cows

a cow eating ice cream

today we read an article entitled "Ice cream...From cows to kids" in my class. it ended up being one of the many funny discussions i've had with a group of 5 year olds. here goes...so i start by reading the title and one child immediately raises his hand and asks..."so cows make ice cream? do they also make popcicles and ice cream sandwiches?...because I like those, too." i laughed. no, they don't, but we will get into that....i turn the page. 

page 1. "the farmer milks the cow." there is a picture of a farmer milking a cow. one little girl's hand shoots up and she says, (eyes wide as hell) "wowowo, where is the milk coming out of?!" (the farmer has has a firm grip on the cow's milk jugs.) i explained that the part of the cow where the milk comes out is called an udder and all girl (female) cows have them. immediately after this, a little boy raises his hand and says, "are you sure only girl cows have them? because it kinda looks like this...." (pointing to his crotch). oh, christ. here we go. no, kid, that large nipple is not a weiner. (i just shook my head.) "well if it's not a weiner then where do they pee out of!?" (i'm in deep now...i should abort.) i clarified that they have other parts that they use to go to the bathroom. "like a butt?! cause i have a butt!" giggles all around. (yes, like a butt...i'm turning the page now....)

page 2. "the milk then goes by truck to the factory." ten hands shoot up. one child says,"an ice cream factory?! a whole factory...for ice cream?!" yes. a whole. factory. for. ice. cream. (many ooosss and ahhhhsss at this point...best thing they heard all day. i tried to act excited, but my enthusiasm was waning due to the previous 'udders gone bad' part of the chat...)

page 3. "the workers add sugar to the milk, put it in cups and place it in the freezer." another slew of hands fly in the air..."so ice cream is just sugar and milk? i think i'll make that when i get home." lots of nods in agreeance. (at this point...we were about 20 minutes deep in the ice cream discussion...i decided to not say there were lots of other steps involved and went with, "sure! try it! see what happens!" i was thinking...drive your parents crazy with that one. you know at least one will go home and try it and say..."butttt mommmm the booookkk saiiddddd that iffffff i addddd suuuggarrr to milkkkkk it will turnnnn into ice creammmmmm." not my problem at that point. they are all yours, parents...your turn to explain.)

page 4. "the kids eat the ice cream." one of my favorites says, "now wait..." (i have my hand on my head at this point...and i am in desperate need of a beer.) "so how exactly do they get chocolate and strawberry ice cream from plain milk." another student yells out (matter of factly), "well there are chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla COWS...!!!!" a bunch of kids nod their heads. "yep, and some cows are brown, and some cows are pink...." i exclaimed, "holy smokes, now where have you ever seen a pink cow? the pink cow farm? seriously?" they all started laughing, and probably could tell i was at the end of my rope at this point. (they were correct with this assumption...as my ten minute (4 page) article turned into a FORTY minute discussion on cows and flippin' ice cream.)

at the end of the discussion (that i was very grateful was almost over...), i asked the kids if anyone could give me a summary of the story. i called on one student and he responds, "so...there are cows, and they make milk and people add sugar to it to make ice cream....and we eat it...and the thing that the milk comes out of on a cow is called a GUTTER." (close enough...for the love of god, let's move on...)  

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."  
-Ben Franklin