unicorn

i thought newborns like carrie were mythical creatures...like unicorns, or sasquatch. the kid is just. so. good. she eats every 2-3 hours, sleeps a lot, and is pleasant when she is awake. my most favorite thing about her is that she only wakes up once or twice in the middle of the night to eat and then goes back to sleep. when i went to her first doctor appointment i actually asked the doctor if there was something wrong with her. "what do you mean?" said the doctor. "well, my first daughter was an absolute nightmare as a newborn...so much so that i try to block that part of my life out of my memory." she laughed. "well, all babies are different...and yes, i'm sure carrie is fine." (thanks, doc.) she is the definition of an easy baby...and before you start judging me and give me the "good for you, pal!" (dripping with sarasm), read below.

now that we have carrie to compare to ella, it seems as though ella was possessed (by something) in her early months. the kid cried all the time, was never satisfied with feedings, never slept...and i'm not exaggerating. we were afraid to go anywhere or do anything because we didn't know if sybil was going to lose her mind and cause a scene. sleep at nighttime was nonexistent. i felt like i was going to snap and lose my mind at any moment due to lack of sleep. when people would say, "just sleep when the baby sleeps" i would reply, "that would be fabulous, if she ever slept more than 20 minutes at a time." even their cries are completely different. carrie sounds like a goat or a sheep when she cries. ella's cry was much more demanding (and nothing like livestock), more like "one of you mother f'ers better pick me up, feed me, or look at me or shit's going to get crazy." (sounded just like that.) i just thought that's how it was supposed to be. it was not fun. i also think that i was a bit postpartum with ella...i definitely took a brief ride on the crazy train after she was born, but didn't realize it until i started feeling normal again. maybe some of you had babies like carrie, or babies like ella...but either way, you don't love one any less than the other, it just means one was more of a pain in the ass than the other. (and i'm sure they will take turns being a pain in my ass for the rest of my life...just part of parenthood.)

breastfeeding is also totally different than the first time. apparently, ella was part barracuda. (yes, the fish with teeth) what a painful endeavor that was. (that only lasted 4 weeks) this time, it's easy breezy and i've had no issues. (however, you will not see me on Time magazine when carrie is 5 and has a full set of teeth, bragging about how great it is...) yesterday we were sitting on the couch and butch said, "you know what i like most about breastfeeding?" (i had no idea where he was going with this..i thought his answers could've included, "i don't have to feed her, she is getting vital nutrients, no bottles...??") nope. "IT'S FREE!" (i should've guessed) "it's totally free...and we don't even need coupons to get the free milk." (dear lord) he went on, "you have liquid gold coming right out of your chest...maybe we could just sell some of it...." i put my hand up. alright, i've heard enough coupon man. he stopped talking. moreover, we have also started what i call the 'summer spats'. basically, it's caused by wayyyy too much time together during the summer months. i think when you spend all day, everyday, with your spouse...you want to kill them. (or maybe that's just me) don't get me wrong, we do have fun together..and stuff, but summertime allows us to have all day, everyday time...and yikes, that's not good for anyone involved. one of us better get a hobby...or it's going to be an awfully long summer.

as for my body...breastfeeding makes you feel sort of like a farm animal, but other than that i feel pretty good. although i won't be sporting a bikini anytime soon, stuff is starting to go back in the right places. i still look like jenna jameson in the chest area, but not so much a homeless person anymore. i'm chomping at the bit to start running again, but don't want to push it. i guess i need to start by just walking and work myself up to it...i hope one of my double D's doesn't wack me in the eyeball when i do start galloping around again, that would not be fun. i know our poor dog penelope has been patiently (ok, not patiently..she's been bat shit crazy wound up) waiting the last 9 months for me to get back in gear. we were doing 4-5 miles a day just before i got knocked up, and then she was attacked by 3 pitbulls who hopped their fence (in the early months of my pregnancy)...so we just stopped. (i'll be running with pepper spray attached to my shorts.) so for now, i'm enjoying my time hanging out with ella and unicorn baby, enjoying a cold beer when the clock hits 5pm and this summer weather...and also actively trying to stop my husband from selling my breast milk on the black market. fun times.