granted

there are lots of things you take for granted before you have kids. little things that you think really aren't a big deal, but when it comes down to it they really are. for instance, turning the music up loud in the car, dropping a deuce with out someone knocking down the damn door, eating something without sharing it....and the one that i have been dealing with most recently that really chaps my ass is getting the kids out the door in the morning before work. mornings are hard for me with or without kids. (i actually want to throat chop people who are "chipper" in the morning.) however, when mornings entail trying to get two toddlers out the door before the sun rises it is equivalent to a brain aneurysm. (they make me want to throat chop myself.) i don't know about your kids, but at this stage in the game...mine travel with an entourage. the posse changes every week, but i usually have to tote blankey lovies, elmo, ariel, minnie, mention any other childhood character slash toy here. (switch them up and repeat.) i feel like i should have a bumper sticker that reads, "big bird is my homeboy." it doesn't matter how much i do the night before, i still run around like a cracked out chicken with its head cut off in the wee morning hours. therefore, when my husband suffers a man cold and opts to stay home with our offspring, i secretly do a little dance inside...all because i don't have to deal with all that nonsense in the morning. i also enjoy getting pictures throughout the day from him that show my children looking like this:

i don't know what trailer park these two escaped from, but they look absolutely glorious. my husband was home all day yesterday with them and informed me that he "let the kids dress themselves." they always have on some sort of absurd get-up anyway, but i think the diaper and the snow boot ensemble takes the cake, no mention of the neon leggings. here is another thing with kids that you take for granted before having them...sick days! (have you seen the most recent cold medicine commercial?) i know butch would rather spend the day in bed (nursing his man cold with medicine) than deal with mary lou and betty sue, but sending them to the sitter would mean paying for a sitter...and butch would never "waste" that money. therefore, he deals with their craziness and his man cold collaboratively and hopes for the best. from the looks of things on this picture, it was going really well. we often think back to how are lives were before children and we have come to the conclusion that at one point really liked each other. (listen up) relationships often go through ups and downs, but when you have small children it's more like a roller coaster ride. actually, it's like going on a roller coaster without a seat belt fastened and having to hold on for dear life at every twist and turn. some days you hope like hell your ride doesn't have any loops, because you will fall off and god forbid you hurt yourself...because you won't even have a sick day to take off from parenthood to heal. (end rant.)

this morning i woke up, walked into the bathroom and as my husband got out of the shower i said, "carrie woke me up in the middle of the night." he said, "for what?" i said, "to say hello." i shit you not i heard, "mommmmeeeee, mommmmeeee...." (x23) from across the hall and i went over. i walked in rubbing one eye ball and scratching my ass and she yelped, "OH, hi mommy!" she had a big smile on her face and acted as if i was coming over for a cup of tea and some crumpets in the middle of the night. (i assure you i was not.) after a hello and a hug, i laid her back down and that was that. 3:03am is an awesome time to say hello to someone. (not.) toddlers have literally no boundaries, nor can tell time. (lethal combo.) after i told butch this he said, "well ella woke me up last night." i said, "for what?" he said, "she said she was afraid of the monsters." i somehow mustered, "the monsters?" he said, "yea...the monsters." all i could do was shake my head. maybe tonight we can send carrie over to say hello to the monsters in the middle of the night instead? after running around this morning like that cracked out chicken i talked about earlier, we were on our way to the sitter and said, "ella, what is this i hear about the monsters?" she said (smirking), "well they aren't really real, but sometimes they scare me." i said, "if they aren't real, then they shouldn't scare you." (it was clear that she also got up to just say hello.) it got really quiet and then carrie yelled on the top of her lungs, "ROOOOAAARRRRR!" doing her best monster impression, of course. we all started laughing. (carrie is a character.)

so if you do not have any children as of yet, make sure you don't take those little things that i used to for granted. turn your music way up and roll your windows way down. take a nice, long uninterrupted dump with a magazine in hand. roll out in the morning (or afternoon, or night) without an entourage of lovies, toys, and stuffed animals in tow. take a sick day and lay around until you get bedsores. sleep through the night without the threat of monsters waking you up. despite allllll this being said...just know that if you ever choose to have children, that it will be the very best thing you ever did. kids make you laugh, they make you whine (and drink wine), they make you question your competence, they make you smile...they do all these things and (lots) more. dealing with their craziness and life in general collaboratively is all part of the ride. the roller coaster is a daily struggle that sometimes makes you wonder why you got on in the first place, but at the end of most days you are happy you did. the little things i took for granted before having kids are peanuts compared to the love they have brought into my life. (but i would still like to pee alone.) my two children have taught me what true love is and i will never, ever take that for granted. moreover, anything that can make an uninterrupted trip to the bathroom feel like a mini vacation is pretty powerful. in parenthood you prepare for the worst and hope for the best. so tonight i am preparing for monsters, but hoping for tea and crumpets. in the meantime, i choose to raise my wine glass...and just enjoy the ride.