fifteen

first of all, it's been fifteen years since we've graduated high school!? FIFTEEN YEARS!? back in the good old milennium year, i remember thinking about what my reunions would be like ten, fifteen, twenty years and beyond. i guess i never imagined that they would a. come so fast and b. i would be where i am today. at the 10 year reunion i tucked my dress into my underwear upon leaving the restroom and almost made it to the dance floor before someone told me. (classy, i know.) think about who you were when you graduated high school, what you thought your life would look like, what you wanted to "be" when you grew up. maybe you already knew those answers when you put on that cap and gown. (me? i wasn't so sure.) personally, although parts of high school were a smashing good time...it also kinda sucked. that period where we are trying to figure out ourselves and make sense of the world is difficult, and when you are trying to do that with a bunch of people that are going through the same thing...it's hard. putting a large group of hormonal teenagers with many different personalities together in one building and expecting a favorable outcome is like poking a bee hive and not expecting any bees to fly out. i can't image the impact that social media has played in the lives of now high schoolers. truth be told, i'm kinda glad we had landline phones, handwritten notes, and that things like ICQ were just emerging from the explosion of technology we have today.

however, i've been thinking recently a lot about the fact that social media has allowed me to keep in touch with former classmates and see where they are and what they are doing now. although i was not "friends" per se with these people in high school, i always wonder what everyone is up to. i love, LOVE people's stories (no matter who you are) and so social media has opened that book (so to speak). i share your joys (and sometimes your pain) and with a life that is literally super short...why not? when i tell new people how close i am to some of my classmates from high school, they kind of stare at me blankly like that's not even possible. however, i feel the loss of a fellow classmate in our junior year solidified those bonds. when jon died, his mom said something to me that stuck with me always. she said, "he will forever be seventeen. he won't graduate, he won't have a family, he won't grow old. he will always be seventeen in our hearts and minds. in some ways it's a gift, and in some ways it's a curse." therefore, as we flashforward more than 15 years, i still think about the man he would be today and who his friends would be. i wonder if he would've gone to college, gotten married, or had a family. i wonder if he would be a single bachelor and loving every minute of it. we don't know, nor will we ever know. (forever seventeen.)

i guess my point of this post is this. jon's death in high school shattered everything that i thought i knew in my safe little world. up until that point, i had lost no one that i truly remembered or knew personally. it changed the way i lived and changed the way felt about, well, everything. in college, i went through a particularly low point and much of it stemmed from never really dealing with grief and loss a few years before. as i overcame that, i realized what a gift it is to simply be alive. to laugh with the people we love. to meet new people and also enjoy the company of old friends. to simply...live. when people say, "life is short"...they aren't lying. the past fifteen years flew by faster than i could have even imagined. if you would've told me my senior year that i would be living and teaching in maryland, married to butchie (that was his high school nickname for those of you that don't know), and have two children i would have told you you were a liar...as i slugged back some lager from a can that i stole from my dad's stash. furthermore, many of our classmates have lost parents far too soon and i sympathize with them whole-heartedly. each day we have on this earth is a true gift, and if we don't give it our all...we are doing an injustice to not only ourselves, but to everybody.

on the eve of our fifteenth year class reunion, i want you to think about the relationships we had as teenagers and think about how far we've come since then. i want you to think about your story and what you've written for yourself over the years. quite honestly, whether you are married or divorced, single or spoken for, kidless or choc fulla offspring, employed or jobless...i really don't give a rats ass. all i know is fifteen years ago we survived 4 of the most awkward and trying times in our teenage lives and made it out on the other side. whoever those kids were back in high school and the relationships we shared (no matter how superficial)...they mattered. whether we were friends or not really doesn't matter either. what matters now is the way we treat each other, now that we all know better. we are all here to tell our stories and share in awkward conversation. (i live for awkward conversation.) if you are on the fence about showing up to the reunion, just come. hell, i didn't pay twenty bucks to hang out with fen and warren. (seriously.) may we raise our glasses to the teenagers we were and the adults (using that loosely) that we've become...also sharing in the memory of a classmate who won't be attending, but will most definitely be there in spirit. also, if i accidentally tuck my dress into my under garments, please kindly let me know before i hit the dance floor. let's party.