dessert

i fractured one of my toes monday morning...getting out of the shower. (my godforsaken toe.) it was one of those moments where i did it and it was so painful, it took my breath away. instead of sucking air, i screamed like a girl named nancy and almost collapsed on the floor. (i'm very graceful.) butch was brushing his teeth half asleep and i startled the shit out of him...he then exclaimed in a high pitched voice, "jesus christ, trish, are you alright!?" i'm fine. (just a goddamn idiot.) as if monday isn't bad enough...i started it with a broken toe. (awesome.) i will now be walking like a grandma for the next week...welcome to my early thirties.

i spent the latter part of my twenties pregnant, and the early part of my twenties getting wasted...so i have no idea what my thirties have in store. i do know that i'm excited to see what transpires. kids have made my life crazy. completely crazy. (as stated, many, many times before.) those two little people are by far the best thing that have ever happened to me. i've always loved children, but never knew what it was going to be like to have some of my own. in hindsight, i'm kinda glad that i didn't know. there is no book, no magazine, no article that can explain what an enormous shift your life is going to take when you have kids. the craziness never ends. it is a daily rollercoaster ride of screams and smiles, absurdity and awesomeness, liveliness and lunacy. it's a daily struggle to find balance.

a friend of mine, who came home to my parents with me for my recent race rolled over sunday morning when ella was calling my name at 6:15am and said, "is this a sick joke?!" yes. it is a sick joke...and the joke is on me. (the joke is parenthood.) we had been out really late whoopin' it up...but my two year old didn't know that and quite frankly, she didn't give a rat's behind. all she knew was that "it was light outside" (that's exactly what she said), and it was time to see her mom. (mascara all over my face, included.) i rubbed my eyeballs (realizing i never took out my contacts), tried to wake up and stumbled into her room. she exclaimed, "OH HI MOMMY! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?" well, ella, i'm tired as hell and feel like a truck hit me...but good morning to you too my little lady. mickey mouse and his clubhouse took the wheel for the first hour i was awake, but she didn't seem to mind.

if you would've told me at 21 that's how i would be spending the morning after celebrating 31, i would've told you that you lost your goddamn mind. instead of napping and nursing a hangover, i was singing the hot dog song and holding my kid. i often wonder what my life would be like had i not gotten married and had children at this point. (other people in my situation, i'm sure, have thought about this as well.) i also have single friends who wish they had what i have. (the grass is always greener.) fen spends a lot of time with us (obviously) and she always says, "i don't know how you do it." yet, she still wants children of her own. i don't know how i do it either. all i know is, i have no idea how i got here and take it one day at a time.

i think tragedies like what happened in boston yesterday, remind us of this. remind us to take life one day at a time, because we never know what tomorrow has in store. those people that went to that race had no idea that was going to happen. just like the children in connecticut who went to school that day and never got to come home. you just don't know. life has no guarantees. i think we also have to remember that each of us has struggles, we all have baggage, we all make mistakes...we all are human. for this reason, we also need to remember to help each other out when needed, to be more understanding, to just be kinder to one another. i will never understand tragedies such as the ones i just mentioned, and my faith in humanity waivers every time something like that happens. however, i do believe that good always prevails over evil in the end.

finally, two of the greatest life lessons that i learned thus far...i learned from my grandmother. first of all, whenever i was going through a hard time she would always say, "put on your boots and march." in other words, tie up those laces and keep moving. life goes on and you have to go on as well. i try to remember this when i am going through something difficult. the second lesson was through what she did, rather than what she said. every single time i would have dinner with her, she would always have dessert afterwards. (everytime.) she would also encourage everyone at the table to have dessert as well. put in to words, have your cake and eat it, too! i am a whole different person i was when i was 21. most importantly though, i laugh a lot more and worry a lot less. i do what feels good and try to enjoy each day for what it is. i hope to spend the next year embracing that mentality and also having more dessert...even if it means running a few extra miles to counteract the calories. we are all in this life together, friends...bottoms up!

birthday margarita? yes, please.