swap

ella on the way to meet her pap:
she's pumped

i got back a few hours ago from driving to harrisburg to do "the swap" with ella. (no, we did not sell our child on the black market...) ella is going to spend 2 nights with my parents in PA, because our sitter is taking a little trip to jamaica. we had already planned on going to PA this weekend, so my parents offered to keep her so that i would only have to take off one day of work...not two. let me just say that this is the first. time. ever. we have done the swap. and this is the first. time. ever. she is staying with my parents without me being a stone's throw away. in 20 months, i can count on one hand (ok, maybe on 2 fingers) the times that i've spent away from her overnight. (i know, i have a problem.) anyway, i dropped her safely with my dad...and then proceeded to hop back in my car, crank the radio...and cry until i hit the maryland line. i don't mean the movie style tear down the cheek cry...i mean the 'my childhood dog just died' ugly cry. i partly blame the pregnancy hormones, because i am not much of a crier in the first place...but regardless, as my mascara was blurring my vision and i was swerving on I-83 i told myself i needed to to get a goddamn grip. 

i'm convinced that kids make you crazy. (absolutely crazy.) ella is by far the best thing that i have ever done (and i mean this whole heartedly, not riddled with my usual sarcasm)...however, she seriously has made me (and our life) bat shit crazy. she also has consumed almost all of our time for the last 20 months. the pregnancy and parenting books never tell you that part...they never tell you that your life and time will be completely and utterly consumed by your kid. it's all about them once they are born...and yes, as they get older, you do get bits and pieces of your time back...but it's never, ever the same. i remember arriving home from work at 4pm, changing into gym clothes and heading to the gym for an hour, coming home & drinking a few glasses of wine (or beer), making dinner (minus the toddler hanging off one of my limbs), eating with butch (without mickey mouse serenading us as background music), getting a hot bath, reading a book, and climbing into bed blissfully unaware that in about 2 years that lifestyle would be no more.

 

these days, i leave work, rush to the sitter to pick up ella by 3:30, hit the gas to head back home by 4 to let our dog out, i start making dinner around 5 (with a toddler fighting for my attention and hanging off of one or both of my legs), we eat around 5:30, butch takes ella up for a bath around 6 (while i clean up dinner), and i usually do laundry or some other chore around the house, after her bath i read some books and put her to bed at 7pm, and then i take a quick shower (bath? what's that?) by this time, i'm seriously exhausted and by 8pm, i'm literally ready to climb into bed. this being said...i do really love being a mother. however, people should warn you about this shit. it's just like the time i walked into ella's bedroom and found her nude in her crib. no one said to me "hey, your kid at some point will learn to take her own pjs off and you may find her naked in her bedroom." of course, after the fact...other people said "oh yeah! my kid did that all the time!" really? well a warning would've been nice. just like with having a baby...everyone says "ohhhhhhh it's sooooo wondderrrfulllll...." i was expecting rainbows and unicorns to shoot out of my ass after i had her. instead, the first couple weeks i felt like i had made a huge mistake and the joke was on me! (i'm sure other new mothers feel this way...i'm just the one saying it outloud.)

 

so anyway, we will spend the next 2 nights without a kid. under normal circumstances...we would go out and extremely shit canned just because we can. however, i am currently housing our second child so that is out of the question. we did just get back from happy hour at one of our favorite pre-ella establishments. i'm sure that we will do dinner and a movie tomorrow night and....some other 'stuff.' (butch (a devoted and loving father)  has referred to our daughter as a cock block on several occasions...how endearing...but i'm sure other dads feel the same way.) i will say that i've only been home about 2 hours and house seems very empty without our little lady running around. (the grass is always greener friends...believe me) if don't have kids, enjoy the time you have to yourself or with your mate. if you do have kids, take a minute to enjoy the craziness. and most importantly, if you have your first one on the way...just know that having a kid is one of the best things you will ever do...but a baby does not equal rainbows and unicorns coming out of your ass. also, you will most definitely end up bat shit crazy like the rest of us who have chosen to procreate. 

"raising kids is part joy, part guerrilla warfare" -ed asner