paleo

so this past saturday, i decided that i needed to shake up my eating routine...and it has turned into just that, a routine. i seriously was eating the same stuff for weeks. the same things for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. for dinner, i would make the same five things, just vary what days i would cook them on. i always wonder if other people fall into these patterns, i'm guessing yes. anyways, i've been reading a lot about the paleo way of life...and i like it. eat foods that are natural, limit foods that are not. sleep well. limit stress. eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full...you get it. anyway, i tried it for a week. here is my experience:

sunday.
wellll...this was st. patty's day. however, i did pretty well. i had eggs and bacon for brunch. (at a restaurant.) although i did have a bloody mary and about 4 containers of creamer in my coffee. (you are supposed to limit alcohol and dairy...whoopsy.) i already had dinner planned out...and butch was PUMPED when i showed him the recipe, so much so that he almost hugged me with glee. three words: bacon wrapped meatloaf. fen ended up stopping by for dinner as well and she also thought it was bangin. i didn't feel deprived at all today. yum.

bacon wrapped meatloaf

sidebar: the bacon grease overflowed out of the muffin tin, leading to smoke pouring out of my oven. the smoke alarm (loudly) went off...then causing ella to scream OH NOOOO!, carrie to cry, and butch to take the lords name in vain. 

monday.

i woke up hungry, like really hungry. like i could've eaten half of a steer and a whole hog for breakfast. i opted for a couple of scrambled eggs, some avacado, and 2 slices of bacon instead. around 10am i started to feel a little squirrely and this also happened to be snack time in my classroom. (i almost straight armed a student for his twinkie.) anyway, i noted that tuesday i would also have to bring some sort of snack for this time, so that i don't hurt a small child by accosting his treat. for lunch i had one of the left over meatloafs and a salad filled to the gills with veggies. (it was good.) i came home and made curried shrimp and spinach for dinner. i never used curry before and was a little scared. however, it turned out awesome. i DID have a bit of a moment, because i made pasta for butch (to go with his) and as he was twirling on his fork i almost kicked his penis violently under the table. (i took a deep breath.) after cleaning up, i made a smoothie loaded with fruit (and spinach!) for the next days snack. i also took a couple of sips of it after making it, so that i didn't hurt my husbands private parts due to my lack of pasta for dinner. (the fruit calmed my craziness...who knew.)

curried shrimp and spinach

sidebar: you have to puree the ingredients in the blender. carrie was nearby and when i hit the button, it scared the hell out of her. she screamed like a banshee and then wouldn't calm down...so spent the whole rest of the time cooking with a baby on my hip.

tuesday.
when i whipped my smoothie snack for the day out of my lunch bag, one of the kindergartners breezed by my desk, made a disgusted face...and almost dry heaved. i will admit, it looked pretty nasty. it was green and chunky and i tried to explain that there was fruit in there and it was good...but the 5 year old was NOT buying it. he was judging me with his big brown eyes, and gagged when i took a sip. (i laughed.) lunch was a salad with bacon and mushrooms, which left me feeling hungry. the dinner i had planned for today had to be put off, because my parents decided to blow into town for dinner and if you think for one second that georgie boy is eating paleo...you don't know georgie boy. anyways, we ordered take out...a grilled chicken salad (no cheese, lotsa veggies) for me and two large pizzas for the the rest of them. when those delicious cheese monsters blew through my door, i almost grabbed one and ran. however, the salad was pretty good...but again, i was left feeling hungry. i found a few pecans hidden in the back of the cabinet from christmas and had some. (this was a good idea, as it stopped me from slicing my family with the pizza cutter.) alrighty, day three...glad you are over.

sidebar: while eating, i stated that i really wanted a piece of pizza...george said, "then HAVE a piece of pizza!" deb said, "nooooo, GEORGE, she is not eating PIZZA, that is not PALEO." (i almost slapped her in her size 4 mouth...but she is my mother, so i refrained.)

wednesday.
i was not starving for a steer when i woke up, and had a yummy spinach omelet and bacon for breakfast. instead of disgusting my kindergartners with a green smoothie today, i opted for an orange. for lunch i made a salad topped with steak and avocado...and that's when all hell broke loose. after lunch, my students come in from recess, and then they have a 20 minute rest time before they go to art. well, they all laid down, and i was sitting at my desk. my stomach started hurting, hurting like really bad. i kid you not...i thought i was going to shit a kitten. i was doubled over, trying to play it cool...and i heard, "um, are you alRIGHT?!" from one of the kids. (YESSS I'M FINE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!) instead, i said, "yup, i'm good..." this went on for about 10 or 15 minutes, the pain that is. i'm not sure what brought it on, because there wasn't anything weird about the salad i ate...nor did i consume any cyanide for dessert. anyway, it passed...no kittens were shit, and my day went on without a hitch. today is one of the days i get to go to the gym..so butch was "in charge" of dinner. i got steaks for him to grill, instructed him to also grill some zucchini for me, and i would make a side for him when i got home. it was delicious...and i definitely wasn't hungry afterwards day 4 success...minus the urge to suddenly shit my own pants.

no sidebars today...i think the fact that i almost crapped my own pants and i'm 30 years old is enough.

thursday.
breakfast was the same as the past couple of days... nothing mind blowing. for lunch i had some leftover zucchini from the night before and another steak salad with some of the leftover steak. (no attacks from the inside this time.) one of my coworkers bounced into my classroom at the end of the day with a tray of tagalong cookies (ala girlscouts.) i told him to get out immediately...and that i wanted to hurt him. (he laughed, but i was kinda serious.) today was another gym day...so the night before, i prepared dinner for tonight. (i didn't want butch to blow a gasket making dinner two nights in a row.) i got a paleo recipe for a crockpot pork loin. i've done pork loins in the crockpot before, and they are always good. however, when i pulled this recipe up...i didn't really read it. it involved searing the meat and sauteing the veggies before putting them in the crockpot (therefore defeating the purpose of the crockpot in the first place, in my opinion.) anyway, i set off the smoke alarm (again) and when i looked out into the living room, butch was just shaking his head. (whoops.) we did frozen broccoli and rice for the big man as sides. this was an awesome recipe, and it was worth the extra step. day 5 done...and pretty successful, minus me almost decking a coworker who thought it was cool to breeze in my classroom with irresistible treats from those goddamn girlscouts.

crockpot pork

sidebar: while eating dinner, butch admitted that on the way home he stopped for gas at wawa with the girls. he also admitted that he ordered mozzarella sticks and fisted them into his face before arriving home. my face must've said it all...because he couldn't stop laughing. (what. the. hell. warren.)

friday. 

nothing to write home about on this day...except for lunch, i pureed what was left in the crockpot and made a tomato/pork soup out of it. sounds gross, but was so awesome. after work, i fell off the paleo wagon for a hot minute and had some crackers and cheese and some coors lights. for dinner we ordered in, and i did have some sushi (gasp...rice!) like i said, fell off the wagon and not much to write home about...however, i didn't gorge myself with carbs or anything.

sidebar: it's friday, don't judge me.

saturday.
i woke up and went to a spin class first thing this AM. this was the first time i took this particular class, and the blonde bike nazi instructor was getting on my nerves. she yelled, "pusshhhh it new girllll!"at one point. (um, i could eat you for breakfast, girlfriend...shut it.) along with shaking up my eating routine, i tried all week to shake up my workout routine as well. spinning is no joke...i thought i might die. (or throw up.) and for tonight's menu?? beer...and lots of it. (DC beerfest and a babysitter, people!)

sidebar: i like beer.

in conclusion...at the end of my paleo week, i'm feeling pretty awesome. i lost another 4 lbs as well. did it allow me to blast through a plateau? yes. did it make me nearly shit my own pants? yes. did it make me want to hurt my husband, a coworker, a small child, and my own mother? yes. do i think i could make a lifestyle out of it? maybe, but i think (as with anything) moderation is key. if you need to shake up your eating routine, or drop a few pounds...i definitely recommend it. plus, you can eat lotsa bacon...and really, who doesn't like bacon? i couldn't go paleo all day everyday, but i'm guessing it gets easier as you go on...and by easier i mean not nearly shitting yourself or wanting to assault small children for their sugary snacks.