honor

after running in a race this past weekend, i feel like something within me changed. however, it wasn't the actual running aspect that changed me, it was the experience of the whole thing. before you get all judgemental and throw an eye roll my way...let me explain. i'll begin by saying that i believe certain events happen in your life and they become a big part of you. i believe that people cross our paths at different points for a purpose. i am also a person who believes that things don't happen merely by chance, but that it's all part of some greater plan. in other words...everything happens for a reason. (yes, i'm one of "those" people.) too many things have happened in my life that have pointed me in this way of thinking. too many things occurred that couldn't have just happened by chance or coincidence. things that became a part of me. things that became a part of who i am and how i live. the most recent event was this race. as you know from a previous post, a dear friend of mine lost his life fighting for our country in afghanistan. when tragic things like this happen, i always feel like you never think it's going to happen in your life or be part of your story. i would watch the news and see young men and women who lost their lives at war and feel a sense of sadness, but it never really hit close to home. i could never put a face on what was truly happening overseas. until this past june.

captain jason b. jones

a guy from my hometown and a young man known by many lost his life protecting ours. when i received a late night phone call from another friend of ours when it happened, i was overcome by grief and disbelief. as a young boy this guy ran around our house playing with my brother. his parents then recruited me in later years to babysit him and his little sister. i watched him become both an amazing athlete and scholar. later on down the line we became close friends. we had a mutual respect for one another and i have never met a kid with such drive and determination. more importantly, we had a shared sense of humor which made things fun. (and funny.) anyway, when i heard that a group of people would be running a race in his honor, i was drawn to do it. when i met up at the national mall with everyone that morning, i hugged his parents, sister, family, and friends. you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort. as we set off over the starting line and i got into a groove during mile one, i looked around and realized something. there were thousands (thousands) of people running for the same reason...running in honor of someone they had lost fighting for our country or someone that was currently serving. many had shirts with pictures of their fallen heroes adorning them...and i became overcome with emotion. several times i almost burst out into an ugly cry...and believe me when i tell you i'm not one for tears. on top of this, there were hundreds of service men and women cheering us runners on. they lined the streets of dc and virginia...eager to offer a warm smile, a high five, or a glass of water. (it was awesome.)

i felt encouraged, empowered, and inspired as i rounded into mile three. i happened to be running closely with my brother daisy and he leaned over at that point and said that he had to take a dump. (who does that? takes dumps during a race? daisy.) anyway, i stopped for him as he ran to the porta potty and i waited for a good three minutes before i decided to keep going without him. (get your shit together, daisy. literally.) i tried to take it all in as i moved along the course. also running amongst me were disabled veterans with prosthetic limbs. (i swear to you that two of them passed me. stop laughing.) even some soldiers who used hand bikes the whole way because they had no use of their lower extremities. (unbelievable.) determined individuals that would stop at nothing to finish this race. other runners determined to never forget the loved ones they lost. people proud of our country and proud of the people who protect it. i felt like i was amongst a sea of good people. (because i was.) i'm sure i am not alone in saying i felt our friend with me for some of that run. i know for a fact he was standing next to me laughing his ass off as i was waiting for my little brother to come out of the porta potty. i felt his spirit and his sense of determination with me as i dry heaved at mile 5. i know that all who had his name on their shirt that day felt that way at some point in their 6 mile course. (it was impossible not to.)

as i crossed the finish line, i met up with the rest of the group and we hung out for a bit. then i made my way to find my husband and my own family. as i walked toward warren, i saw that he had his nerdy tourist camera around his neck. (it's huge.) we have had several arguments on family vacations about this camera...mainly because he looks like a complete goof while wearing it. he was snapping pictures of me as i was walking toward him and i could do nothing but laugh. (he's like the portly man paparazzi.) i hugged my girls and felt accomplished...my heart felt full. when we sat down on the grass he pulled out the camera and started to show me some of the pictures he took. he then stopped at one and pointed to it. he said, "do you see that?"

we passed the camera around and everyone had the same reaction, it was somewhere between "woah" and "holy shit."we went home shortly afterwards and fen happened to stop by. she asked about the race and i gave her the cliff notes version of how it went. then i said, "you have to see this picture." it was still on the camera and i scrolled through. i stopped on it and said (pointing), "there is al, nate, pat...shake and cable are in the background..." without missing a beat she pointed to the light and said, "...and there's jason." some people may look at this and just see a random flash of light in a picture, i look at it and see something much more. (like fen.) i choose to believe there is something beyond myself out there. i believe our loved ones look after us long after we are gone. i believe their spirit sticks around. i believe as some of his closest friends laughed, ran, and drank bud light (that happened)...he was there with them in some form. like i said, i also felt him with me at different points in the race. (like at the porta potty.) so again, it wasn't the race that changed me...it was the circumstances, it was the company, it was the camaraderie of everyone running around me. it was an event that will stick with me always. as i laid my head down on sunday night, i was thankful for friendship, family...and my freedom. i was also thankful for my husband and his nerdy tourist camera, because otherwise he wouldn't have captured something so cool. i now have an even deeper respect for the men and woman who sacrifice themselves selflessly by serving our country. jason's life was not given in vain and he will always be remembered. he has become an integral part of my story and just by reading this...he has now become a part of yours. you should feel honored. i know i do.

"always remember, never surrender." -west point motto, class of 2007