december

so here we are in the middle of december and i really don't know where the past year has gone. i was recently at a birthday party for a friend's kid and she said, "so why haven't you been writing lately!?" i remarked that since graduate school has ended i really don't feel like writing anything. ever again. (ever.) it's not that it sucked the fun out of writing, it is just nice not being behind the laptop talking about literacy and it's many facets. in the meantime, there have been several things that have happened that have been quite funny in my world that i would like to share with you. first of all, yesterday morning, for example, i rolled over before the sun shone her shiny face and did what most people do when they wake up...i grabbed my phone off of the nightstand to take a little looksee before i had to face the day. lo and behold, i had a snapchat notification (yes, we use this app like 14 year old girls) from my best friend fen. i realized that she must've sent it at like 4:44am, which was mad friggen early to be snapping pictures of, well, anything. so i rubbed my eyeballs and then hit the red square cautiously. (if you are unfamiliar with snapchat, search the google.) what i saw was nothing short of amazing. one question: if a 9 foot christmas tree (that originally took 3 days to decorate) falls in a living room...will your fiance be the first one to hear it? the answer to that question is yes...he shot out of bed like a bullet, wide-eyed, and woke her the hell up.

i'm not surprised by stuff that happens to her anymore, cause there is a long laundry list of lemony snicket's series of unfortunate events in her life. for example, around halloween she called me (screaming) from her car and said that she thought someone had broken into her house...because there was loud music playing and the lights were left on. she went on to say she wasn't sure if the intruder was still in there. (whaaat?!) i asked her if the door was unlocked and she said no, "but brad paisley was singing sweet nothings loudly" and she wasn't sure why. she was sure someone was hiding in a closet waiting to off her with a carving knife and bury her in the backyard. i told her to go the hell inside because her roommate probably just left the tv on prior to leaving for work (she did.). she made me stay on the phone with her the whole time...like a lifetime movie gone wrong. (what are best friends for?) turns out no one was in there except for the monsters under her bed and the country singer slash stabber. (nice.) so after i saw the snapchat of the tree, i had to get my shit together. i then sauntered (more like old lady walked) into the bathroom and my husband was there. we don't say too much to each other in the morning and i'm okay with that. i have a hard time making words, let alone sentences, at that hour.

however, when i began to brush my teeth, i was bent over the sink and proceeded to spew toothpaste out of my mouth and all over the mirror...in a fit of laughter. i don't know what it was about that goddamn christmas tree, but when i got to thinking about it (timberrrrr!)...i couldn't stop laughing. he ran into the bathroom and yelled, 'WHAT!?' i grabbed my phone, pulled up the screenshot and said, "one guess who this happened to." without missing a beat...he said fen. there are so many things i love about the holidays, but trees that fall in a living room of a house in the middle of the night with no pets or children involved is one of my favorites. another favorite is the introduction of both my household elf on the shelf and my classroom elf. there are so many people that are so cynical about the damn thing, but let me try to explain it to you. take your average child under the age of ten and think about how excited they are about...anything. kids get excited about EVERYTHING. so take that and then add the month of december...where kids have to wrap their brains around the fact that a jolly fat guy in a red suit is going to bring them presents for (seemingly) no reason at all except for them "being good." you know what happens? they lose their little minds.

most children, in the month of december, lose their minds. so enter the elf. yes, the book that accompanies him states that he travels back to santa to report what he saw during the day and stuff...but do you know what the elf actually does? he brings the spirit of christmas right into your home or (also) in my case, classroom. it really is magical. and fun. and when people that get all wound up in a negative way about that elf...it makes me want to throat punch them. (happy holidays!) most of these naysayers are not around little people for the most part and don't quite "get it." i dare these scrooges to come into my school for a minute each morning when my kindergartners fire into the classroom like they have been shot out of a cannon. they are so (SO!) excited to see where the elf has "landed" from the night before...and their conversations about him are even better. my own kids hunt around in the morning looking for our home elf "snowflake" and carrie usually claps and squeals when she sees her...ella's eyes light up and i usually need a defibrillator to resuscitate my heart. (so there.) i have gotten away from posing him/her in 328 different positions, cause i've realize that just the fact that it has "magically" moved from one place to another is enough in the eyes of a child.

warren has also been wayyyy wound up about the holidays this year...and has decided to griswold the front of the house again. instead of using staples like clark, he used tacks this time. i didn't know what i was going on...until i went outside and it looked like jolly st. nick took puke on the cedar shakes. (colored lights a plenty.) he's also back in the coupon game and told me that he wants to convert carries bedroom into his "couponing room." i said, "let's not and say we did." (ps. this is a classic quote that my dad always said growing up) he replied with, "you're not letting my coupon skills flourish. they are being bottled up!" (if you don't believe me i'll show you the text.) he gets real passionate about shit like colored lights and coupons and sometimes i don't have the energy to be his cheerleader in that regard. however, when my family was here, they were alllllll about egging him on about both the colored lights (my dad suggested adding candy canes) and the coupons (my mom got wayyyy excited about the free toothpaste) so later on yesterday morning, when i was still laughing about the tree falling down, i got another snapchat from fen...sending me into a another fit of laughter. i was sitting at my desk at lunchtime and thought, will this nonsense ever end with her? she's balls deep in wedding planning and i'm along for the ride...i can't imagine what fun stuff is around the bend. meanwhile, if you can't get into the holiday spirit...you are more than welcome to come to my house, my classroom, or even fen's to see the previously fallen tree. go hard or go home is my motto this time of year...otherwise, you are just missing out. man i love the holidays.

masters

so someone recently said to me, "you are great at writing...so your masters program must've been easy for you!" (excuse me?) first of all, writing for pleasure and writing a paper are two totally different things. i mean, most times, i don't even use capitalization for christsake...this is far from "scholarly" writing. secondly, do you know who i live with? the offspring that inhibit my house made my masters program seem far from a walk in the park. for example, do you know what it's like when you are a parent and you try to get on the phone? the house can be silent, but as soon as you put that device to your ear to call someone...barnum and bailey suddenly set up shop and your house becomes a legitimate circus. ("can't you see i'm on the PHONE!?!?") well, the same thing happens when you are trying to read a passage or write a paper. it seemed as soon as i opened the laptop...all hell would break lose. laptop closed: kids playing quietly in the next room. laptop open: one kid flushing a toy down the toilet and the other one trying to reinsert herself in my vagina. (you get the point.) i will say that my husband was good about giving me time to get shit done, but sometimes he would get sidetracked with things like couponing and his efforts to control them would fall short.

that brings me to my next topic...butch's coupon game has been strong lately. (joy.) he took a brief hiatus for a while, but he's back. since he's head of the newspaper club at his school, he somehow worked it out that they deliver sunday papers to him in great numbers...coupons and all. in the past month, he has added 12 jugs of laundry detergent, numerous bottles of body wash, and approximately 46 tubes of toothpaste to his hoard. (no bullshit.) he's like a dentistry ghandi when friends come over and passes out crest like candy on halloween. we had a new guest in our house prior to a penn state tailgate and he said, "do you need some toothpaste!?" she said, "well i saw all of that in the bathroom and was going to say something....what the ?!??" (what the ?!?? indeed.) she accepted his offering and then laughed. people think i make this shit up, but it really happens. he sent another set of friends home with a care package filled with his latest treasures. fen recently had a birthday and her gift bag was overflowing with fun things like laundry detergent. the list goes on. i recently told him i needed some new makeup and he said i "better not" buy it full price because he can get it for "free." (for the love of...) he tries to suck me into his couponing ways, but i cannot be swayed.

i do not lie.

now that i'm done my masters, i feel like i need to get a new hobby. (not couponing.) it really wasn't "hard" per se...but it did take a lot (A LOT) of time. having a full time job and a family, and just life in general...there are 2341 things i would have rather been doing with my time then writing another paper each weekend. do i think that having this makes me a better teacher? well, maybe in some ways...but i have to say i am a little frightened about where education is heading. (hear me out.) in the month of october, i spent one day out of each week testing my kids. i was out of the classroom and that instructional time was lost...all in the name of data. not to mention a plethora of other crap things i have to write up to hold me "accountable." (hello SLOs.) teaching isn't teaching anymore...it's turning into a data driven profession...proposed by people who have never set foot in a classroom. (it's sad.) so anyway, after getting word that i "passed" and was done this week...i was happy, but i was generally overwhelmed by other stuff. the weather was beautiful that day and i decided to take part of our science time to go outside and teach the kids...how to properly roll down a grassy hill. did you ever watch a kid do this?! it's pretty awesome. their joy that day became my joy and i needed that moment to remember why i became a teacher in the first place. (the kids.) afterwards, they ran around in the sun and they were all smiles. (so was i.)

so i woke up this morning and was overjoyed that i didn't have to do any "scholarly" writing today. my three year old tapped me tenderly in the eye socket and as i slowly opened my eyes...she asked me to blow up a balloon. if you have ever questioned whether you want to be a parent or not...ask yourself if you can muster up the energy at 5:17am to blow up a goddamn balloon. my first activity of the day and i had to channel my inner bozo. i mean, don't let me sway you one way or the other, but then my 5 year old came downstairs wearing only underpants and asked me if she could have halloween candy for breakfast. (no.) that being said...they are both snuggled up to me now on the couch watching cartoons and my coffee is nearby. they are being awfully quiet even though the laptop is open, because somehow they know i'm not writing anything for grad school...kids know things they shouldn't know. case in point, every single day this week i had to shake them awake to get up for school...but here were are at saturday and carrie came over even earlier and inserted her finger in my eye socket. (how do they KNOW!?) now that i am officially finished my masters program, my husband has announced that he is thinking about going back to school for...his doctorate. (DR. BUTCH.) i'll give you a few days for you to wrap your head around that. until next time, bozo the balloon making clown...over and out.

fable

so here we are and the school year is in full swing. the beginning of the academic year is equivalent to a brain aneurysm to some extent, mainly because it's just really busy. however, once you get your rules, procedures, and routines down you are ready to roll. let me start by saying one of my main goals in the first month is to create a culture of learning and climate of kindness in my classroom. it's not always an easy task, but it can be done. i want children to know that my classroom is a safe place where they can learn, grow, and interact with me...and with one another. i want them to have fun and be friends. i believe the best kind of learning happens in this type of environment. don't get me wrong, it's not always unicorns and rainbows and there are arguments and altercations occasionally, but for the most part...my classroom is a warm, inviting place to be. that all being said, yesterday at snack time, one little guy in my classroom walked up to another little girl and called her the "f" word. he called her "fat." (oof.) it was unprovoked, out of the blue, and totally uncalled for. the little girl that the remark was directed to is, in fact, a plumper gal, wears glasses, and is a bit quirky. she excels at art and loves to act. she's an old soul in a lot of ways, has a wicked sense of humor (she's one of my favorites, naturally) and when this was said, she looked directly at me and her sad eyes said, "help." my heart sunk.

in these moments, it takes everything in my being not to wig out. i wanted to be an advocate for this sweet natured, kind-hearted, little girl, but i also had to keep the other child's best interest at heart. i know, for instance, that he has an absent father and lots of older brothers and sisters. he is also a child that has anger issues and sometimes when he makes a mistake and i correct him, he hits himself in the head over and over. so i gently called him back to my desk and asked him why he would say something unkind to this little girl to intentionally hurt her feelings. he shrugged his shoulders. i went on to ask him if he would say something like that to me (his teacher) to intentionally hurt my feelings. he said no (and looked mortified.) i explained that we all treat each other with respect in our classroom community. i respect him just as much as he should respect me. also, that there is mutual respect between all students. he nodded his head. many times, i think people don't respect children and then they don't get the respect from them that they deserve. i respect these little people for who they are and i respect them for who they will be someday. in return, they most always give me their respect (and that is so important.) realizing what he had said hurt this little girl, he walked up and apologized. he then sat down and everyone was just thoughtfully munching on their snack. the little girl heard some of the conversation i had with him and she just looked at me and smiled afterward. her eyes said thank you. (that's all i needed.)

so fast forward to today, we read the story 'the tortoise and the hare.' if you don't know this one, you've been living under a rock the past 234 years. cliff notes version, the tortoise is quiet and kind and the hare is flashy and rude. the hare challenges the tortoise to a race and expects to win. however, he gets distracted along the way, mainly because he is arrogant and thinks he will most definitely win. however, in the end, the tortoise wins due to his perseverance. sometimes when we read a story, we also act it out. it's a great way for students to recall and retell information (in a fun way). as i was sitting there, i thought about the incident from the day before...and then chose the little girl to be the tortoise and the little boy to be the hare. my selection was intentional and deliberate, but they (nor the rest of the class) didn't know that. they got up to the "starting line" and there were two kids on the other side of the room with a piece of yarn i whipped out of my desk as the finish line. i showed them the "race course" around the room and we all yelled, "ready, set, go!!" to start it off. the little girl slowly went off the line and plodded along. the little boy took off like he was run by a set of double D batteries. as part of the act he got "distracted" by sam the squirrel (another little boy with the energy of a legit squirrel) and let the tortoise pass him. before he knew it, she was crossing the finish line. every single child in my classroom was cheering mercilessly for this little girl as she went through the yarn finish line! the joy in her face was worth every minute it took to act out that story. however, it was when the little boy walked up and put his arm around her and said, "good job!" at the end, is what really got me. i don't know if he was acting the part or came out of character for that one, but it was awesome.

this all being said, this was a teachable moment that came to me off the cuff. i remembered an incident, intentionally picked the actors, and made a meaningful lesson for everyone (including myself.) parents need to remember that these little moments happen a hundred times a day and tell a whole lot more than that little worksheet your kid is bringing home. most teachers have your children's interest at best heart and work to help them become better human beings. most of all, we all make mistakes (i make a lot). this kid made a mistake by being mean spirited to someone that did not deserve it (it made my heart hurt), but in the end he learned from it with the help and guidance of someone who respected and cared for him. furthermore, i know that this little girl will probably go on to do big things. she might be teased throughout school, but hopefully she has teachers who will be her advocate along the way. eventually, she will be the last one laughing when she's riding around hollywood in her fancy car and paying no mind to the naysayers. (you go girl). the moral of the story the tortoise and the hare is "slow and steady wins the race." after we acted it out, we talked about how when we are faced with something really hard to do, if we stick to it...we will get the job done eventually. had my father written this fable, the moral would be, "suck it up." (i hear his voice in my head often.) the kids called out things that were difficult for them, but with persistence they did it. the monkey bars, reading a book, and learning to ride a bike were at the top of the list. i am fortunate to spend my days with kids who sometimes teach me far more than i teach them. however, if they come of out kindergarten simply remembering that kindness always wins...everyone's a winner. including me.

traps

so i just wanna know one thing...are my kids the only ones that set legitimate booby traps throughout the house? i mean look at this thing i stumbled upon at the top of the steps last night! to set a visual, i had a large pile of folded laundry in my arms and therefore wasn't looking down while walking up the stairs. (eyes obscured by shirts, pants, and such.) low and behold when i reached the precipice, i stepped directly on approximately 32 legos...amongst other treasures and trinkets. i will not divulge the expletives that escaped my mouth in that moment, but i sounded like a trucker. my kids were happily playing downstairs (building other booby traps) upon my melody ala bad words, but after i pulled the last lego out of my foot i yelled down, "WHICH ONE OF YOU LEFT ALL THIS STUFF AT THE TOP OF THE STEPS!?!" there was silence from below and then ella yelled, "CARRIE did!" right after that carrie yelled, "ELLA did!" oh good...now we need to play out an episode of judge judy to see who is at fault here. instead of practicing my lawyer skills, i put down the laundry in one of our bedrooms and cleaned up the lego landmine. i will say this doesn't beat the time i turned on the garbage disposal, only to have the explosive sound only a golf ball can make, backfire out of it. that's right, one of the two little people i live with plopped a golf ball in the sink one time, which went into the garbage disposal. (i unknowingly turned it on.) these toddler built booby traps sure beat anything that i ever saw on the goonies.

so anyway, as i was dealing with all that, my husband went on the facebook and posted the this pic:

when i saw it, my first thought was, "i feel really bad for you and your 11 hour day, as you are alone in the car with a starbucks and i am at the house breaking up a fight about a fake horse." my first thought was that, and that's exactly what i texted him upon seeing that picture. (oh yes i did.) alas, right before he posted that gem, there were screams galore, because both kids wanted to ride a toddler sized pony we have. they both wanted to ride that pony at the exact same instant in time, because clearly we do not have any other toys at all in the house that were suitable to play with in that moment. geoffrey the giraffe from toys r us took a huge dump of treasures in every room, but let's fight over one toy in this moment. (let's.) so i quickly went from "please share..." to "if you don't share i'm taking it away..." to "THAT'S IT I'M TAKING THE HORSE AND NO ONE GETS IT!" i hid the horse in my walk in closet and shut the door. (now no one is happy, including me. awesome.) after some tears, they wandered off to find something else to fight about. it might have been one (one) lego, or one (one) puzzle piece, or one (one) random shoe box. don't get me wrong, my kids play pretty nicely together, but sometimes when they are taking breaks from making booby traps, they want to play with one specific thing at the same time and it doesn't work out for anyone involved. (including the fake pony who is currently stashed in my closet.)

i didn't receive a text back from my husband, as he knew he hit a chord with me. in that day, i was super exhausted cause carrie was up the whole night before with an awful cough. i had to call off work to take her to the doctor, in the meantime getting ella up, dressed, and fed for school. he had to work late that night, so after administering medicine and caring for her all day (she also refused to nap, too!), i then had to pick up ella, make dinner, do homework, give baths, and do bedtime solo. so would i rather be sitting in my car sipping a starbucks, listening to music, while waiting for an open house at my school to begin? why yes, warren, yes i would. truth be told, if the tides were turned and he was at home dealing with sickness, booby traps, and fights over a fake horse...he'd be losing his mind. i'd be getting texts about how crazy they are and asking me why we ever reproduced in the first place. had he stepped on that treat at the top of the steps instead of me i would have come home to trash bags on the front porch filled with toys, including the contents of the lego landmine. furthermore, that pony would have been put out in the middle of the street to be hit by oncoming traffic. okay, so maybe i'm being a little extreme...but he wouldn't have dealt with it the same way i did. (men are so different).

so after a full week of my kids tag teaming sickness, i'm kinda spent. when my kids are sick, it makes me thankful that they are usually well most of the year. anyone that has to deal (or has dealt with) sick kids knows that it is far from a cup of tea. actually, it's more like a cup of whiskey. (it's hard. really hard.) hopefully this isn't the precursor to a horrible winter of illnesses, cause that would suck. as my husband sauntered in the door later that night sans starbucks, i told him that i was thinking about getting rid of a lot of the baby stuff we have around the house (feeding seats, bathtubs, boppys..baby stuff). he eyeballed me and said, "i think that's a very good idea." he didn't ask how the kids were that day/evening , cause he already knew about the fake horse (amongst other things) and didn't want me to get wound up about it again. i sat there sipping my cabernet sauvignon quietly on the couch, praying for no late night wake up calls from either offspring due to sickness. shortly after, the wine made me warm, so i went upstairs to get a short sleeve shirt. upon whipping open my closet door, an unfamiliar object was staring at me with beady eyes. (what the hell!?!?) i screamed...loudly. and then realized it was the damn horse. i was startled by the pony i had put in there...a subsequent booby trap caused by my own hand (damnit.) if i would've woken up my kids up in that moment, that horse would've been out on the street faster than you can say seabiscuit. shortly after you would've found me alone in my car sipping starbucks, holding a one way ticket to batshit crazyville. anyways, stay tuned...there's always next week.

winning

so i haven't been able to write lately, cause i am in the home stretch of my masters degree. (holy hell.) i had thought i was in a 16 month program up until a few weeks ago, and then got an email from a professor entitled, "welcome to your last course!" (wtf?) i was so confused, but realized that i had signed up for the accelerated program instead of the regular program and that's why i was losing my mind the whole time. who doesn't know how long their masters is going to take them? i'll tell you who...a crazy mother of two. anyways, i'm done in less than five weeks and can't wait, it has NOT been easy by any means this past year and i'm looking forward to some "free" time again. also, in the way of life...no one told me that as soon as i was done earning my doctorate in dirty diapers that i would swiftly move on to earning my masters in making lunches. mannnnnn i hate making lunches! it sounds like a simple chore, but what a pain in the dick it is! (truly.) i will say that now that both kids are successfully potty trained, i don't miss the dirty diaper part of parenthood. people told me i would miss that part...the poop part, and it just hasn't happened yet. in the past month, along with pooping independence, my second born has graduated from crib to big girl bed, from booster seat to a regular chair at dinner, and made her changing table obsolete. this sudden burst of independence...has made me inwardly sad. with ella, everything happened much slower. also, when she grew out of those phases i always knew that there would be another kid still being needy. carrie started preschool and took it upon herself to grow the hell up in one month. (i hate it.) no worries, she still does fun stuff like poop with a pirate patch on.

now that i'm back to work, things are happening at warp speed. the weeks are flying by and i'm not certain how to make it all slow down! it does feel good to be a productive member of society again, though. my kids at school are making my job excellent, as they are the best group i have had in 10 years. i know that i just jinxed myself but saying that, but i wanted to put it out there. it's refreshing when you can actually teach and not have to worry about behavior problems. one little guy on the first day looked at me very seriously and said, "i know we haven't known each other that long...but you are best friend." these are the little moments that stick with me always and make me love what i do. on ella's first day of kindergarten, i couldn't get out of work in the morning, so butch took her. i said that i would pick her up. so i wrote a little note in her folder and everything, letting the teacher know. well, the time came for me to leave early from school, my coworkers had my kindergarteners under control and one little boy looked up at me and said (grabbing himself), "i have to go to the bathhhhroooommm." so, i took him to the restroom and then ran (late) out the door. i hit major traffic, but when i got there 3 minutes late...i couldn't find ella. i went running past the office like a hooligan and the secretary ran out and said, "MA'AM! you need a PASS!" i mentally wigged out a little and went into the office. guess who was in there holding another secretaries hand? ella. i didn't even notice her as i was explaining to the other secretary frantically that i was 3 minutes late and couldn't find her. then i heard, "MOMMY?!" and whipped around to see her smiling at me. so that was the end of her first day. kindergarten teacher mom problems.

first day of school.

this next weekend we are heading up into the mountains of northern pennsylvania for one of my most favorite trips...to a place called chet's for "frontier days." seriously guys, it trumps childbirth in the life events category. i can't explain it fully other than there is a lot of flannel, a lot of american flags, and a lot of fun. plus, it's spent with a group of old friends and what is better than that? my parents have graciously decided to take care of laverne and shirley for the weekend, so we are kid free. when discussing this with ella she said, "why can't i go into the woods with you!?" i told her it's adults only. she said, "why cuz we will get lost and stuff?!" (yeah, let's go with that.) we don't have overnight sitters often, so when we do...we get wound up. last year, butch lost his cell phone riding a mechanical bull and i had an adverse reaction to copious amounts of alcohol and broke out in hives. (let's get wild.) so in conclusion, the past coupla months have been spent finishing up schooling, starting a new school year, new found independence for both kids, and me becoming a professional lunch maker. warren is still working out feverishly and whipping up potions like walter white in our pantry. (creatine and crap.) oh, and he's back on his coupon campaign as well. (yay.) i look forward to fall and all things that amazing season has to offer. i walked outside yesterday morning and the weather told me that boilo season is just around the bend. (better get the ball jars ready!) so basically with october beckoning...i will have my masters in reading and literacy under my belt, my doctorate in dirty diapers, and will also be currently working on my masters in making lunches. not to mention an associates in adult beverages hopefully earned this weekend. in the words of charlie sheen...i'm pretty sure i'm winning. i'll raise my pumpkin beer to that. 

fifteen

first of all, it's been fifteen years since we've graduated high school!? FIFTEEN YEARS!? back in the good old milennium year, i remember thinking about what my reunions would be like ten, fifteen, twenty years and beyond. i guess i never imagined that they would a. come so fast and b. i would be where i am today. at the 10 year reunion i tucked my dress into my underwear upon leaving the restroom and almost made it to the dance floor before someone told me. (classy, i know.) think about who you were when you graduated high school, what you thought your life would look like, what you wanted to "be" when you grew up. maybe you already knew those answers when you put on that cap and gown. (me? i wasn't so sure.) personally, although parts of high school were a smashing good time...it also kinda sucked. that period where we are trying to figure out ourselves and make sense of the world is difficult, and when you are trying to do that with a bunch of people that are going through the same thing...it's hard. putting a large group of hormonal teenagers with many different personalities together in one building and expecting a favorable outcome is like poking a bee hive and not expecting any bees to fly out. i can't image the impact that social media has played in the lives of now high schoolers. truth be told, i'm kinda glad we had landline phones, handwritten notes, and that things like ICQ were just emerging from the explosion of technology we have today.

however, i've been thinking recently a lot about the fact that social media has allowed me to keep in touch with former classmates and see where they are and what they are doing now. although i was not "friends" per se with these people in high school, i always wonder what everyone is up to. i love, LOVE people's stories (no matter who you are) and so social media has opened that book (so to speak). i share your joys (and sometimes your pain) and with a life that is literally super short...why not? when i tell new people how close i am to some of my classmates from high school, they kind of stare at me blankly like that's not even possible. however, i feel the loss of a fellow classmate in our junior year solidified those bonds. when jon died, his mom said something to me that stuck with me always. she said, "he will forever be seventeen. he won't graduate, he won't have a family, he won't grow old. he will always be seventeen in our hearts and minds. in some ways it's a gift, and in some ways it's a curse." therefore, as we flashforward more than 15 years, i still think about the man he would be today and who his friends would be. i wonder if he would've gone to college, gotten married, or had a family. i wonder if he would be a single bachelor and loving every minute of it. we don't know, nor will we ever know. (forever seventeen.)

i guess my point of this post is this. jon's death in high school shattered everything that i thought i knew in my safe little world. up until that point, i had lost no one that i truly remembered or knew personally. it changed the way i lived and changed the way felt about, well, everything. in college, i went through a particularly low point and much of it stemmed from never really dealing with grief and loss a few years before. as i overcame that, i realized what a gift it is to simply be alive. to laugh with the people we love. to meet new people and also enjoy the company of old friends. to simply...live. when people say, "life is short"...they aren't lying. the past fifteen years flew by faster than i could have even imagined. if you would've told me my senior year that i would be living and teaching in maryland, married to butchie (that was his high school nickname for those of you that don't know), and have two children i would have told you you were a liar...as i slugged back some lager from a can that i stole from my dad's stash. furthermore, many of our classmates have lost parents far too soon and i sympathize with them whole-heartedly. each day we have on this earth is a true gift, and if we don't give it our all...we are doing an injustice to not only ourselves, but to everybody.

on the eve of our fifteenth year class reunion, i want you to think about the relationships we had as teenagers and think about how far we've come since then. i want you to think about your story and what you've written for yourself over the years. quite honestly, whether you are married or divorced, single or spoken for, kidless or choc fulla offspring, employed or jobless...i really don't give a rats ass. all i know is fifteen years ago we survived 4 of the most awkward and trying times in our teenage lives and made it out on the other side. whoever those kids were back in high school and the relationships we shared (no matter how superficial)...they mattered. whether we were friends or not really doesn't matter either. what matters now is the way we treat each other, now that we all know better. we are all here to tell our stories and share in awkward conversation. (i live for awkward conversation.) if you are on the fence about showing up to the reunion, just come. hell, i didn't pay twenty bucks to hang out with fen and warren. (seriously.) may we raise our glasses to the teenagers we were and the adults (using that loosely) that we've become...also sharing in the memory of a classmate who won't be attending, but will most definitely be there in spirit. also, if i accidentally tuck my dress into my under garments, please kindly let me know before i hit the dance floor. let's party. 

folly

so my morning started when i rolled over to my three year old staring into my eyeballs, earnestly asking me to velcro up her princess gown that was on over her pajamas. then (while i still had one eye open) my husband told me he was going to run out to get a newspaper. a newspaper on a sunday can only mean one thing...coupons. his couponing addiction has fallen by the wayside since his most recent endeavor that includes wanting to look like arnold schwarzenegger. (workout city, man!) i mean, i am kinda happy about that though, because he was going nuts at one point and bringing home, like, polident by the truckload...and neither one of us wears dentures (i swear this is true.) so when he said he was going for the paper, i rolled my eyes, but didn't say much about it. he came back and started clipping and i asked him how he knew what were the best deals. he said (and i quote), "couponmom.com does all the math for me, and then i just go out and get it." (coupon. mom. dot. com.) i said, "so what are you in the market for today?" he went on, "well, there are great deals on pert plus and nivea body wash." i said oh. (just oh.) so he disappeared into the morning light again to walgreens and came home with...14 bottles collectively of hygiene products. 4 ginormous bottles of pert plus and 10 (TEN) bottles of nivea body wash. basically we have enough soap to last us until the end of time. not one head or body in this house will ever be dirty. (ever.)

he's always like a kid in a candy store when he shares his stash and savings with me. apparently he got the shampoo for $1 a bottle and the nivea at about $1.50 a bottle. (he's like a wizard of washing products.) i can only deduce that this sudden interest came about from frivolous spending brought on by vacation. i'm pretty sure that's why he got his boxers in a bunch and went out specifically to save some cash (i can't be certain though.) speaking of vacation, i believe this is the first vacation that we can really call a vacation since we've had kids. mainly, i found that taking a trip with extended family turns out the only way you can actually have a minute to relax while on vacation. i mean, we went from 4 hands to take care of their snack, drink, entertainment, potty, meal, and nap needs to FOURTEEN extra hands. plus, many of those extra hands don't have small children to tend to on a daily basis, so they were all for it. i actually found time in the day to do simple things like pee alone and read a coupla pages of a book (it was glorious). if i could make a recommendation to people with small children it is this: vacation with your entire family, the more hands the better. plus, i didn't feel guilty because my kids got to spend time with grandparents, aunts, and uncles whom they don't get to see very often. (HIGHLY recommend it, people.) the last long day of vacation we spend hanging out near the ocean, beer in hand. we were one of the last people on the beach that day and when we got back i decided to check some work voice mails and emails that i had neglected throughout the week. (bad idea.)

let me start this story by explaining something first...although i am friendly with most of my coworkers, we aren't all chummy. there are a select few that i share my personal business with, but mostly i try to keep it professional. i don't go to work happy hours, i don't get wound up at the christmas party, i don't ever really show that side of myself with colleagues ever. that being said, my principal and i have a great relationship and a shared sense of humor. we like to crack jokes and have a love of sarcasm. so when i got a voicemail from her on friday evening, one that i had originally received on wednesday, i felt really bad. usually i get right back to her, but i was on vacation and didn't realize it was actually her calling me. so anyway, i logged on to work email and saw we had THE email that every teacher dreads at the end of the summer, the "back to school email" from the principal. i read through it and then decided to send her a message back saying sorry for not getting back to her voicemail sooner. this is what i wrote: "dear so and so!! i just listened to your voicemail from wednesday, as i am on vacation at the beach with loads of family and immersed in booze and food that is bad for you. SO, so sorry i didn't get back to you sooner. i hope i'm not fired...that would really suck. hope to talk to you soon! signed, your second favorite kindergarten teacher (we all know ms. walson is your first)." i hit send.

about a half hour later, the kids were in bed and i cracked another beer, only to discover that i had a text message from ms. walson. it read as follows: "ummmm..did you mean to reply all to the email?!?! the ENTIRE staff got your email. by the way, thanks for the shoutout! (wink face.)" WHHHHHAAATTTTTTT! i had to go back and read what i wrote, but thought oh hell, i need to bandaid this somehow. so i sent other email to my coworkers (ballsy? i don't know.) it went like this: "hello. that email was supposed to go to ms. so and so only! my awesome colleague ms. walson informed me i hit reply all...and also thanked me for the shout out in the email as well. it's my last day of beach vacation...forgive me. see you all monday. i'll bring the mimosas." immediately the young gentleman of a music teacher emailed me back and said, "you are the TRUE MVP already!! i wanna be like you when i grow up!" (subject line: MVP!!!) i died. so anyways, that's how that all went down. i start work tomorrow morning (cue violin music) after a summer of shenanigans and i'm really not sure what i am walking in to due to my folly. hopefully my principal still has her sense of humor, otherwise i am shit outta luck in that department. i guess i'm really starting this school year off with a bang. at least i will be squeaky clean for my first day, due to all the pert plus and nivea products in our household. in lieu of mimosas, maybe i should go in tomorrow waving around free polident and discounted body wash? professionally speaking, probably not.