batman

god made babies this cute for one reason and one reason only...so you don't hate them. (don't laugh, i'm serious.) i am at my very wits end of this whole waking up in the middle of the night thing. carrie is almost 9 months, and she is still not consistently sleeping through the night. (still.) nine months of feeling like the walking dead. nine months of being highly emotional due to lack of sleep. nine months of feeling like caffeine is the only answer to sanity. (nine months.) the thing is...she's a baby. she does whatever the hell she wants. she doesn't give a hoot if i'm tired or not. she has basic needs...food, sleep, and crappin' her pants. (in no particular order.) that's about it. oh...and she needs love, too. i'm willing to love her right now...but godamnit, i don't have to like her.

i enjoy how everyday is like a motherhood math equation to try figure out how i can get her to sleep all night. for example, if she sleeps for 2 hours at nap time, has a bottle at 4, has gerber food at dinner, cereal before bed, and then a bottle...SURELY she'll sleep. (nope, just kiddin.) so then it's back to the drawing board...like albert infant einstein. okay, so i'll feed her at 5, give her a bath at 7, give her 8oz at bedtime, another at 9pm...and THEN she'll sleep? (nope, jokes on me.) and everyone and their mother (literally) has advice on how to make a baby sleep through the night...and although i appreciate the advice, i'll go back to the point that she is a baby. (she does whatever. the. hell. she. wants.) i've tried everything...i mean, wouldn't you? my particular favorite was the "cry it out" method, when she (and her lungs) then also woke up ella...so it was 4am and i not only had a baby awake, i had a toddler awake as well. (that was extra fun.)

it's partly my fault that this responsibility falls on me, and solely me. i've stated before that you could drive a bulldozer through our bedroom and butch wouldn't bat an eye. he and his ballsack are sound asleep as soon as they hit the bed. i, on the other hand, have become a light sleeper since having kids...because i'm like a mommy ninja. (insert air karate chop.) any noise startles me awake, and i'm at the ready for any toddler or baby emergency. actually, i'm like a braless baby batman. the thing is, if i asked butch to wake up and feed carrie in the middle of the night, he would. however, when i ask him to do these types of things...he acts as if i'm asking him to donate his left testicle to science. (i kid you not.) when i told him this morning that i had "had it" with waking up in the middle of the night...he suggested that there must be something wrong with carrie and i should probably take her to the doctor. (good one.)

so this is just another chapter i will add to my "shit they don't tell you in the other parenting books" memoire. chapter 103: nine months after you give birth, your baby may still not be sleeping through the night, suck it up buttercup. i remember (vaguely) it was this way with ella too, and just when i was about to (seriously) lose my shit...she started sleeping through the night. (oh, and then a month later she started teething. joy.) for the love of all things holy, this kid...this extra cute chubby cherub, better start sleeping through the night. soon. either that, or this braless baby batman is going to fly away to barbados and never come back. good riddance and a good night of sleep...please and thank you. the end.