we had grand plans of heading up north visit my sister in law, cause she was flying in with her new baby and our nephew for a visit from colorado. our own kids were counting down the days they would get to play with their cousins. we were also very excited to see them...however, the part we are never excited for is the traveling part. the packing, the driving, the sheer amount of time it takes to get a family of four and a dog out the door is a little ridiculous. actually, it's borderline insane. i will say that it is one billion (give or take) times easier than when they were babies, but it's still equal to a brain hemorrhage on a hot day (it blows). so we spent friday night packing up everything that we needed for our two day voyage, including the kitchen sink...everything except for the puke bags.
the first leg of the trip started off stellar...we set sail from maryland with not a care in the world and zero traffic to deal with. we left early due to impending snow, and made it to my parents house for a quick visit in record time. i felt like fist pounding my husband when we made it there so quickly and without incident (i should've known my elation would be short lived). then, he and i gallivanted around our hometown sans children, christmas shopping and such, while my parents hung out with the kids. my mom proceeded to fill their bellies with food and apple juice galore so they wouldn't be hungry for the second part of the trip to the poconos (the plan backfired, nanny). we made them go to the bathroom no less then 12 times before they left and we went on our way.
it was snowing pretty steadily at this point and the roads were a bit slick. both kids were wearing sweaters and boots and tightly strapped in the backseat with the dog between them. about 20 minutes into the 90 minute trip i decided to call fen and see what type of glorious things she was getting into on that fine saturday afternoon. turns out she was sipping wine and writing christmas cards...and i secretly cursed her from afar. suddenly i heard what seemed like a whine slash scream from the backseat and i yelled, 'i gotta go!' and hung up on fen. i turned around to see my second born looking rather green and asking me for some water. i got her a water bottle then frantically turned to look for something for her to vomit in. mother intuition told me something was coming and this something wasn't going to be good.
as i scoured the car, i turned to see projectile puke containing peanut butter and jelly sandwich exploding from my child's face. it hit the back passenger seat, went down into the pocket, and also all over her lap (holy hell!). i grabbed for starbucks napkins from the glove box to clean up the mess as she was crying and complaining that a whole piece of crust came out of her nose (it did. i saw it with my own eyeballs.) in that moment i turned to look at my husband who was driving. the color had gone from his face and i could tell that he was questioning every life decision he had made to this point in regard to children. he said, "how bad is it?" i said, "it's pretty bad. it's everywhere." he hates when his car is messy on a normal day, but throw in some peanut butter regurgitation all over his leather seats (and down in the pocket) and we are now talking about veering off the road into a nearby lake.
i stifled my laughter about his reaction....and then heard my first born gagging and screaming. i slowly turned around to see the dog happily eating the vomit off of my child and the leather seat (it was, in fact, disgusting). the thrower of the puke was in some weird place of her own just staring at me and wondering what i was going to do next. i found a random towel, covered the puke, and gave her some water. we cracked the window and hoped for the best, as we still had 25 minutes to go and it was snowing heavily so we didn't want to stop. my husband didn't talk the rest of the trip. however, there wasn't much to say at this point other than, "did that really just happen?" she's never been carsick before, so this little trick was just there lying in wait for our fun little holiday jaunt. the most wonderful time of the year? i beg to differ. if you are a parent and have experienced consolation prizes such as these, i'm currently preaching to the choir. if you aren't and plan on being one...better stock up on puke bags, cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
