daddy

butch spent the week with the kids because i started work a whole week earlier. let the games begin.

day 1
i arrived home from work and there was pulled pork in the crock pot for dinner. he was whistling a tune at the sink with a beer in his hand...and proceeded to tell me how easy his day was. carrie slept a lot, ella played and was tantrum free and mostly pleasant all day. he rambled on about how it was "easy" to be a stay at home dad and he thought about doing it full time. he also mentioned that he could add a few kids to his daddy day care and make some extra money. i gave him a mental pat on the back as i chewed my pork sandwich...all the while thinking, there is no way easy street is going to continue all week. (no way in hell, pal.) sidebar, ella was still dressed in her pajamas from the night before.

day 2
i got a text message about 11am that stated that carrie had already had 2 bottles by this time and had not slept at all the entire morning. ("is she going to sleep...EVER?" was the exact text.) by 1pm, another text stated that ella had been complaining that her ear hurt, she refused to eat lunch, and did not want to go down for a nap. he was on attempt number 3 to get her to bed when his frustration boiled over and he texted me. he also stated that he did not get a shower yesterday, so he was going on day number two without a shower and he felt "disgusting."(i'm sure other moms can laugh at this, as washing yourself becomes a minor detail when you have little ones.) when i got home at 3:30, there were dishes all over the kitchen, toys all over the house, and nothing in the crockpot. butch told me he needed to get out of the house and proceeded to let me know he was going to barnes and noble. (???) let me fill you in on something...the kid doesn't read books. (ever.) as long as i've known him he hasn't read one book. (i didn't want to fire him up at this point, he looked awful..so i just shook my head. meanwhile, i had just worked for 9 hours and was tired as hell.) he left. i made dinner and picked up the house. about 2 hours later he walked in the door with a case of octoberfest. (left for books, came back with beer...well done sir.) after dinner, i told him that ella had a fever, and probably an ear infection. i asked him if he could take her to the doctor tomorrow. ("by myself!? with both of them? jesus god." was the answer.). another sidebar, same as the day before...when i got home, ella was still dressed in her pajamas from the night before.

day 3
i must mention that nobody but carrie slept the during the night. (she's a newborn, so that makes total sense, right?! not.) ella had a raging fever all night, and therefore did not sleep hardly at all. when a toddler is not sleeping, either are the parents. she was in our bed with us moaning and crying. (poor thing.) i've said it before and i'll say it again...sick kids are the absolute worst. we could not get her fever down, so she was boiling hot...but wanted to be snuggled. (it was like cuddling with a turkey straight out of the oven. cozy.) at about 2:50am, she finally fell asleep...and then carrie woke up to eat. (sweet mary mother of god.) at that point, i accepted that i was going to feel like a piece of shit the next day...sometimes it's just better to accept it, than fool yourself. ella was all over the place the rest of the night, crying hysterically because she didn't feel good or kicking me in the lady parts. finally at around 6am, i got out of bed, fed carrie again and was getting ready for work. (my sights were set on a really productive day at that point...) butch got up with ella (and looked like a serial killer) and i told him i would let him know what time i could get her in at the doctor. as i walked out the door, ella started screaming on the top of her lungs..."mommmmmmyyyyyy". i stopped at dunkin donuts, called the doctor from the car...and contemplated veering off into oncoming traffic several times. i was having trouble making full sentences at that point, so i texted butch and told him ella's appointment was at 9:45am. around 11am, i got a phone call and i was in a meeting (trying not to fall asleep). i walked out into the hallway to answer. he let me know that it was not an ear infection...she has hand/foot and mouth disease. for those of you that don't know what this gem of a summer sickness is...your kid gets a raging fever, sores on their hands, feet, and/or in their mouths...and severe crankiness. the best part about this whole "disease" is that they give you no antibiotics for it. you just have to watch your kid suffer and "let it run it's course."(it's about as fun as it sounds.) at around 2pm, i hit a wall and could no longer be around other people. (i was about to go ape shit...as my dad would say, everyone was "talking stupid.") so i snuck out the back door and headed home an hour early. as i walked in the door at 2:30ish...butch was passed out on the couch, carrie was sleeping in the swing, and ella was asleep in her crib. i hopped into bed and hoped for 20 minutes of sleep. just as i closed my eyes...ella started crying. (mother. f'er.) later we were making dinner and butch decided to grill a london broil. after prepping the meat, he walked outside. two minutes later he walked back in, slammed the slab of meat on the counter and said, "goddamnit we are out of propane!!!!!" (serenity now.) he left the room and came back with a half empty cheap bottle of rum that must've been left over from a party we had in the past. the kid doesn't drink rum. (ever.) he made himself a drink. (um...okay?) i made a frozen bagged noodle and shrimp concoction he got with a coupon instead. ella is now in bed...for now. as i was typing this, carrie projectile vomited milk all over the place. (she has never done that in her 10 weeks of life. ever.) and sidebar, when i got ella out of her crib from her nap, she was dressed only in a diaper. (at least she was out of her pajamas from the night before.)

day 4
ella woke up (only) once the night before and stated, "medicine please, mommy."(is that normal for 2 year olds to ask for that?) i already had an squirty syringe ready for her on my night stand for this purpose...as i sat down on our bed and prepared to give it to her, i fumbled and squirted the red liquid all over the wall adjacent to our bed. (holy crap.) i gasped. ella yelled, "UH OH! OH NO!" really loud...which startled kung fu panda laying next to us. he sprung out of bed and said, "what is going on!? (really confused) and why is there advil all over the wall??" while laughing, i told him i accidentally squirted it and asked him if he could go downstairs and get some more. (he didn't think it was very funny.) he stumbled downstairs. ella went back to bed shortly after i (properly) administered the medicine, and she was still sleeping when i left in the morning. (praise jesus.) at about 10am, i texted mr. mom and asked him how ella was feeling. he said she had no fever and was happy as a clam. an hour later i got a text that said, "i'm baking cookies!!"...so it was back to the suzy homemaker routine from monday. (and no worries, the cookies were the tollhouse break apart ones that are all ready to go in the oven...he's not that domestic.) i didn't hear anything the rest of the day. (no news is good news.) i walked in about 3:30pm and it was smiles all around. butch left to go fill up the propane that we expired the night before...and i must've looked a little rough, because he stopped at the liquor store on his way home and bought me wine...a whole box. sidebar, we skyped with my parents around 5pm and they asked why ella was already in her pajamas...(you guessed it!), they were the same pajamas from the night before. i must also state that when i took her diaper off to put her in the tub, there was a penny in there. i asked her how it got there and she just smiled and squawked, "monnnnneeyyyy!!" (awesome.)

day 5
we started the day with dual doctor appointments that i had made months ago. (a 2 year physical and a 2 month checkup..including shots for all) i had forgotten i made the appointments and had to let my principal know that i would be in late...i thought it was wise to not to send butch by himself at this point in the week. (his next stop after the doctor appointments would've been to a lawyer...to get divorce papers.) so we all went to the doctors at 8am. dual doctor appointments sound good in theory (bang them both out in one trip)...but it actuality, it was equivalent to a brain aneurysm. ella is still getting over the hand, foot, mouth business, so really didn't want someone poking and proding her. (they held off giving her shots because of her recent sickness...thank god) carrie was her normal happy self, but needed to get three shots. butch decided to take ella back into the waiting room while carrie got her pricked. when he went out into the hallway, he left the door open. i overheard the doctor (a woman) talking to the nurse (another woman), saying they better give carrie some tylenol before her shots because "mom (me) was going back to work and dad (butch) was going to be left home with ella who was just getting over being sick and carrie who was getting immunized (which can make kids fussy)"...and then they both started losing their shit laughing at this thought. (and then i started laughing) women really do have it out for men sometimes. (whoops.) anyway, i dropped all three of them off after the appointments and headed to work. (god speed daddy man.) i didn't hear anything all day and i was hoping i didn't. i texted my uncle (who lives nearby) and asked him if he could take the kids for 2 hours so butch and i could go out for a few drinks and dinner alone. i had had it with work at this point and he had had it with his mr. mom routine. we both needed a break....or a mental ward. thankfully my aunt and uncle said they could keep the kids and we dropped them off before heading downtown. as we were drinking painkillers (real name of the drink...and totally appropriate at this point in the week) down by the water, we didn't say too much to each other. we quietly sipped our drinks, listened to the music, stared at the waterview...much better than checking ourselves into the psych ward and having a nurse tighten our matching straight jackets.

this is a week that i wish i could've pushed the fast forward button and zoomed through it. i do know one thing...if you lose your sense of humor through these types of weeks, you would be lost. (or lose your ever loving mind) butch is now (very) ready to head back to work, and next week i will deal with the fun of getting both girls up and to the sitter at 6:30 in the morning. (a whole new bag of tricks, i'm sure) butch did a great job as stay at home dad, but i truly hope when i pick up ella after work from the sitter next week...she is at least out of her pajamas from the night before.