bucketlist

 

it has come to my attention that my 4 year old now has a new past time and it is as follows: she apparently has been taking panty liners out of the basket in the bathroom, unwrapping them...and then sticking them to the bottom of her shoes (awesome, right?). i wasn't made aware of this until yesterday morning when i got a text from fen with the above picture. (fen takes ella to school on fridays) she also had some choice words to share, as did i. i immediately knew that ella had done this by her own hand and told fen to call her out on it. well, the little girl was cracking her own shit up when she found out she was caught. my guess is she thought they were giant stickers and added them to the bottom of her shoes so that she could seamlessly glide across the hardwood and do panty liner pirouettes? who the hell knows, but with 2344 toys in the house...why wouldn't she choose feminine products to play with instead? why wouldn't she. (makes total sense.) upon further inspection i found several other shoes adorned with panty liners and i decided to interrogate her over breakfast this morning. as i crunched into my bacon, i leaned over and said, "so why have you been taking mommy's things out of the bathroom and sticking them on the bottom of your shoes?" she looked like a deer in headlights, as she probably thought her problems were over with fen. she looked at me dead in the eye and said, "carrie did it." (and so it begins.)

i know damn well the little one didn't do it, so we had a courageous conversation about telling the truth at all times...and not getting into my feminine products. i mean, all of the chemicals are out of reach, but i didn't know i would have to hide the pads as well. (things they don't tell you in the parenting books). so anyway, things have been pretty quiet around here lately. not much to write home about. however, warren has been receiving these mysterious packages on the porch for weeks now. pretty much he is the walter white of weightlifting. he's got enough potions and proteins to put schwarzenegger to shame. i recently walked into the pantry to find three big boxes of marathon protein bars. i said, "where the hell did you get these!?" he replied, "ebay. they were 20 bucks TOTAL for 36 bars!...that's like $106 in savings!!" my next question was, "what's the expiration date?" he got all flustered and then yelled from the living room, "wellllll....they are BEST BY june." (like a month from now). i laughed and told him that i hope he violently shits his shorts upon eating them. who the hell buys almost expired protein bars on ebay in bulk and thinks that this is totally normal!? (him.) he has started his game of divvying them out to our friends when they come over. best part is, they are stupid enough to take them...so i hope they shit their shorts as well.

this afternoon i am headed to the land of brotherly love to visit my brother and be a part of the 10 mile broadstreet run. (i'm nervous as hell, people.) i feel physically ready, but mentally not so much. i'd rather sit back and drink a couple (hundred) mimosas tomorrow morning than run like a chubby gazelle down the streets of philadelphia. alas, i'm hoping that this is another thing i can cross of my bucketlist. a few weeks ago i sang a duet during karaoke hour at the local VFW with my mother. neither of us can carry a tune, but were belting out meghan trainor because we were "all about that bass." (oh boy.) i guess that isn't so much bucketlist material, but it sure was fun. both of my children are getting so big so fast, and my uterus continues to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. i go back and forth with wanting another baby, but when i think about all the sleepless nights of a newborn i come back to reality. for now i will continue to make sure my 4 year old stays out of the feminine products, my 2 year old is dressed in her wackiest gear, and hoping my husband stops buying proteins and potions from ebay. warmer weather and sunshine has put the world in a good mood, so get out there and enjoy it. i don't recommend running a marathon or anything, but if you choose to...i have the bars to sustain you during your race. for a good laugh, i'll stand on the sidelines and watch as you shit your shorts? (god speed.) no worries, in less then 24 hours i'll be deep in the bowels of broadstreet...probably doing the same thing. cheers to the finish line, friends...and always laughing along the way.