advice

so today i spent a small fortune on ella's school supplies...so much so that i had to head to the bank right after to apply for a second mortgage. (not really, but close.) all jokes aside, know that no matter what you spend on your kid's school supplies, your kid's teacher probably spends quadruple that out of her own pocket every school year. now that i have a kid that is going to kindergarten in a few weeks, i feel like i can really tell you some things that your kid's teacher (kindergarten or otherwise) really wants you to know...my tale of expensive school supplies leads me right to number 1.

1. don't skimp on school supplies. if your kid's list says get a 24 count box of crayola crayons, don't improvise and get a 64 pack of rose arts. if you think you are doing your kid a favor by buying them 40 more crayons than they need, you aren't. the quantity goes up, the quality goes down. while your kid is becoming frustrated by the lackluster color and broken wax in his hand, his buddy next to him is drawing creamy dreamlike pictures with his crayolas. same goes for scissors. if the list says get "fiskars" brand, don't go off the beaten path and buy, like, "whiskers." (they don't work) we have done extensive research on this subject in the form of observation. just buy what the list says and if you can't afford it, be honest and let your kid's teacher know...she'll probably foot the bill or find a way to help you out. trust me on this one. sidebar: also get everything on the list so that your kid's teacher doesn't have to harass you later on. it's annoying for both of us.

2. make your kid carry their own stuff. the first day, your kid is going to have bags of supplies (see above) and you may have to help them out (that's okay). however, on any other day if you are toting your kids book bag or lunchbox for them (no matter how young), you are doing them a disservice. we are trying to create independent, capable kids that can function in society. if they can't even carry their own back pack, what are we telling them? (to be lazy?) if it's too heavy for them, then you put too much crap in there that they don't need. plus, you look really silly with that frozen themed satchel slung over your shoulder. your kid can handle carrying their own crap. furthermore, why wouldn't you want them to? it's less work for you! hand them their book bag and lunch box, explain to them it's their responsibility to carry them and send them on their merry way. wave to elsa and anna as they sachet down the hall.

3. label everything. remember how i just stated that it's their responsibility to carry their own stuff? welp, it's also their responsibility to not lose their own stuff. now being that some of these kiddos haven't had to be responsible for many things in their young lives...they are bound to lose stuff. (it's gonna happen.) you may think that young susie would never misplace her beloved new sweater that was bought only for school, but she will. if you write her name on the label, you have a good chance of getting it back. if you don't, it goes to the lost and found. the lost and found in my school is like a black abyss of doom. actually, when i show parents the sheer magnitude of what is the school lost and found, they usually stand there, mouths agape. if half of these parents would label their kids stuff, this tragic phenomenon wouldn't happen. oh, and initials don't work either. (do you know how many J. W.'s there are in a school? a lot.) just do it. it takes a second and a sharpie, and you won't want to ring your kids neck when they lose their new jacket for the fourth time that school year. whip out your permanent marker and go wild.

4. don't linger in the classroom. especially on the first day, your kid's teacher is trying to get acclimated and get to know your little buttercup, without you. no matter what the grade, when you linger in the classroom, it's a distraction to the teacher and to your kid. if you want to visit any other day, go for it! i welcome parents anytime in my classroom. however, that being said, it is always nice to have a heads up. imagine if i just waltzed in your office unannounced, just to say hello and stood there while you did your job. it could be mighty awkward and a distraction (imagine what that's like to a room full of kids!) we want you to be a part of your child's learning, but it's just common courtesy. plus, if you tell us in advance, we may give you fun stuff to do like rip pages out of a book or work with a group of students! (wahoo!) trust that the teacher knows what they are doing (most do) and trust that your kid is going to be okay (most will be just fine!). the ones that cry the first day (typically in kindergarten) are usually singing and smiling by day 2 (or minute 2.) i promise.

5. whatever you do, don't refer to your child as a genius. naming your child as a "genius," or "above average," or "brilliant" to his/her teacher makes you sound...kinda like a fool. whether your child really is a young bill shakespeare or not, we will figure it out quite quickly. also, i have found in my experience that children love to make a liar out of you. the minute after you tell me how bright your kid is and walk out of the room, they are the first one doing arm-pit farts or picking their nose. another thing to not say along these lines is that you "hope your child isn't bored" at school. children very rarely get bored in same way adults do. they find the fun and wonder in everything. therefore, if you think your young al einstein is going to be twiddling his thumbs in class, you are wrong. (he'll be alright.) plus, i know it doesn't sound like it, but saying your "child might get bored" is a direct insult to his teacher. we strive to keep kids motivated and engaged most of time they are with us. by pulling the boredom card you are being offensive whether you want to be or not.

these are my top five for now, but i'll probably have more to add to the list as the swimming supplies are put away at the stores and the back to school stuff makes its debut. let me just say that i cannot believe i am starting my 10th year of teaching and my first born is starting her first day of kindergarten in a few weeks. i suppose the shock of expensive school supplies is just the beginning of seeing the flip side of things in regard to teaching. i look forward to what this year is going to bring for my brilliant child. i can't wait to saunter down the hall with her frozen knapsack adorning my back and then linger in the classroom on the first day. her brand new lunchbox will inevitably be lost and unfound, because i forgot to put her name on it. however, i'm sure she will have a great time in the classroom coloring with her rose arts and cutting with her whisker scissors. just kidding, that was all sarcasm. however, i surely hope i don't turn out to be a hypocrite and end up following my own advice this year. (probably not...but it's worth a shot.) i will say, though, that i already have my sharpie locked and loaded. look out.