crazy

monday: the week started ass backwards because we were out of town last weekend. saturday and sunday are usually spent cleaning and preparing for the week, and since i didn't have that time...my house looks like a cyclone hit it and i felt like i was running 32 steps behind. anyways, the week started with me running around monday morning like a horse's ass, trying to get the kids packed for the sitter.

i got through the day (with the help of my friend caffeine), picked the kids up at the sitter, came home...and that's when miss carrie proceeded to choke on a LEAF that the dog had drug in from outside. she was playing on the floor while i was making dinner and i heard her coughing, so i went out in the room, panicked...and pulled an entire brown leaf out of her mouth/throat. she is at the stage where everything goes in her chops. she will find the ONE thing in the room she isn't supposed to have (ie/ a leaf) and shove it in her mouth. (aye.) shortly after this, ella threw a tantrum because i told her she had to sit and eat dinner with butch and i and she said, "i not like you." (oh. well do you like a time out? cause that's where you are headed.) i said, "you don't have to like me, but you do have to eat with me...get out here." she then fell limp on the floor and laid there face down...like i shot her. i've been having issues lately with disciplining...like i can't stop laughing when i am doing it. i can't help it, she's super funny...and then i have to turn around and muffle my laughter. she got over it after a while and joined us, but the whole tantrum took about 10 minutes of my life i would like to have back. 

tuesday: we were on the way to the sitters in the morning and ella sneezed a violent sneeze in the back seat. i said, "bless you!" and she then yelled...."oH NOOOO my boogies everywhere." (cripes. too early for this.) i told her at the next stop light i would get her a tissue out of the glove box. so we stopped a few minutes later, i reached over, got out a tissue (dunkin donuts napkin), turned around and said, "do you still need this?" she said, "no..." i replied, "well where did the boogies go!?" she said..."oh...my just use my hand." (oh gees.) carrie also pulled some scams in the middle of the night on tuesday...i went in after i heard cries and she was STARING AT ME over the rungs of the crib. may not sound like a big deal, but before this, she never stood up in her crib (nor was the matress ever lowered) so she startled me big time. i walked in there about 2:30am, with one eye open and nearly shat myself when we made eye contact. (i gasped.) she was crying for a bottle, but i also believe she was crying because she stood up and didn't know how to get back down. (i love when babies learn to do new things and then proceed to practice them at awesome times...like the middle of the night.) add "lower crib" to the to do list warren.

wednesday: butch had to work late this night and after work, ella and i had a potty stand off. this is what happened...i came upstairs to change out of my work skirt and ella walked in. she proceeded to say, "ooooo, i like your underwearssss!!" i said, "do you want to wear some of your own underwearS?" she said yes. (finally!) so after i got dressed i went over to her room and got out some spankin' new dora (which she calls dory) underwears. she put them on. then stared at me. and said, "um, i gotta poop."(like seconds later.) so we rushed over to the bathroom and i held her on the big potty. (this was after a 5 minute debate of whether or not she wanted to go on her potty, or the big potty.) she sat there (with me holding her), for about 5 minutes. (no poop.) so she gets off the potty, pulls up her underwears. stares at me and says (you guessed it.) "ummm...i gotta poop." this charade went on for about a half an hour...and what could i do?! i didn't want her to shit in her dory drawers, but i didn't have an hour to assist her on the pot. so, i decided to compromise and take her potty downstairs and let her sit on it in the living room, while i made dinner. here's a visual:

carrie was in her exersaucer staring at her sister like she had lost her mind. (she does this often.) i had to crate penelope because she kept walking by and licking ella, who would scream because she couldn't do anything about it. she sat there for at least FORTY minutes...and not one turd. she had a minor meltdown when i made her get off the potty to eat dinner, because she swore her, "poop was comin' out." (her words.) it was excellent dinner conversation. later that night, fen came over to roll halupkis for our upcoming pocono polish weekend. (booze, polish food, and snow. all good things.) she blew threw the door in a trench coat with the hood up...pulling an oversized cooler and about 48 heads of cabbage hanging over her arm in sack. it was about 8pm at this point, and i had just sat down on the couch. i shot right back to up roll some polish delicacies. at about 9:30pm, warren sauntered in the door after his long day of work (he had an open house after school)...fen and i were still in the kitchen (rolling) and he had a bouquet of flowers. i said, "what's with the flowers?" he said...tomorrow is valentine's day. i said, "but you hardly ever get me flowers." he said (dead serious), "i expect sexual favors in return." (is this really happening?! who says that!") fen was flabbergasted, i made a 'seriously!?' face, and then butch started laughing his ass off. nothing says i love you and please screw me...like a bouquet of flowers that your husband got at the check out line in food lion. (and of COURSE they were on sale...discount or die for that guy.)

thursday: the day started without any issues from my own two chickadees, but when i got to school i braced myself for the pandemonium that i knew was going to ensue. any day that is not a "normal" day at school goes pretty smoothly at this point in the year...however, if you throw in a holiday (such as valentine's day), all bets are off. cupcakes and craziness galore. my class was bonkers most of the day, and by lunchtime i thought that maybe a trip to chucky cheese would be more enjoyable. after the last cupcake was served, i hightailed it outta there and went to the gym. i pounded out 5 miles on the treadmill and felt awesome when i left. i got home and butch had just gotten in with the kids...carrie was on the floor playing (probably looking for more leaves) and ella ran over and gave me a hug. she then said, "EWW mommy, you all fetty!!!" i said, "yes, i'm sweaty because i was running." (don't judge me kid, you wiped a nose full of boogers off your face with your hand.) after dinner, two loads of laundry, cleaning a bathroom, vacuuming upstairs and downstairs, packing the kids up for the weekend, bathtime, bedtime, and making a huge pan of halushki (also polish)...i sat down on the couch with a glass of wine. i turned to look at butch and thought, if you want to cash in those food lion flowers right now...i very may well kick you in the dick. he said, "wanna watch a dateline?" (we do this often...watch DVR'd episodes of datelines, that is.) nothing says happy valentine's day like watching a real life murder mystery. afterwards, we were in bed by 10pm. (we. are. old.) (for more on my valentine's day thoughts...click here love)

friday: and so...now we come to friday. (TGI mother effing F.) this weekend, butch and i will be spending our time with 12 of our craziest friends in the poconos for "polish day". (a holiday fen made up a few years ago. see polish day for more details.) the last time we were away from our children over night was SIX months ago...for a wedding. this shit happens very rarely, and whenever it does...i get SUPER excited. taking care of little people around the clock is rewarding, yet...extremely EXHAUSTING. (any mother can relate.) to have a few days where i don't have to think about princesses or poop is so very awesome. i plan on slamming beers, laughing, and enjoying my friends. (like old times...except i'll probably be thinking about my kids periodically and wondering what they are doing.) one of my friends called this week and asked me if i knew what the, "sleeping situation" (ie/air mattresses vs. beds) was at the house we are going to. i replied that i hadn't even thought about it and if have to sleep in the bathtub with a shampoo bottle as a pillow, i'd be happy. (he laughed, but i was dead serious.) all i know is...i don't have to wake up in the middle of the night with an infant, nor do i have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn either...for two whole nights and two whole mornings. (yeeeeeehawww.) 

this week has been completely crazy. (more so than other weeks) and i am thankful for the much needed break (ie/parental vacation) this weekend. however, i will still miss my children terribly...i know this as well. i've also concluded with the amount of kielbasa, halupkis, periogies, mac & cheese, halushki, and beer i'm going to consume...i'm going to pack on a few pocono pounds. (i've accepted this fact and moved on. bring on the beer and 'basa, baby.) cheers to the weekend...the poconos, polish food...and shampoo bottles as pillows.