bastard

so last night was my 100th night in a row of interrupted sleep. (yes, interrupted.) i knew that i wanted to include how long it's been since i've slept soundly in this post, so i googled it...and it was exactly 100 nights. (weird.) anyway, 100 nights since the unicorn has graced us with her presence...i have to say, though, that i am on the brink of losing my mind, waking up in the middle of the night (every night) for a feeding. when i lay my head down on the pillow in the evening, i know damn well that in a few hours she will be squawking. now let me say, she is only getting up 1-2 times in a night (from 7pm-6am)...but lord have mercy it's still a pain in the ass. i am solely responsible for this duty, and i guess i've taken it on for many reasons.

obviously, when carrie was first born and a couple months after, butch couldn't help out with this task...because he lacked breasts. now that i'm done with the breastfeeding business, i've adopted this duty afterwards for a few reasons. when we tried to make it a shared effort and it was "his turn" there was no sense of urgency to his movement in the middle of the night. first of all, he wouldn't hear her wake up...so i would hear her, then wake him up. then, he would get up, put on shorts, take a piss, scratch his ass, get a drink, make his side of the bed, feed the dog, check his email....and then go feed her. alright, i'm exaggerating, but it was a long, drawn out affair. by that point, she was screaming her head off and i was awake anyway...defeating the whole purpose of "his turn." when i asked him why it took so long to get to her he said, "jesus, trish! i'm just waking up out of a dead sleep...i need some time!" (men. uh, ok...i'll just do it.) and so i've done it...every night for 100 nights. (well, 99 actually, because i was away for one night in PA.) recently butch said, "if i was the only one responsible for waking up with a kid every night to feed it, it would be one skinny little bastard." (i can't make this shit up.)

so anyway, truth be told...i'm tired. tired as hell. all the time. however, i do think your body gets used to not ever getting a full nights rest, so you run on auto pilot most of the time. i will say, though, that if i don't have my morning coffee...i feel like i can't function. my motor skills just. don't. work. thank the lord for god's sweet brown caffeine nectar. i wish i could pump that shit straight into my veins in the morning. (i know i'm not the only one...so don't judge me, people.) anyway, after my cuppa joe on the way to work i start to feel semi-human...enough to be a productive member of society at least. i usually hit a slump around 2pm, when i charge up with a diet coke...and then plow through until about 9pm. yes, by 9pm i am usually crawling into bed, ready to fall asleep (and wake up in the middle of the night) and do it all again. i know that technically i signed up with this by having kids in the first place and i know it won't be like this for long, but it still sucks! when people say, "believe me...you will miss this!" i want to punch them in the jugular.

however, maybe i will miss this?...motherhood is like that, it blindsides you with stupid emotional feelings that don't make sense half of the time. i wake up (if you can even say that) most mornings feeling like an axe murderer, but then ella will smile and tell me she loves me and just like that... i'm back in the game. carrie giggled yesterday morning for the first time, and i realized again what an awesome adventure motherhood is. it truly the little things. also, thank god these little people are so darn cute. the big guy in the sky surely did that on purpose, he knew what the hell he was doing. this all being said, i will not miss the lack of sleep tonight...my friend fen and i are heading to the beach for the day and evening. (one of my most favorite places.) butch is leaving next weekend (all weekend) for a bachelor party, (if you haven't read bachelor, you should.) and i decided that a night away is well deserved, and much needed. i got a text at 7:30am from fen that stated, "omg i just backed over chris's mailbox." (excellent.) chris is her boyfriend. butch then got a text from chris an hour later that said, "guess who backed over my mailbox?"he included this picture:

fen was supposed to drive to the beach. needless to say, i'm pretty sure it's safer if i take the wheel. we leave today around noon and i can't. friggen. wait. i was feeding carrie upstairs before i came downstairs this morning, and i walked into the living room to see ella watching cartoons and eating a massive bowl of CHIPS for breakfast. i said, "who gave you chips for breakfast!?" she smirked and said, "um, daddy did." (he heard me and was laughing his ass off in the kitchen.) while making coffee, he then said, "i really hope you enjoy your vacation!"(sarcasm is the language of love in our household.) i said, "oh, i will. and it's one night, so just relax." he then said, "men are not cut out for this shit trish! men are not born and bred to take care of children...you don't need to go away to know that i appreciate you. i'll tell you everyday that i appreciate everything i do, if you don't go away like this!" (omg. easy drama queen.) so, i'm ready to hit the road for the second night out of 100 nights...to actually have some time for myself. i'm pumped. (butch, not so much.) if it means my oldest eats chips for breakfast, then so be it. however...i do hope that carrie is not a skinny little bastard when i get home.