monday

if monday had a face...i'd punch it in the mouth. furthermore, after an especially fun weekend with amazing people...it makes it that much more unbearable. i have also found that the older i get, the more time it takes me to recuperate from a night (or in this case nights) of fun. i'm talking days. i'm talking i may feel like a normal human on about wednesday. (this is not a joke) this morning i woke up and my motor skills were barely back in order, let alone my mental ability to process things that you need to do...simple things, like brush your teeth and wash your ass. everything was painful. oh, and not to mention the physical pain that i was feeling as well. i'm no spring chicken anymore...so dancing my ass off for 3 plus hours led to pain in muscles that i didn't even know i had.

butch also thought it was a good idea at one point to put me on his shoulders. (i apologize to whomever got the ass show this small feat created.) short dress and shoulders are a bad idea in the first place..when there is booze involved, all bets are off. (ass cheeks were OUT.) after he paraded me around (it was more like him stumbling around like a circus clown), he ever so "gently" put me down on the (hardwood) floor...which made all of my weight impact my left knee cap. in that moment, i swear i smashed that bone. (my knee cap bone. awesome.) i pulled his hair and smacked him in the ear. (expletives flew out of my mouth.) no one cared at that point (even if i had needed an ambulance)...because there was a vat of boilo and everyone was pretending it was christmas eve. boilo is trouble, any day of the week. at a wedding it's super bad news, because people have been drinking since, like, daylight. christmas eve played out in the minds of many, i'm sure...it got ugly. (ps. if you don't know what boilo is, here ya go...click here. it's mighty delicious, especially this time of year.)

so anyway, this morning was not good. however, i didn't have to worry about getting the kids out the door to the sitter, because butch's car still wasn't out of the shop..he decided to take an extra day off. so what was the diagnosis of the car you ask? he BLEW the transmission. BLEW IT. (the car is not a 1988 ford tempo...it's a 2010 mazda.) the mechanic told him that he had a "faulty" transmission...i asked him if he told the mechanic he was a "faulty" driver. (he laughed.) he truly believes (deep down in his soul) that he had a faulty car part, and that his mario andretti mentality on the way to the bachelor party had nothing to do with his car needing a new transmission. (yeah, okay.) luckily, it is still covered under warranty. (thank god.) anyways, he was off today with the kids. i was so jealous as i walked out the door this morning. i had visions of him playing with carrie and ella, cleaning up around the house (which was a mess), napping when the kids were napping...and making dinner. none of the above happened. i came home at 4pm...he was on the couch (shirtless) and i'm not kidding you, he looked terrible. carrie was in the excersaucer, ella was eating a cookie and she smiled sheepishly at me. (uh oh.)

i then made the mistake of saying, "so how was your day?" he. went. off. "we don't pay the sitter enough! we don't! SHE (pointing at carrie...a baby) crapped her pants THREE TIMES and two of them WENT UP HER BACK! THREE TIMES out of that little body!" i said, "yeah, she poops a lot somedays." (trying to defuse him.) it didn't work. he kept going, "and THAT ONE (pointing at ella) crapped her pants TWO TIMES and you know what it smelled like?! it smelled like DEATH." (i was laughing on the inside at this point, but didn't want to push it.) i said, "yikes, that's a lotta poop in one day...sorry about that." (hahahaha...) he went on, "and ella didn't NAP...AT ALL. not one wink! carrie napped like 30 MINUTES the whole DAY." (i found that hard to believe, she is 4 months old...but whatever, i let it go.) there was shit all over the house. i mean everywhere. carrie was covered in her own spit (no bib) and lovin' life with her smelly self. i looked at ella and he said, "i figured i better change her out of her pajamas or you would yell at me..." the funny thing was, SHE WAS IN PAJAMAS. not the ones that she had on from the night before...but different ones. he changed her out of one set of pajamas, into another set of pajamas. (i just shook my head.) he then said, "we need to go get my car. it's done. and i'm done. get me outta here." (at this point i couldn't hold it together and LAUGHED. laughed loudly.) he did not appreciate my joy in his pain.

we climbed into the SUV and i drove him to the dealer to pick up his car. ella was so overtired at this point and kept asking, "cause why!?" to everything...she was also whining, a lot. carrie started crying about half way home. (and i had a massive headache.) we got home and i thought...eff this noise, i'm going for a run. (with them of course.) the fresh air would do us all good. (or so i thought.) i got out the door and started running...and ella started talking. (and talking. and talking.) i love the phyllis diller quote that says, "we spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them how to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." (so true.) we wanted so badly for ella to start talking, and now she does. not. stop. she is also curious about EVERYTHING. (she's two, i can't blame her...) "what's that?," "why that?," "what doing?," "where going?," and on. and on. and on. question after question...after question. she also loves to name things. (everything.) so on the run i heard from the stroller, "look mommy! tree!" "look mommy! mailbox!" "look mommy! house!" after about 2 miles, and 20 minutes of this..i said, "ella, take a break..." she said, "ohhhhhhttttaayyyyy!!" and then proceeded to turn to carrie and "sing" to her. her singing consists of a loud yodeling sound that was echoing out of the stroller throughout the neighborhood. no real words, all sounds. all highly annoying sounds that are equally ridiculous. (the thing is...she knows she is being ridiculous.) i stopped the stroller. she looked up through the peep hole in the visor...and started losing it. laughing hysterically at my annoyed facial expression. (i'm in for it with this kid, i'm telling you. she is so much like me, it's scary.)

after our ever so peaceful run...i came back, fed both of them, did a load of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, bathed them, and they are now (thankfully) asleep in bed. (i love my children, but bedtime is such a sweet time in my house.) i had just started typing when fen blew in the door to borrow my crock pots for an upcoming party...and tell us how she just got lost leaving her new place of work. (are you surprised?) let me just say that i am glad this MONDAY is over. i am glad this day is over. although, i am seriously hoping by wednesday that my motor skills, brain function, and broken kneecap are back in order. also, if anyone snapped pictures this weekend of me teetering ever so gracefully on the top of my husband's shoulders with my two ass cheeks hanging out...i'd appreciate it if you would send them to me. i need the laugh.