summer

alright, so i promised myself that i would not complain about summer vacation. (especially to (most) of you, the working folk.) if you are a non-working teacher reading this right now...holllaaaaa! but, here's the thing...there are some things that are weird about being off for 8 weeks. it's like you are unemployed, and collecting (welfare) checks...but you really do have a job. it's a queer feeling. you feel very strange. (on the inside.) on the outside...you are loving life. everyday is a good day, cause you don't have to work. people always ask me.."so, do you work in the summer?" my answer is always the same...hell to the no. to work or to not to work, that is the question? i choose not to work. get this straight...i am not a lazy person, by any means. i just don't like to work. who. the. hell. does? now i you are reading this and still doing your 9 to 5 job...you really want to sucker punch me in the vagina. (i know this.) fen usually states several times during the summer that she wants to hurt me. it's okay. i understand. if i had to work, and people around me didn't...i would want to hurt them. hurt their male or female private parts. (i get it.) but, there are still issues about being off of work...and some of them are stated below.

first of all, as a stay at home summer mother...i turn into a short order cook. i have to prepare every meal for everyone in the house. and this is not freakin' mcdonalds people...you can not have it your way. i try my best to appease the portly husband, the tiara adorned toddler, and the chunky baby...but most days, it's hard. also, i feel like as soon as i'm done cleaning up breakfast...it's time for lunch. as soon as lunch is over, it's almost time for dinner. short order cook is not my bag. (it blows.) last night i "forgot" to take the chicken out of the freezer in the morning (for dinner) so we went out instead. (and by "forgot" i mean forgot on purpose.) also, since we are in the house (or yard) all day...my children are like baby wrecking balls. messes galore. i swear my 3 year old and 1 year old can shit up the house faster than my entire kindergarten class could. (toys, everywhere.) i was putting everything into the toy box yesterday and i looked up and carrie was pulling things out of the toy box...and throwing them over her head. i said, "WHAT THE....?" and she laughed her little head off. they know how ridiculous this is. (they do.) i said, "mommy is putting the toys INTO the toy box. please help me!" she then chucked a lincoln log at my cranium and chuckled to herself. (damn you, baby.)

another issue is this...i'm not used to spending so much "quality time" with my husband. i love the guy. (really.) but for the love of all things holy...all day, everyday time together is not good for anyone involved. after week one, i kinda want to inflict bodily harm. (on him.) the thing about butch is this...he has severe ADHD. i mean, he is not clinically diagnosed of anything and i am not a doctor...but i know this about him. (i've known it for years.) he gets sidetracked very easily. if he's not focused...weeding the flower bed turns into building a pond in the backyard. setting up a swingset turns into planning a trip to disney world. so when he said he was going to "clean up the backyard" and i looked out to see him shop vaccing the grill..i was not shocked. i was cleaning up breakfast and glanced out....and thought, "wow." ella was naked in the sandbox and carrie was shirtless in the shrubbery...so i opened the door and said, "what the hell are you doing?!" he yelled back over the hum of the beast, "CLEANING the grill! what does it look like?!" (it looks like you have issues, that's what it looks like.) i just said, "oh." and went back inside. (boys are weird.)

the last thing is this...as stated previously, carrie started sleeping throughout the night quite recently. so, i've spent the past year waking up with her periodically throughout the night. (a YEAR.) now that she is consistently sleeping straight through...it's kinda like a rebirth for me. an awakening if you will. when i lay my head down on that pillow at night, i know that she probably won't wake up. therefore, i can imbibe in several adult beverages, go to bed fuzzy, and know that mommy duties will not be compromised. this is a big deal. i've been enjoying beverages with my bearded beau in the backyard nightly...and i have to say that it's nice. although i'm not getting shit canned wasted, i'm not sipping cautiously on my chardonnay, either. i'm enjoying myself and enjoying my summer....and goddamnit, i think i deserve it. last summer i had just given birth to my sweet little one and she was screaming in my eardrum. this summer she is sleeping quietly in her crib. (amen.) although we are still waking up at half past an ass crack...it's better than waking up 3 times a night AND half past and ass crack. (thank god.)

alright, so i'm having short order cook, housemaid, and housewife problems...not much other than that. (thus far.)  summertime is a sweet time...and it should be for all of you working people as well. you have vacations planned (sun, sand? yes.), people get married (who doesn't love a good wedding?), the sun is shining (i love that bright bastard.), and most normal humans are generally more pleasant. so live it up and drink it down, cause before you know it...winter will be slapping us in the face with a snowball again. lay on the beach, raise your glass to the bride and groom, enjoy the sun and warm weather. dance and play. embrace the good things in your life and force out the things that suck. (don't worry, be happy...as stated by mr. marley.) smile, laugh, drink, eat, and soak up the sun. most importantly, please don't sucker punch me in my lady parts. come the end of august, i will be back on level playing field...and we will all equally hate our lives again. until then...cheers you saucy bitches. summer rules and boys with shop vacs drool.

dance moves at a recent wedding. it didn't end well.