advice

so today i spent a small fortune on ella's school supplies...so much so that i had to head to the bank right after to apply for a second mortgage. (not really, but close.) all jokes aside, know that no matter what you spend on your kid's school supplies, your kid's teacher probably spends quadruple that out of her own pocket every school year. now that i have a kid that is going to kindergarten in a few weeks, i feel like i can really tell you some things that your kid's teacher (kindergarten or otherwise) really wants you to know...my tale of expensive school supplies leads me right to number 1.

1. don't skimp on school supplies. if your kid's list says get a 24 count box of crayola crayons, don't improvise and get a 64 pack of rose arts. if you think you are doing your kid a favor by buying them 40 more crayons than they need, you aren't. the quantity goes up, the quality goes down. while your kid is becoming frustrated by the lackluster color and broken wax in his hand, his buddy next to him is drawing creamy dreamlike pictures with his crayolas. same goes for scissors. if the list says get "fiskars" brand, don't go off the beaten path and buy, like, "whiskers." (they don't work) we have done extensive research on this subject in the form of observation. just buy what the list says and if you can't afford it, be honest and let your kid's teacher know...she'll probably foot the bill or find a way to help you out. trust me on this one. sidebar: also get everything on the list so that your kid's teacher doesn't have to harass you later on. it's annoying for both of us.

2. make your kid carry their own stuff. the first day, your kid is going to have bags of supplies (see above) and you may have to help them out (that's okay). however, on any other day if you are toting your kids book bag or lunchbox for them (no matter how young), you are doing them a disservice. we are trying to create independent, capable kids that can function in society. if they can't even carry their own back pack, what are we telling them? (to be lazy?) if it's too heavy for them, then you put too much crap in there that they don't need. plus, you look really silly with that frozen themed satchel slung over your shoulder. your kid can handle carrying their own crap. furthermore, why wouldn't you want them to? it's less work for you! hand them their book bag and lunch box, explain to them it's their responsibility to carry them and send them on their merry way. wave to elsa and anna as they sachet down the hall.

3. label everything. remember how i just stated that it's their responsibility to carry their own stuff? welp, it's also their responsibility to not lose their own stuff. now being that some of these kiddos haven't had to be responsible for many things in their young lives...they are bound to lose stuff. (it's gonna happen.) you may think that young susie would never misplace her beloved new sweater that was bought only for school, but she will. if you write her name on the label, you have a good chance of getting it back. if you don't, it goes to the lost and found. the lost and found in my school is like a black abyss of doom. actually, when i show parents the sheer magnitude of what is the school lost and found, they usually stand there, mouths agape. if half of these parents would label their kids stuff, this tragic phenomenon wouldn't happen. oh, and initials don't work either. (do you know how many J. W.'s there are in a school? a lot.) just do it. it takes a second and a sharpie, and you won't want to ring your kids neck when they lose their new jacket for the fourth time that school year. whip out your permanent marker and go wild.

4. don't linger in the classroom. especially on the first day, your kid's teacher is trying to get acclimated and get to know your little buttercup, without you. no matter what the grade, when you linger in the classroom, it's a distraction to the teacher and to your kid. if you want to visit any other day, go for it! i welcome parents anytime in my classroom. however, that being said, it is always nice to have a heads up. imagine if i just waltzed in your office unannounced, just to say hello and stood there while you did your job. it could be mighty awkward and a distraction (imagine what that's like to a room full of kids!) we want you to be a part of your child's learning, but it's just common courtesy. plus, if you tell us in advance, we may give you fun stuff to do like rip pages out of a book or work with a group of students! (wahoo!) trust that the teacher knows what they are doing (most do) and trust that your kid is going to be okay (most will be just fine!). the ones that cry the first day (typically in kindergarten) are usually singing and smiling by day 2 (or minute 2.) i promise.

5. whatever you do, don't refer to your child as a genius. naming your child as a "genius," or "above average," or "brilliant" to his/her teacher makes you sound...kinda like a fool. whether your child really is a young bill shakespeare or not, we will figure it out quite quickly. also, i have found in my experience that children love to make a liar out of you. the minute after you tell me how bright your kid is and walk out of the room, they are the first one doing arm-pit farts or picking their nose. another thing to not say along these lines is that you "hope your child isn't bored" at school. children very rarely get bored in same way adults do. they find the fun and wonder in everything. therefore, if you think your young al einstein is going to be twiddling his thumbs in class, you are wrong. (he'll be alright.) plus, i know it doesn't sound like it, but saying your "child might get bored" is a direct insult to his teacher. we strive to keep kids motivated and engaged most of time they are with us. by pulling the boredom card you are being offensive whether you want to be or not.

these are my top five for now, but i'll probably have more to add to the list as the swimming supplies are put away at the stores and the back to school stuff makes its debut. let me just say that i cannot believe i am starting my 10th year of teaching and my first born is starting her first day of kindergarten in a few weeks. i suppose the shock of expensive school supplies is just the beginning of seeing the flip side of things in regard to teaching. i look forward to what this year is going to bring for my brilliant child. i can't wait to saunter down the hall with her frozen knapsack adorning my back and then linger in the classroom on the first day. her brand new lunchbox will inevitably be lost and unfound, because i forgot to put her name on it. however, i'm sure she will have a great time in the classroom coloring with her rose arts and cutting with her whisker scissors. just kidding, that was all sarcasm. however, i surely hope i don't turn out to be a hypocrite and end up following my own advice this year. (probably not...but it's worth a shot.) i will say, though, that i already have my sharpie locked and loaded. look out.

blessed

so yesterday i walked upstairs and i heard one child crying on the toilet due to constipation, saw the other child hiding in the bedroom pooping her own pants...and they were talking to coach each other through it by yelling through the hallway. as i stood there for a minute, i thought...is this really happening? i mean, both kids are taking a crap and having a conversation about it? (this is my life.) in the meantime, my husband and youngest brother were running around the house trying to get things prepared for a spartan race. oh yes, you heard that right...warren signed up and successfully completed a spartan race. you know how they have those couch to 5k programs? well he went from lazy boy to obstacle course in 6 months flat. i will say that the new and improved model of my husband is much more happy. he helps out around the house and spends less time scratching his nuts on the couch. he definitely spends more time now working out than laying around balls akimbo in the living room. exercise motivates you to be more motivated in other aspects of your life...and he is a prime example. i mean, i really had no choice ever to be motivated because my kids needed my constant attention. (since their birth.) however, now that he's all hands on deck, it's much more pleasant around the house. i don't feel like i want to swan dive off the bay bridge because of all my responsibilities and he doesn't feel like a tubba goo laying on the lazy boy. (it's a win-win.)

i have come to the point in the summer where i am ready to go back to work. (you heard that right.) i have said many times that i was never cut out to be a stay at home mom and when summertime forces me to do just that, i go a little crackers. i know, i know...i'm hashtag blessed to be able to spend more time with my kiddos, and i'm not negating that. i would willingly lay on the tracks for either one of them, but having them inserted in my anal cavity 24 hours a day is not my cup of tea. i hit a breaking point sometime last week when i heard "mommy" for the 3,384th time. i yelled, "CALL ME SOMETHING ELSSSSSE! ANYTHING!" ella has since started calling me "mama"...which has a better ring to it if you ask me. i am almost tempted to have them call me, like, madonna or betty sue or something. butch said, "why is ella calling you mama?" i shrugged my shoulders, but know my outburst had something to do with it. carrie still yells mommmEEEEE and enunciates the "E" for good measure. (she's awesome like that.) that night, i finally sat down on the couch at 7:42pm and heard my husband get out of the downstairs shower. (he was afraid to tell me he forgot a towel.) so instead of asking, fearing i may lose my last shit on him, he covered his balls with his dirty boxers and ran wet through the living room and up the stairs. (making eye contact with no one.) i looked at the kids, who were eyes wide, like what the hell just happened?!...and i could not stop laughing. for the record, i would've gotten him a towel, but what ended up happening was much more funny.

so i have one more week of being a professional snack maker (seriously, my kids eat snacks ALL DAMN DAY!), one week of beach vacation...and then i'm back to work. how the hell does the summer always go so fast? anyways, i'll have to jog my brain on how to do normal things like commute to work...and wear shoes. my husband will get one extra week at home solo with our little chickadees, so that could get a little dicey. if my patience level is at about a 7, he's at about a 2 most of the time with them. maybe he'll hit the point when he's heard "daddy" too many times and ask them to call him something else. i hope they choose something cooler like mick jagger or big papa. incidents like the conversation piece between constipation and crapping their pants i'm sure will continue to happen between sisters. it's things like this that make me question my sanity sometimes. (coaching each other through a crap?!) speaking of conversations about the commode, carrie has successfully started potty training! (well, the pee yes...the poop not yet.) therefore, the tour de shitter has now gone double time, as we visit every bathroom of every establishment we go to. today we went to tj maxx, so add that to the list of toilets i've seen in the greater annapolis area. i'm thinking about creating an app where parents can check in to the bathrooms and rate them. (good idea?) so onto another summer week of swimming, snack making, and hammock swinging. no worries, as stated before, i know that i am hashtag blessed...but it still doesn't mean i want to lose my shit every once in a while. betty sue...over and out.

simplicity

so i had an epiphany this past week and it is as follows: i have come to realize that the less your children need you...you start to need them more. it's a haunting realization, really, because when they are totally dependent on you as newborns...you can't wait for them to be able to do some stuff for themselves. (for instance, walk and talk.) then, when they enter into toddler hood and want to do everything themselves, it's kind of annoying (mainly cause it takes 32x longer to do everything.), but they still need your help. finally, when they are pretty self sufficient, as my 5 year old is, you start to miss them needing you for everything. (huh?) i mean, what a kick in the pants this progression is. never did i ever think i would "miss" this little person needing me to dress her. never did i ever think i would "miss" that newborn baby that was like a little leech. (a cute leech, i might add). never did i ever think that i would "miss" the moments where i wanted to pull out my hair because i didn't have one spare second to myself. but here i am...and i miss all of that and more. i think when things start getting easier like they are for me at this point, it is when you contemplate throwing another kid into the mix. i mean, i think about it daily now, even though my kids still need me for some stuff. although, i do think a third child would be a true conductor of mayhem (epic monkeywrench) in this household...and i'm not quite sure my marriage could even survive it. (just being honest.)

summertime makes me slow down and think about things in a different way. kids don't have jobs and responsibilities, so i can see where they are so thoughtful, inquisitive, and energetic all the time. as we get older, work sucks the life out of some of us. i love (love) what i do, but during the summer i truly feel like a kid again. i feel refreshed, renewed, and have time to think about revelations like the aforementioned needy progression of parenthood. i recently went on a little beach excursion and while there collected a cup of stones and shells for my kids. when i brought it home, they acted as if it was gold. well, they don't really understand the value of money...but they acted as if i brought something of enormous value to them, when all i did was scoop some stuff out of the sea. i watched out the window as they dumped it out on their little picnic table and started sorting them. their tiny fingers making two different piles, one of shells and one of stones. they ran their hands over each treasure and i could see them talking about each one. when i walked outside, they fought to describe each thing to me using color words and other adjectives that would make any author proud. as i sat there listening to them, i thought, here we are in the heat of the summer and these two are simply enraptured by objects i brought them from nature. my point is...kids don't need a lot of stuff to be happy. their happiness comes from their sense of wonder. ella made up a whole story about a creature that used to live in one of the shells and now lives in an even bigger house in the sea. carrie listened like it was the best story she ever heard, laughing as her big sister's imagination came to life. later, they decorated one of our garden boxes with their gifts.

i think as we get older, we need a lot more to be happy. (at least that's how i feel). we convince ourselves that we don't have enough money, a big enough house, or just enough...stuff. what if we could get as excited as my kids did about that cup of shells and stones? (would that be enough?) my children are getting older every minute. ella is pretty much a little person now and can do alotta things for herself, not to mention she starts school in a month. however, she hit milestones much quicker than her sister. carrie took longer to walk (14 months, opposed to ella's 9 months), longer to talk (3 years, as opposed to ella's 2), and a had longer time to be my baby. now that she has started talking fluently, she is turning into a little person right before my eyes. she's not a baby anymore and that makes me very sad. i remember thinking how torturous that first year was and how exhausted i was with both kids. that stuff seems like a distant memory, as sleep has finally returned to my routine. i will say, though, that being home with my kids most days this summer makes me think that they are having some type of unspoken competition to see how many times they can say the word "mommy" in one day. (just sayin.) moreover, i know that my children will always need me...just in a more independent way. furthermore, they remind me everyday to make sure i find wonder and happiness in the little things...like shells and stones. they get equally excited about swimming pools and swings. simplicity in this life is underrated and sometimes it takes the perspective of a child for things to make the most sense. so in the midst of summer, it seems i have been schooled by my own offspring. lesson learned, little people. lesson learned.

wisdom

so sometimes in life, you need a reality check...and my most recent one, dear people, came in the form of some selfies. (that is, a picture that you take of yourself) the one on the left was taken when i was feeling all fresh and sassy on sunday after getting my hair did. (and copious amounts of wine i might add.) the one on the right (which i have no recollection of snapping) was taken in the car after a recent wisdom tooth surgery. my husband also recorded an epic video me talking about how i felt like i drank a six pack, had a bong hit...and felt like eminem's girlfriend (i had no recollection of this either.) i went in thursday morning to the oral surgeon's office with butch as my escort. the receptionist (whom i had made friends with the last time i was there) said, "is this your support staff?" (pointing to warren). he replied dryly, "just for today." she yelped, "just for today!? sounds like a personal problem!"(my dad uses this phrase often.) so anyway, i was nervous as hell and they took me back to the room where there was a large tray of medieval tools before me. i diverted my eyes, mainly because i didn't want to shit my pants in fear. the doc seemed extra chipper and so did his sidekick. i, on the other hand, was quite salty...because prior to this appointment, i was not allowed eat or drink anything. i was also instructed to not wear my contacts, makeup, or nail polish. i can do without all of the aforementioned, except for my morning coffee...so again, i was salty. however, i smiled at the former navy seal of a doctor who was now in his 60s and replied, "yes" when he asked me if i was "ready." (ready as i'll ever be.)

the next thing i know, i was slowly waking up to the sound of my husband's voice. after being scared to open my eyes for a minute, i realized i was not in the exam chair...i was in butch's lazy boy in our living room. (how the hell did i get here!?) i sat up and said, "where are the girls?" he said, "they are napping, don't you remember coming home?" i said no. he laughed his head off and said, "well look at THIS!" showing me the video. (shit.) i said, "how can i not remember walking out of the place or anything!?" he said, "you were really out of it and you kept interrupting the receptionist when she was giving instructions to me about your recovery." i yelped, "what did i say!?" he went on, "well...you kept telling her your mouth tasted like the sahara desert and that you were hungry for a cheeseburger and stuff. she was amused." he said once i was strapped in the car (and after the video) i started telling him about a "short cut" i knew to get back to our town from the doctor's office...and HE FOLLOWED MY DIRECTIONS. to be clear, i was just a minute ago talking about being married to eminem and then he thought it was a good idea to follow my driving directions?? he said, "well i sort of knew where i was, so i thought you might be right. you were." (holy hell.) then, he stopped at sweet frog to get me some frozen yogurt for lunch, came back out to find me head back, mouth open and passed the hell out again.

after we got home, he transported me to the lazy boy and that was that. to be clear, i have no recollection of any of that (at all.) i mean, it's kind of scary how that works. they knock you out and then, like, 4 hours later you wake up in a lazy boy and remember nothing? (wtf.) after waking up, i devoured the sweet frog and sat there thinking about how much my mouth hurt. however, i must say that this drug induced coma was probably the best sleep i have had probably since my first born made her appearance on this earth. i was dead to the world and quite honestly, a bulldozer could have come through the bay window and i wouldn't have noticed. speaking of bulldozers, one of the instructions on the discharge sheet was to not drive heavy machinery (such as a bulldozer)...or operate power tools. at the previous appointment i said to the doctor, "you mean i can't go home and fire up my chainsaw after the procedure!?" he laughed his head off and said, "no you cannot." (well we will just see about that after you said i can't have any coffee.) later last night i sent warren on his merry way for some guy time. after i put the girls down to bed, i enjoyed a bubble bath, read some of my book, had full reign of netflix, and ate ben and jerry's. as i sat there, i thought, "holy hell, i should've done this wisdom tooth thing sooner!" (no shit.) while in my sedentary mode, i was scrolling through my phone and found that awful selfie i took in the car. upon discovering it, i laughed hysterically.

so through this experience i have learned (once again) about the importance of laughing at yourself. (wisdom from the extraction of my wisdom teeth? ok then.) moreover, it's okay to take a narcissistic selfie when you are feeling sassy, but don't forget to snap one when you are at your worst. furthermore, i realized just how much a little makeup and a cup of coffee can change my day for the better. finally, having someone on your side that will laugh along with you and take video is equally important (even if it's not eminem.) in other news, i have scheduled my next tooth extraction for 2020. i figure i will get one tooth pulled every five years, just so i can can enjoy a well deserved bubble bath and ben and jerry's without interruption. (not really, but a girl can dream.) i know for sure in this life it is important to embrace your inner silliness. (sometimes, it's the only thing that keeps me going.) so when you feel like whipping out your chainsaw, instead find your sense of humor and stick to it. (you should never leave home without it.) if i teach my own children one thing in this life, i hope it is that. here's to a weekend filled with flags, adult beverages, ben and jerry's...and red, white, and blue. raising my glass to america, my freedom, and always holding fast to my sense of humor. sometimes, friends, it's the only way to survive.

dentist

so...i have a confession to make and it's kind of embarrassing, but i share everything else so why not this. here goes...with the exception of once last week, i haven't been to the dentist in 16 years. (SIXteen years.) although i am chock fulla excuses, this is what happened. i had an appointment to get my wisdom teeth out when i was seventeen and then got mono. (the kissing disease.) however, i didn't get the disease the fun way, i got it from someone else's water bottle at a soccer game in high school. (go figure.) so anyway, the appointment got cancelled, i soon went away to college, got a job, got married, birthed children...and my teeth took somewhat of a backseat. (priorities.) so flash forward 16 years and i was in a hotel room waking up from a wedding that took place two weeks ago...and i was in PAIN. my mouth, my jaw, even my ear was hurting at this point, and it wasn't being helped by the horrendous headache i had from imbibing in alcoholic beverages the night before. simply put, it felt like satan himself was shoving a firey sword into my gum and the side of my face. i rolled over and whined to warren, who was pretty much incoherent at this time. so i popped some advil and hoped when it wore off the pain would be magically gone. (it wasn't.)

welp, the pain did not subside...and it actually got worse. in the back of my mind, i knew a wisdom tooth was the culprit, but i was really nervous about going to the dentist. however, fen talked so highly of her dentist, that i decided to go there. my husband has a dentist, but fen went there originally and thinks that she's a total scammer. fen said the only reason warren goes there is because his dentist has big breasts and shoves them in his face. (for the love of...) so anyway, i decided to go with fen's dentist because she said, "he is super nice and reminds me of a friend we both had back home." (let's call him brent, because that's the friend that he reminds us of.) so i call brent's office and make an appointment with amy, the receptionist. the earliest i could get in was that thursday. from sunday to thursday i was basically like a spitting cobra. (so uncomfortable.) mouth pain is no joke. i was popping advil like eminem on oxycontin. (it was bad.) on thursday i walked in the office, still nervous, and basically it's a small house remodeled to be a dentist office. amy leaped up from her seat and said, "welcome to the practice!! here is the paperwork you need to fill out!" (shit. she's talking in exclamation points.) one of the questions on the paperwork was, "when is the last time you saw a dentist?" i wrote "1999...don't judge me" on the form and hoped for the best. afterwards, they handed me a "welcome gift" that included a reusable grocery bag...and a beer cozy embroidered with their namesake. (really.) meanwhile, fen is texting me furiously telling me i better let them know she referred me. (easy, fen.)

when i was done the paperwork, i stood up to hand it in and another girl (i didn't catch her name) said i would be going on a tour and then to my exam room. (a tour?!) the house could have been made for goldilocks (so small), so there i was basically standing in a short hallway as she was pointing to each room. (a tour.) after the tour was over (took about 2 minutes), she settled me in the exam chair. a few seconds later our high school friend lookalike walked in behind her. brent exclaimed, "so it seems we have a JOKESTER on our hands!" (i was confused.) he went on..."don't worry, i'm not judging you about the last time you were at the dentist!" (oh that.) we talked about my mouth for a while and then he did the exam. he said...let me ask you something, "do you eat a lot of popcorn?" i said, "yes...and i like to eat a lot of nuts. i like nuts." he looked up from his clipboard with one eye and smirked. (jesus christ.) i mean..."i eat almonds almost everyday." he said while smiling, "got it." i recently told a coworker about this convo and she said, "shit, you eat sausage for lunch and nuts, too...go butch!" (then she threw her head back and laughed.) brent talked in all this dental mumbo jumbo for a while about my teeth and then sent me with the technician to get a panoramic x-ray of my grill. they asked me if i might be pregnant (um no.)...and then told me to stand still and bite down on this stick. the camera whirred around my head like a spaceship and i was standing there feeling kind of stupid. then the nice lady sent me back to my chair and they projected a picture of my teeth up on a big tv screen in the room. this is what i saw:

so...he starts with, "nothing out of the ordinary here, except when we see this." he pointed to the bottom left tooth and said, "this is what is causing you the pain." i turned my head completely sideways and said, "is that...my wisdom tooth!?...why the hell did it grow that way?!" he smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "it got lazy." now hold the goddamn phone here...i have heard of lazy eyes and shit...but a lazy TOOTH!? am i in the twilight zone? after some laughter and brent telling me his life story, he explained the history of wisdom teeth to me. (that happened.) he also handed over a referral for an oral surgeon and told me to come back after the extraction of my four teeth had healed. he said (and i quote), "...and don't just use me for the referral, come back for a cleaning and stuff. i mean, it's been SIXTEEN YEARS...it's time." (i said don't judge me, dude.) alright, so i come home and tell butch the whole story and he thinks this surgery is going to be comparable to a recent root canal he's had. (just no.) it's like the time that he compared childbirth to his hernia surgery. listen, pal, if you suddenly house 2 human beings for almost a year and then violently shoot them out of your fun place...we can talk turkeys. until then, do not compare ANYTHING you went through to childbirth. (you will lose.) 

so anyway, i scheduled the surgery to happen soon...and i'm scared as shit. as stated above, i had two kids come out of my lady parts, but i think i'm more scared for this surgery. (does that even make sense!?) i also told my husband i've never been sedated before and i'm worried i won't wake up. he told me (rightfully so) to stop being so dramatic. suddenly, though, in my early thirties i realize that i need to make my teeth a priority. with the recent addition of not one but TWO blow up pools and a trampoline to our backyard, we are dipping dangerously close to hillbilly deluxe status. if i start losing teeth, i'll complete the package deal. i'm guessing i'm not the only person in the world that is kinda afraid of the dentist, however, i'm glad i went with fen's suggestion...and went with brent over butch's big breasted lady. i'm curious as to what treats the oral surgeon's office holds on monday for my consultation. (another beer cozy, perhaps?)  i'll be sure not to mention to the oral surgeon gene that i like to eat nuts. (son of a...) meanwhile, i will be relaxing with my lazy tooth, boxed wine in hand, as my two little redneck ladies swim in their highly luxurious inflatable pool in the backyard. (holy hillbillies, man!) embracing the fact that i'm welcoming this summer with the experience of going to the dentist for the first time in 16 years, then soon after getting my wisdom teeth extracted as an adult...i mean, it can only get better from here. satan and his firey mouth sword are surely no match for me. summer here we come.

cupcakes

so three monumental things are happening all this week with my first born. to begin, on monday she attended her last day ever with the at home babysitter she has had since birth. secondly, she turned 5 (FIVE!) on tuesday. lastly, she will graduate (cue commencement music) from preschool tomorrow. all three things make me profoundly happy and profoundly sad...all at the same time. i remember thinking when she was a baby that i had to take her to a sitter for 5 whole years before she would start school, and thinking about that then...it seemed like an eternity. motherhood caught me off guard in lots of ways, but just the sheer amount of attention and time newborns take up threw me for a loop in the beginning. plus, having a newborn and a full time job was daunting. i remember being TERRIFIED the first day i went back to work. i remember hoping i made sure i packed every last thing in the diaper bag, that she had adequate formula, that she wouldn't miss me too much during the day. i remember her screaming in the car that first time i had to wake her and take her to the sitter...and i remember sitting in the car crying that morning thinking about how i wanted to just quit my job and stay at home with her instead. just as suddenly as these things overwhelmed me, they passed just as quickly. here i am 5 years later with a near future kindergartner and i can't believe it.

the day we brought her home from the hospital.

when carrie came into the mix, i felt like i had things down pat. (using that loosely) i had two years under my belt by that time, but what i didn't expect was how much more WORK it would be to have two. one seems like a cake walk compared to two. three? three sounds like a nightmare in my book...when they start to out number you, you are in a shit ton of trouble. anyways, each progressive year, things got faster and faster and now that things are easier in a lot of ways...i really just want time to slow down. ella said to me monday in the car, "i can't WAIT to be five tomorrow! i can't WAIT!" i said, "what's so great about five that you couldn't do at four?" she said, "i can go to kindergarten." (touche.)....and "i won't be afraid of bugs anymore." (okay then.) however, do you remember being a kid and always wishing for the next big birthday? (i do.) i remember being 8 and couldn't wait to be 10. 10 and couldn't wait to be 13. 13 and couldn't wait to be 16. it went that way until i was 21...and then the "couldn't wait" for the next year stopped happening. i mean, i still enjoyed my birthdays, but i never said, "i CAN'T WAIT to be 33!" (oh hell no.) so as ella enters year 5 of her life, i want her to know she can and should wait for the next years to come, because they will come far too fast and she will be suddenly missing memories that she never thought she'd miss. (or maybe that's just me)

furthermore, being around children (my own and my school kids) all the time is something i never take for granted. i believe it keeps me young in a lot of ways and i often question when we lose that sense of excitement and wonder with the world. for example, i took ella to school with me on her birthday to hang out with other 5 and 6 year olds who were celebrating field day. the kids went through 7 different relay races (including the potato sack!) and the joy and laughter throughout the morning was just awesome. (even in 90 degree heat!) the night before, ella helped me make cupcakes (move over betty crocker) to share with the kids at school. she said, "i want blue cupcakes with orange icing." (wtf?) i said okay. as she and carrie helped me bake, each part of the process was like mind blowing for them. from pouring the oil to cracking the eggs, it was all exciting. finally, they were my taste testers and i haven't heard them that quiet all week. (silence and shoving them in their mouths.) as she was licking her lips she said simply, "cupcakes make me happy." (her little sister shook her head) then, when i broke these bad boys out at school, the kids lost their minds. have you ever seen kids around cupcakes!? (they go apeshit.) anyways, they sang happy birthday to her with gusto and then they dug in. each one made it a point to tell me how good they were. i'm not going to quit my day job or anything, but it cost me $4.79 to make 24 cupcakes, my kids helped, and it was EASY. i ended up making 24 more the next night for her preschool (pink this time, as per her request.) look at me...being all domestic and shit.

so as ella graduates from preschool tomorrow and i wrap up my own school year...it is bittersweet. never did i think that i would be sad that i don't have to take her to the sitter anymore. never did i think i would be sad upon her turning five. never did i think i would be sad she was graduating preschool. i will miss little things like hearing her little voice conversing with her sister in the backseat of the car in the morning. hearing her say she "couldn't wait!" to be five made me remember what it felt like to be a kid and wishing for more years. seeing her posing in a cap a gown made me realize just how fast these years are flying and will continue to fly. before i know it, she will be graduating from high school in a cap and gown and who knows what the hell i will be writing about by then. (probably gray hair and saggy boobs.) when i was in the depths of newborn hell and headed into the reign of toddler terror with both kids, i didn't realize then just how quickly that time would pass. here i am with a three and a five year old little girls that are rapidly turning into young ladies, and things are so much easier than they were a few short years ago. i can breathe again, but suddenly (and randomly) become sad about the babies that are left behind. i am reminded this week to enjoy each laugh, cherish each (horrible) harmonica serenade, and hold dear the memories that these kids have given me over the past 5 years. most importantly, to remember to find joy in something as simple as a cupcake...because sometimes in life that's all you really need to be happy.

kindness

kindness is being nice.

i experienced a career high this week, but before i tell you about it...i need to explain some background information. my school is located in a highly transient area. to put it into better perspective, my building houses kindergarten through 8th grade, and out of the 22 kids that started with me in 2006...only 5 are left. my first year of teaching 9 years ago happened to be the very first year my charter school opened. therefore, the kids in 8th grade this year are entitled the legacy class, because some of them were there from the very beginning. where i grew up, a lot of the same kids i went to kindergarten with graduated with me from high school. hell, i met my husband and most of my friends in my 6th grade year and we've been cronies ever since. therefore, it's kinda hard to wrap my head around the fact that only 5 of my kids are left from that first year. i have watched some of these 5 year-olds grow into young men and women before my eyes, and i feel very proud of them. teaching is a profession that is closely associated with parenthood...if you are doing it right. as a teacher, i really, truly want to see my school kids succeed. the ultimate goal in mind, as a kindergarten teacher...is to make these kids love learning so that they go on to be happy, healthy students and eventually productive members of society. that being said, some of these kids recently had to write reflections about what they most remember about their teachers they had throughout the years, because this year they graduate from our school.

a mother of one of these children shared with me this week that her son's reflection stated that what he most remembered about me is that i was kind to him...and that i taught him how to be kind to other people. she kinda laughed it off when she told me, thinking i was going to be disappointed or something that he didn't say i taught him how to read, or write, or learn his numbers. if this child, this now young man, this future member of our society is going to remember one thing from kindergarten, you bet your number 2 pencil i hope he remembers how to be kind to other people. (teaching win.) i couldn't have been happier when she told me that, actually. (awesome.) i strive very hard from day one in my classroom to create a climate that is conducive to loving learning..and loving each other. i want children to know that they are safe in my classroom and will be accepted for who they are. i want them to be nice to each other, and help each other out when needed. the world can be so cruel and some of the things the kids i teach have gone through...are more than i have gone through in my entire life. in fact, this past week i attended a funeral for a mother of one of my former students, who died of an alleged drug overdose. the mom was my age and left behind four children, all of which attend our school. i can't imagine what those kids are going through...or the heartache and struggles they will face in the future. kids like this need kind and accepting teachers and classrooms, because sometimes it's all they've got. i had my kindergarteners this year share what they thought kindness was, and included are some of their responses.

kindness is helping people.

in a world that is pushing technology and standardized testing, many times i am at the other end of the spectrum and go old school. i find children often respond best to these methods, no matter how dated they may be. (back to basics, please.) i prefer paper and pencil to monitor and keyboard. puzzles and play doh to ipads. some parents are disappointed at the beginning of the year when i tell them this, but they always come around by the end of the year. i believe the "new" way to do things is not always the best way. i believe having a child's best interest at heart should always be at the heart of instruction. moreover, i think teaching children how to be kind and loving kids creates kind and loving adults. where do adults that are nasty to each other get in life anyway? i certainly don't want to be around anyone like that. truth be told, i can be an jerk sometimes. it's not all rainbows and unicorns always. (believe me) i don't put on my mary poppins hat everyday, either. some days i suck at teaching and some days i suck at parenting, i am realistic about that...but i always strive to do better. as another school year passes, i know that i have taught children to read, to write, to listen, to respond, and to recognize their numbers. i know that i have instilled a love of learning that i hope will last a lifetime. i know that i have elicited smiles and laughter along the way. i have also expected them to be respectful, obedient, and accept their peers. most of all, i hope that they take away from this year that i truly cared for them and their classmates. i hope, like my former 8th grader, that they simply remember that i was kind to them...and that they should be kind to other people. in a world that has seemingly gone mad sometimes, kindness will never be overrated. sometimes i believe certain people would benefit going back to kindergarten for a little while...to remember what life is truly all about. kindness for the win. 

 

kindness is sharing ice cream.