means 6 more weeks of winter. joy.

not a big fan of winter. never have been, never will be. the weird thing is, i love the snow…but if we are going to have a winter without snow, then count me out. a winter without snow is like a baseball game without hotdogs and beer…kinda boring. when people say, “i like winter”…i want to slap them in the teeth. what is there to like about it? it’s cold, dark, and dreary. (no thanks.) in fact, i’d take any of the other seasons over winter. summer is my favorite though…for lotsa reasons:

#1. no work (oh stop moaning…you coulda been a teacher, too) 

#2. dock bars, cold beer, and good music (self explanitory)

#3. flip flops (or bare feet)

#4. denim and/or sweat skirts (that’s for you, sam)

#5.  the beach (don’t even get me started on that place…i’ll live there some day)

#6. water. period. (pools, oceans, lakes, bays, hose water...d. all of the above)

#7. daylight, and lots of it (who likes when it's dark at 4pm?)

#8.  warm nights (and being able to be outside, whenever you want to be)

#9. fireflies & fishing (not together, but you get it)

#10. grilled food (meat, vegetables, fruit...it's all better grilled)

don’t you feel better after just reading that list? i sure do.  so anyway, that groundhog better go back in his hole and find whatever it is he’s looking for and then come back out.  spring (and then summer) is just around the corner, friends. and if any one of you write to tell me how much you like winter, i will delete you immediately...or find you and slap you in the teeth.

ella and I at Pussers before winter exposed its
ugly face

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

~Albert Camus

nudity

every morning is pretty much the same at my house. the alarm goes off at 5:30am (butch hops out of the bed like a leprechaun on crack and is in the shower before i even scratch my ass). i lay there contemplating quitting my job right up until i roll out of bed at about 5:45am. i am dressed by 6am (no joke..i'm quick) and i step over the threshold of my bedroom door as ella babbles something loudly from her room to get my attention around 6:01am. each morning, i try to be as quiet as i can, hoping i can get her to sleep an extra 15 minutes so that i can make my breakfast in peace...but every morning, it's the same. this morning was no different...except it was. 

when i opened her bedroom door...i saw this:

now i knew damn well i put her to bed dressed in pajamas. she has never done this before, nor did i think she had the fine motor skills to pull off a stunt such as this. i gasped as she gave me a devilish grin...seeming to say, "good morning, mother..get used to putting my pjs on twice from now on...once at night, and once in the morning." she was pointing at her zip up pink footie pajamas on the floor acting like she had no idea how they were removed from her body and thrown out of the crib. (i also need to mention that she had dropped a deuce in her diaper...so one can only assume that she was just trying to get comfortable to do so?)

after changing her diaper, and dressing her in her pajamas (for the second time)...i went downstairs. as i was making breakfast, butch thought it would be a great time of day to discuss the presidential election. he began by asking me (as i was scrambling eggs) if i thought obama was going to win the race this year. he also rambled about how santorum is going to raise gas taxes and how he thinks newt gingrich is a jerk... i stopped him and as diplomatically as i could told him to check back with me after work to get my take on politics...it was 6:09am and i already had been startled by our daughter's nudity and changed a shitty diaper.

just another morning at our house...however, i will say it's better than yesterday morning, when butch almost went skipping out the door with a plastic grocery bag full of cat shit for his lunch. he had mistaken his usual plastic grocery bag (filled with lunch), for the plastic grocery bag (filled with cat shit) that was sitting by the door to go out to the trash.  just a steady diet of cat feces and naked babies ...par for the course around here, folks.