blessed

so yesterday i walked upstairs and i heard one child crying on the toilet due to constipation, saw the other child hiding in the bedroom pooping her own pants...and they were talking to coach each other through it by yelling through the hallway. as i stood there for a minute, i thought...is this really happening? i mean, both kids are taking a crap and having a conversation about it? (this is my life.) in the meantime, my husband and youngest brother were running around the house trying to get things prepared for a spartan race. oh yes, you heard that right...warren signed up and successfully completed a spartan race. you know how they have those couch to 5k programs? well he went from lazy boy to obstacle course in 6 months flat. i will say that the new and improved model of my husband is much more happy. he helps out around the house and spends less time scratching his nuts on the couch. he definitely spends more time now working out than laying around balls akimbo in the living room. exercise motivates you to be more motivated in other aspects of your life...and he is a prime example. i mean, i really had no choice ever to be motivated because my kids needed my constant attention. (since their birth.) however, now that he's all hands on deck, it's much more pleasant around the house. i don't feel like i want to swan dive off the bay bridge because of all my responsibilities and he doesn't feel like a tubba goo laying on the lazy boy. (it's a win-win.)

i have come to the point in the summer where i am ready to go back to work. (you heard that right.) i have said many times that i was never cut out to be a stay at home mom and when summertime forces me to do just that, i go a little crackers. i know, i know...i'm hashtag blessed to be able to spend more time with my kiddos, and i'm not negating that. i would willingly lay on the tracks for either one of them, but having them inserted in my anal cavity 24 hours a day is not my cup of tea. i hit a breaking point sometime last week when i heard "mommy" for the 3,384th time. i yelled, "CALL ME SOMETHING ELSSSSSE! ANYTHING!" ella has since started calling me "mama"...which has a better ring to it if you ask me. i am almost tempted to have them call me, like, madonna or betty sue or something. butch said, "why is ella calling you mama?" i shrugged my shoulders, but know my outburst had something to do with it. carrie still yells mommmEEEEE and enunciates the "E" for good measure. (she's awesome like that.) that night, i finally sat down on the couch at 7:42pm and heard my husband get out of the downstairs shower. (he was afraid to tell me he forgot a towel.) so instead of asking, fearing i may lose my last shit on him, he covered his balls with his dirty boxers and ran wet through the living room and up the stairs. (making eye contact with no one.) i looked at the kids, who were eyes wide, like what the hell just happened?!...and i could not stop laughing. for the record, i would've gotten him a towel, but what ended up happening was much more funny.

so i have one more week of being a professional snack maker (seriously, my kids eat snacks ALL DAMN DAY!), one week of beach vacation...and then i'm back to work. how the hell does the summer always go so fast? anyways, i'll have to jog my brain on how to do normal things like commute to work...and wear shoes. my husband will get one extra week at home solo with our little chickadees, so that could get a little dicey. if my patience level is at about a 7, he's at about a 2 most of the time with them. maybe he'll hit the point when he's heard "daddy" too many times and ask them to call him something else. i hope they choose something cooler like mick jagger or big papa. incidents like the conversation piece between constipation and crapping their pants i'm sure will continue to happen between sisters. it's things like this that make me question my sanity sometimes. (coaching each other through a crap?!) speaking of conversations about the commode, carrie has successfully started potty training! (well, the pee yes...the poop not yet.) therefore, the tour de shitter has now gone double time, as we visit every bathroom of every establishment we go to. today we went to tj maxx, so add that to the list of toilets i've seen in the greater annapolis area. i'm thinking about creating an app where parents can check in to the bathrooms and rate them. (good idea?) so onto another summer week of swimming, snack making, and hammock swinging. no worries, as stated before, i know that i am hashtag blessed...but it still doesn't mean i want to lose my shit every once in a while. betty sue...over and out.