anyway, we started walking. at this point, walking was a chore. hell, anything was a chore...even sitting. (even breathing!) i felt terrible. butch and i were trying to make conversation (i need to also mention that he was wearing my (pink) purse over his shoulder..because i didn't have anywhere to leave it.) so there i am, big as a house dressed in a ridiculous outfit, and there he is gayer than a 2 dollar bill adorned with my purse...and we are doing laps. everytime we passed the nurses station, i felt like flipping one of them off. i gave them icy hot glares instead. (i'm pretty sure they are used to it.) so an hour passed, i go to get checked...still fort knox. they tell me to go home. you can imagine how i felt at this point. (enter pistol and gun show in the maternity ward in my head...i felt like calling ahead to c-span and letting them know in advance that i'd be back soon, and a real shit show as going to start.) anyway, we reluctantly went home. i climbed into bed and that's when the real fun began. i started having body racking contractions. what do they feel like, you ask? it's kind of like a combination of you are going to die and you are going to shit your pants at the same time. after about an hour of this, we go back to the hospital. i was moo'ing and moaning the whole way...and butch was chalk white. i think there were expletives flying out of my mouth and threats to punch him in the penis. i don't quite remember all of it, and it's probably better that way.
when i arrived back at the hospital, i couldn't walk. so, movie style, he (the sperm donor no longer recognized as my husband) gets a wheelchair and wheels me in. as we passed the nurses station one nurse (that i'm pretty sure i glared at several times) exclaimed very loudly, "they'rrrrreeee baaaaaaackkkk!" (very funny lady, screw you.) another nurse checked me and hallelujah! i'm dialated...and half way to having a baby. (holy shit.) this was about 11pm. at this point, all i could think about was getting an epidural. (ie/numbed from the waist down) i do not have ANY idea how women endure labor without drugs...and although i'm not usually one to judge, if someone tells me that they have done labor "naturally" i seriously think they are absolutely bat shit f'ing crazy. the way i see it...you are going to walk out of there with a baby, regardless if you have the drugs or not. i'm not going to roll out of there rocky style with a medal around my neck and arms over my head if i don't get an epidural. no shame in my game. give. me. the. drugs. now. so i had to wait maybe another 40 minutes until the medicine man came in and injected me. that is the point that i thought i saw jesus. (holy pain.) from the time i had the epidural to the time i had a baby in my arms was 1 hour. i pushed three times and there she was. i was never so happy to see someone in my life. having a baby truly is a miracle...words cannot describe what it feels like to see that little face for the first time. it's epic.
so here we are three days later. my milk came in today. therefore, at three days postpartum...i look like a cross between a homeless person and a porn star. however, i do feel so much better than i did after having ella. after i had her, i seriously felt like an axe murder. i don't know if it was the transition of going from zero babies to one baby...but rainbows and unicorns it was not. this time, i guess we kinda knew what we were getting ourselves into, so it was just figuring how this newborn was going to fit into the picture. i'm happy to say she fits just fine. plus, i don't know if second children are just easier or if you aren't as anal, or maybe you just don't give a shit (as much)...probably all of the above. we are both more relaxed, which i think makes the whole experience more relaxed. praise jesus.
my mom has also been here since i had our second bundle of joy. adding her into the mix is such a help, and a bit of comedy relief. we often say that my mother sees the world with rose colored glasses...and it's true. (her and my husband are a lot alike in that way.) last night we decided to rent an on demand movie and butch lost his shit on her because "he's not spending $4.99 on a movie that he can get for .99 cents at redbox..GODDAMNIT!" then, my mom wanted him to run in the minimart where he was going to get the movie for a bag of popcorn (that was also .99 cents). he said, "i was JUST at the dollar store today, deb! just there! this is poor planning...we could've had THREE bags for the price of ONE!" this is a real argument in my house at 9pm last night. when he got back at with his .99 cent movie and .99 cent bag of popcorn he was fit to be tied. (apparently 2 dollars is two dollars too much) he came in the door and asked my mom if she wanted to go out back and burn $20 bills in the chimena for fun. (she was trying not to laugh...but couldn't help it.) i just was sitting back and enjoying the show.
today is also ella's second birthday. i cannot believe she is two already. she is adjusting well to having a new baby on the scene. (thank god.) time is flying and i really wish it would slow the hell down. kids really are the best...even though they can make you see jesus and turn you into a homeless looking porn star in 3 days flat. thanks again for all the well wishes. i believe the fun has only just begun in this house and i'll try to remember to keep laughing along the way.
*thinking about our dear friend Jon today...gone but not forgotten & forever in our hearts.*
(2/28/82-6/16/99)
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