mom

so something started happening the past couple of weeks and it is as follows: ella started calling me "mom" as opposed to "mommy." it may not sound like a very big deal, but i died a little inside the first time she said it. who knew that an abbreviated version of my namesake would cause me such a queer feeling? (suddenly my little girl wasn't so little anymore.) now don't get me wrong, i'm okay with not hearing, "MOOOMMMMMMEEEEE!!!" from the other room when her sister is assaulting her. i always yell back, "WHHAATTTEEEEE???" anyway, this little name change is a game changer. things they don't tell you in the parenting books #231: when your kid suddenly starts calling you "mom" as opposed to "mommy," you will die a little inside. (true story.) so another mother's day just passed, and i told my husband that i only wanted one thing yesterday...to sleep in. so of course, i was the first one awake at 6am...thinking about alllllll the shit i had to get done. i forced myself to stay in bed though and as i was laying there, ella snuck up behind me as i was on my side and whispered (in her best serial killer voice), "good morning, moooom." she scared the bejeezus out of me and i gasped...and then screamed. my outburst scared butch who was startled awake and he yelled something absurd, sitting straight up in the process. our reactions both scared ella, who almost started to cry. (i then started laughing.) i rolled over and grabbed her, pulling her in bed with us and forced her to snuggle with me. i then asked her if she ate cow manure in the middle of the night, because her breath could've knocked out mayweather in a fight.

eventually, butch got both kids out of the room and i laid there willing myself to go back to sleep. (it wasn't happening.) shortly after this...all i knew was the whole house smelled like bacon, i didn't have to cook anyone breakfast, and i was pretty sure that it was going to be a good day. (any day that starts with bacon has to be a good one.) i made my way downstairs and he said, "i'm going to go to the grocery store for food for the week...do you want me to take them with me?" (does a bear shit in the woods, warren?) i played it cool and shook my head yes. after they left, the house was eerily quiet. (i'm never alone in the house. ever.) i then had the option of going back to bed or heading out for a run. i consulted fen on what to do, and she assured me the former would be a better option...so i climbed back under the sheets and laid there like i used on a sunday morning before having kids. by some grace of god, i fell back asleep and then woke up to ella knocking on the front door like a solicitor and the dog barking like an asshole. (come on, man!) after a long run in the sunshine, i rounded up everything we needed for an outing and went to the local park. i don't know if mother nature was trying to make up for her bitchy winter behavior...but the weather was absolutely gorgeous yesterday. (beautiful.) when we arrived on the scene, my husband exclaimed, "i'm gonna work on my tan." i turned around to see him shirtless...his chalk white plus size physique glistening in the sun. (so sexy.) we started our adventure with a picnic and then we decided to fly a kite.

so add, "flying a kite" to the things my one year old is afraid of. this comes second to bugs, trash, walking on unsteady surfaces, sticks, grass, rocks, and trees. in conclusion, the park was really fun. ella said, "why is she afraid of evvverrryyythinnngg?" i don't know, but they are polar opposites in that respect. ella is our go getter and loves to dive into everything, even things she's not sure about. carrie is apprehensive in all movements and even a kite scares the living daylights out of her. luckily, she does warm up after a while to most things. i think it's so incredibly weird that two kids can be so much the same yet so different in so many ways. i always saw this with my brothers, but by golly it's weird when it's with your own creations. about that, mom's are awesome for so many reasons...but i think the fact that they can grow a tiny human inside of them and shoot it out of their lady parts has to be my most favorite thing about them. i mean, really, i know it's the "miracle of life" and shit...but it's sorta mind boggling that the female human body can do this. i think hearing both of my kid's heartbeats inside of me for the first time was one of my all time life altering moments. (it's amazing.) coming second to the first time i actually got to see them when they made their entrance into this world via my vagina. (yep.) so anyway, we had a great day. butch did nice things for me most of the day, and kept saying, "it's your day." (well played.) he didn't even bat an eye when he saw me pour a bloody mary into a travel coffee mug to take to the park. (don't judge me, i wasn't driving.)

i think now that i am a mother myself, i am in constant awe of my own mother...and all the other mom's i know. i think a lot of us are quick to judge each other, but really...we all play for the same team. (a bat shit crazy one.) we have a lot of the same struggles, the same joys, the same daily BS our kids put us through...and sometimes it's still hard to recognize and relate to each other. raising kids is hard. (really hard.) some of us are better at juggling all of this nonsense than others. i'm no super mom and i will never proclaim to be one. hell, half the time i am just hoping i am not raising future serial killers. i make sure my kids have all of what they need, some of what they want and always, always laugh and play along the way. i know i am so very lucky to have two happy and healthy children. although i whine and moan about it often, i don't take that for granted for a second. just because raising children is one of the most awesome things ever, it doesn't negate the fact that they are an incredible pain in the ass. (bloody mary's help with that aspect.) god made these little people cute for a reason, there is no mistake in that. they are even cuter when they don't have each other in a headlock.

so as my three year old transitions from calling me mommy to mom and my second born is still scared of inanimate objects, my heart is filled with nothing but love and gratitude for my two little ladies. i don't think the love for your children can be topped by any other love there is. it's something that can't be explained, only something felt. we rounded out mother's day with hot dogs on the grill, corn on the cob, and ice cream from coldstone creamery...because my husband had a coupon. (BOGO, baby.) you can only do the best you can with what you have and hope for the best. in the words of the writer j.d. salinger..."mothers are all slightly insane." if you are a mom and don't agree with that statement...i call bullshit from here to the maternity ward. some days you feel like wearing a straight jacket and others you wear a smile. most days we should wear some sort of super hero cape, because it's the only attire appropriate for someone who does so much and expects so little in return. at the end of the day at least i know for sure the younger one won't turn out to be a serial killer, based on the mere fact that she is afraid of...a kite.