butch had my keys (to the suv mommy mobile) in his hand and said, "i'll drive." i said, "why don't we just take your car?" he looked at me weird. "is that a problem?" (still looking at me weird...) "no...not a problem, i'll get my keys." now he knows damn well my car is all crapped up, and bitches about it all the time. there are 2 car seats in the backseat...a stroller in the way back, binkies, blankies, diapers, and all sorts of other baby paraphernalia. (fen was in my car yesterday, opened the glove box...where she found: a teacup, a medicine syringe...and a thong. she was flabbergasted.) it's a royal mess. alright, so after that 5 minute debate about whose car we are taking we climb into his car and pull out of the driveway. i noticed right away that he was being easy on the gas pedal. (not his style.) i cranked the radio and danced ridiculously in the front seat to "girls just wanna have fun"(one thing i do miss about driving, now that i usually have kids in the car...is blasting the music.) i tried to ignore the fact that he was driving slowly...and then when he accelerated after a stop light, i felt the transmission slip. (like the car bucked a little bit.) i ignored it...and then it happened again. (and again.)
i said, "do you feel that?" he kept his eyes on the road.."feel what?" i said, "the transmission is not acting right when you accelerate." he nonchalantly said, "oh...yeah...it's been doing that for about two weeks." i then immediately had a flashback to him telling me about 2 weeks ago (when he got back from the bachelor party) that he and one of our friends (a cop) were driving exceedingly fast and he made "excellent time" going to the poconos. the pieces of the puzzle were starting to come together here. "does this have anything to do with the fact that you were driving like a maniac to that bachelor party?" he turned and said, "umm...yeah, well it started after that trip." "JESUS CHRIST, BUTCH WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME!!!!" he was startled, "i thought it was just going to go away." "GO AWAY!? this isn't a cold or the chicken pox...this is a car transmission! they don't just fix themselves." he started to laugh. i said, "not funny, mario andretti. not funny at all." and so...the rest of the ride my blood boiled as the car bucked out of first gear into second. he's lucky i didn't karate chop him in the jugular every time it happened...because i was close. we arrived to our destination, and realized that the bar we wanted to go to was completely shut down. (when did this happen!? go figure.) so we just decided to drop by my uncle's house instead. i was rather salty about the car at this point and was in no mood to drive around in a bucking bronco of a vehicle looking for a bar.
so at this point, it was around 8:30pm. we walked into my uncle's house, bellied up to the island in their kitchen, and i dumped about four miller lites down my chops before i could speak of the car. i told the story. they laughed. (i was not laughing.) and then about 9:02pm...fen texted me. "someone is wide awake..should i try the swing or bottle? oh, and she keeps farting." (jesus christmas.) i said, "bottle." another text at 9:33pm.."SHITTIEST F'ING DIAPER EVER!!" the thought of fen changing a shitty diaper sent me into hysterics. then at 9:35..."if ella shits her diaper, i'm out." (oh good, glad this is going well...) at 10:40 my phone rang and it was fen, i could hear carrie crying and fen sounded like she had been through the ringer. i made the executive decision to head home. as butch was driving back (easy on the gas), i was thinking about how no matter what you "plan" on doing...kids will always change the game. your plans are always epically messed up. if you don't know how to go with the flow, you would surely lose your mind.
when we got home around 11pm, carrie was fast asleep in her crib (of course)...and fen looked like she had been through a war. (kids are the best birth control ever.) "i don't know how you guys do this day after day! it's crazy! also, she wouldn't stop crying...so i was singing her the national anthem. (huh?) it was one of the only songs i knew the words to. i was also singing her 'baby got back' because it was another song i knew." (out with mother goose...in with sir mix a lot. awesome.) we said goodbye to fen and thanked her. ironically, carrie ended up sleeping straight through the night (until 6am) for the first time ever. however, our three hours out on the town were ruined by lies: a transmission full of lies and lullabies with the lyrics, "i like big butts and i cannot lie." butch's car goes in the shop today, and i'm sending fen a cd of children's songs tomorrow. i am mentally in need of a ridiculously long run today, i hope my body cooperates. however, i won't be wearing my new (anniversary present) running shoes...because although my they are not used, they are definitely not the right size. (fail.)
next weekend, we will both be away the entire weekend for a wedding in pennsylvania. my parents will have the kids one night, and my uncle will have the kids the other night. i expect a plethora of shenanigans out of both of my children. however, i will be balls deep in a plethora of shenangians myself...a wedding that includes good friends, fun music, dancing, free booze (oh, and no children...) is a lethal combination. godspeed grandparents and great aunt & uncle. don't expect to call or text me about crappy diapers or lack of sleep, for i will be busy shaking it on the dance floor...as sir mix a lot is serenading me with his (not fen's version) of 'baby got back.'
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