friends

 

so my husband recently asked me if i made friends with the dance moms at ella's class. however, i don't think i really "fit in" with them. for instance, this week i overheard one of them talking about how she sews clothes for her kids' baby dolls and the other one chimed in that she knitted the sweater she was wearing. (it looked like something straight out of a j.crew magazine.) meanwhile i was thinking about how half the baby dolls at my house are stark naked and the fact that i buy my clothes at target. (no knitting here.) not to mention the fact that i drink my wine out of a...box. so the answer is no, butch...not yet. this got me thinking about how the older you get the queerer it is to make friends. when you are five, if someone lets you borrow their blue crayon...you are best friends. (it doesn't take much.) moreover, the most insulting thing that kids say to each other is, "you aren't my friend!" they fall in and out of friendships like 323 times a day. can you imagine if adults acted that way? like if fen pissed me off and my only comeback was, "WELL YOU AREN'T MY FRIEND ANYMORE!" (so there.) parents sometimes get bent of shape when they hear this, but really, what leverage do kids have with each other other than friendship? that's the only weapon they can use sometimes to be hurtful. (and hurtful it is.) so if becoming friends with someone as a kid is so easy...how comes it gets harder as an adult?

maybe it's because we become much more judgy as adults? (even if we try not to be.) i mean, i was totally judging the women at dance class who had their way with thread and yarn. i also thought that they probably have perfectly prepared meals for their kids, made with only the best organic ingredients. (kraft works for me.) they probably used cloth diapers when their kids were babies. (waddup pampers.) they undoubtedly wash them with homemade soap in the bathtub. (johnson and johnson does a fine job of that.) i instantly thought, "well....we probably won't have a lot in common..." even though i only knew a little bit about them. (only the sewing/knitting bit.) the thing is this, we do have a lot in common...we all have kids. i may raise mine differently than they do, but at the end of the day we all have children. i have found the you have to do what works best for YOU as a mother. the first time i had to take carrie with me to dance class, she stood outside of the glass and threw a tantrum yelling, 'MMMEEEEEEEEEE DANNNCEEEE! MEEEEEE!" (oh hell.) i tried to talk her down from the ledge, but she was losing her shit. i had to physically remove her from the situation and when she calmed down i went back inside. i apologized to the other moms and one said, "for what?! my kid acts like a total ahole half the time, too. no worries!" (phew.) another time my two year old pulled a (wrapped) tampon out of my bag and wanted to eat it. i had to explain why tampons are not snacks. it was in a room full of moms, however, so they were all laughing. the one dad was staring oddly at me like he didn't know what a uterus was. (back off, bub...you made baby you should know about lady parts and periods.)

also when you get older you have like different sets of friends. (at least i do) you have the friends you knew from high school, college friends, neighbors, and if you have kids...you have friends with kids. my friends from high school are more like family and fen fits into that group. she gets all nervous on social media that people are going to think we are lesbians. listen, there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian...but i am not one. (either is fen.) it's just that really close friends like that are few and far between. we have a shit ton of fun together. friends like that know where you have been...and know where you are going. (good stuff.) the mom friends i've made thus far are pretty awesome as well. we all have one thing in common...we really love our kids and we really love wine. i have found that coffee sustains you as a mother and wine supports you. (truth.) i use both in moderation as of late, but they are still there whispering sweet nothings in my ear always. anyway, long story long, i am not friends with any of the dance moms...yet. i think i'm gonna throw a bone out there and see if anyone wants to hang out sometime. i overheard one of them talking about a book club and my mind was saying, "hey! you like books! you also like wine...wait? i wonder if they will they have wine there?..." (my mind goes there quick) i guess i'll have to channel my inner five year old in order to make some new friends. however, i won't be sewing any doll clothes or knitting any sweaters anytime soon. so for now i'll head around the corner to fen's after my cherubs go to bed for our guilty pleasure of grey's anatomy. we will proudly devour a bag of popcorn for dinner and drink our wine from a box. if you are wondering...i bought the yoga pants i'm wearing over there at target. please don't judge me.