shenanigans

so we had this plan for st. patrick’s day. i’ve noticed when you have kids, you always have to have a ‘plan.’ i’m not sure why, exactly, we make these 'plans' because they usually end up going awry despite how organized you seem. however, we had one…our plan was to go downtown for pancakes and pints at a local irish pub early in the morning. we were assured that this was a kid friendly endeavor and a large group of us were involved. (11 men, women & children total…to be exact) i had visions of the guys enjoying guinness, the kids laughing and eating their pancakes in their green outfits, and myself sipping on a virgin bloody mary enjoying the irish holiday…that is not what happened at all. so here’s what ended up acutally happening...

my husband’s roommate from college is in town visiting. (polar bear head wedding gift...if you follow my blog) he came down on friday night so he would be there to execute the plan on saturday morning. we all got up and dressed the kids. we were ready to go when i got a phone call in the early morning from one of our friends who was supposed to be joining us…and he was letting me know he was not going because his kids would rather watch elmo. (these were his exact words. oooooookay, so minus 3.) then we drive downtown, we park and the 5 of us get out and walk. we get to the pub, and there is a line. at 8am. i guess i should’ve known…because there are so many fake irish people on st. paddy’s day it’s ridiculous. (an amateur holiday, at best...unless you are actually irish.)

anyways, there was a line. another family was supposed to meet us there, and i saw the man of the house, minus kid and wife standing in the line.  (so now we were down another 2..) it didn’t take us too long to get to the front, but both kids (a one & two year old) were not enjoying the wait, and my patience was also running thin. of course, once we get to the front of the line…the restaurant is at “capacity” and we can’t get in.  we have to wait. longer. as i was standing there, diaper bag over my shoulder, stroller in hand, toddler hanging off of my husband’s head, minus half of our entire group…not to mention, eye level with the bouncer’s nut sack (who was cracking jokes with his capacity counter clicker in hand saying that he would have to do 1 ½ clicks for me because of my belly. wise ass.)…i thought, how the hell did i get here? and not get here like to this actual bar…but this actual predicament. when did i get so old?? toddlers, husbands, a large round belly filled with a baby...i remember st. patty's days filled with shots of jameson, lotsa beer, and pure shenanigans. now, not so much. however, we still have shenanigans, but those of a completely different variety.

during my epiphany, the bouncer tells us we can actually get into the restaurant. we sauntered in (ala dog and pony show) and walked around a few times looking for a table. nothing. now under normal circumstances, we would get a beer and stand around and wait…however, we had the kids, who still hadn’t eaten breakfast. (and who wants to deal with a meltdown of 2 hungry children…certainly not me.) as we were standing there deciding what to do, an older woman (probably 65) who was about 250 bills (with a cane) tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if i wanted to sit in her seat. (holy shit, do i really look that large and uncomfortable??) i guess so...and you better believe i took her offer and sat down. (no shame in my game.) we waited another 15 minutes for a table and then aborted the whole mission. i almost elbowed the bouncer (with the clicker) in the crotch on the way out the door. we drove back to our side of town and went to a smaller irish pub that had tables to sit in and no bouncers. however, the guy who had originally showed up sans wife and kid decided not to go. so here we were, the original 5 of us, almost 2 hours later…now just 2 miles from our house sitting at a totally different irish restaurant. 

needless to say, our ‘plan’ had gone horribly awry. kids will do that. which brings me to my point.…with kids (and in life, really), you can't plan anything, because the harder you try, the harder things will fail. all you can do is hold on and enjoy the ride...and try as hard as you can not to elbow bouncers that piss you off in the nut sack.

"life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans." -john lennon