zoo

the enthusiasm in my classroom this morning was palpable. if you woulda opened your mouth, you coulda tasted it. this is one of the many reasons i love children. it doesn't take much to get them wound up about stuff. and for this reason, when parents tell me that their young bill shakespeare or al einstein is going to be bored in my class...i secretly scoff and laugh to myself. most children are self entertainers. if they don't have anything to stimulate them, they find something (anything) to be excited about. their imaginations are fierce. we could learn a lot from them, indeed. that being said, a trip to the zoo was almost too much for most of them to handle. (the school bus alone was a lot.) they were all about to blow a gasket when they walked in at 7:50am. i tried to diffuse the little bombs, but it really was no use. we took some deep breaths at one point...the inhale went fine, but during the exhale giggles flew out of their mouths instead of hot air. (fail.) they were extremely pumped.

on the bus ride there, we tried to harness their giddiness with songs...so that screams wouldn't come out instead. ernest, our bus driver, was eyeballing me in the large mirror the whole time...as if to say, "holy hell, lady, how do you deal with this all day, everyday?" i smiled sweetly and thought, "wine after work, ernest. lotsa wine." but really, i love my job. i hate getting up and going everyday, like everyone else...but when i'm there, i enjoy myself. another thing about kids is, they have a sixth sense when it comes to certain things. for example, if i didn't like to teach...they would know it. ever have a teacher that you really didn't like? 9 times of 10 this person a. shouldn't have chosen teaching as their profession. b. should've retired years ago. or c. was just a miserable human being, in general. moreover, if they know the teacher isn't into the lesson they are teaching, they won't be into it either. you can't fake it either. you have to mean it. (they know the difference.) sidebar: they can also smell fear...like bees and dogs.

anyway, we arrived at the zoo and they fired out of the bus doors like clowns out of a clown car. like monkeys out of a barrel. like horses out of the gates. i always split the kids up amongst the adults, so that they can kinda go and do their own thing. (divide and conquer.)  i always pick some of my favorites to stay with me, though. as we walked around, the questions started. a billion questions. about everything. (i feel like a walking encyclopedia at times.) i don't blame them...they want to learn. they want answers. they wanna know why that bird is in the tree, and why that worm is in the ground...they wanna know why the orangutan is eating his own poop. (oy.) and this segues into the power of the poop. i'm convinced if there wasn't one animal at the zoo...but just piles of poop, they would've been happy. they were obsessed with the poop, of EVERY animal. (even the fish!) i talked to my coworker and she also said, yeah...the poop was a big hit! all we talked about was poop! finally, i had to say, "enough with the poop, we will not talk about poop anymore" to my group. they thought this was hilarious. (i tried to say it with a straight face, but i failed miserably.)

i think one of the fun aspects of the zoo is the unpredictability of the animals...and also unpredictability of the children's reactions. one year, i walked into the elephant exhibit with about 12 students and one of the zoo keepers was giving a big guy a bath. well, we watched for a while...and then i happened to notice one massive elephant erection. (oh hell.) i didn't say anything as i watched all of my kids heads cock to one side and stare. then one of them said (pointing), "umm...what IS that?!" then they all chimed in, "is that a LEG?" "it's so BIG!" and then..."i think it's his PENIS," out of the mouth of one of my babes. i stated that, yes, it was the elephant's penis and we would now be moving on to another exhibit that didn't include enormous erections. another year, i witnessed two large tortoises humping each other. (just going to town.) i was saved when another adult stated loudly that they were, "playing piggyback." the kids bought it and we moved on. (sheesh.) this year, when the orangutan was eating his own poop, they lost. their. minds. one of the kids i was with actually fell on the floor and covered his face. stating, "ohhhhhmyyyygoshhhh it is so grosssssss." i just shook my head and laughed. (what could i do?) i made eye contact with that monkey and i swear he was doing it to mess with me. (i'm dead serious.)

anyways, another zoo trip in the books. another crazy day of fun and wonder. as we arrived back to the school, their enthusiasm was somewhat dissipated, but they still wanted to talk about everything that heard, saw, and smelled. (mostly, the poop.) i always laugh at the chaperone's faces when we get back...some of them look shell shocked and they can't get outta there fast enough. many times they say how much fun they had, but they have no idea how i do it everyday. (everyone has their niche in life.) i guarantee those kids went home and told their parents what an awesome day they had...and if i were a betting woman, i would put a high wager on feces as a top discussion topic for most of them. should've made for awesome dinner conversation in most of their homes.

meanwhile, in my own home, it was also part of the dinner discussion, because today at his school...butch blew into the (men's) bathroom (one toilet) to discover one of his larger, FEMALE, african american coworkers droppin' a deuce. i was laughing so bad that i never got the story as to why she was in the men's bathroom, or why she didn't lock the door...cause all i could picture was butch's facial expression as he breezed in the bathroom wearing his boat shoes and a smile, and her face as she was sitting there staring at him, startled from the commode. (i lost it. like bad.) he stated that tomorrow should be really awkward when he runs into this coworker. (this made me laugh even louder.)  the end of another day...and an awesome way to start the month of may. zoo trips and awkward social situations. (two of my favorite things.) i will now be pouring myself a glass of wine. or five. cheers!