fear

so something magical happened in my classroom yesterday. when i first tell you about it, you will probably not think it's so magical...but by the end of the story, i hope you get why it is. there is a little boy (let's call him ray) in my class who has been (since before coming to kindergarten) petrified of thunder storms. i'm not just talking a little whimper when it happens...i'm talking full blown shaking, crying, hiding, scared shitless of the storm. in fact, the first week of school i send home a paper that asks all parents, "is there anything you feel i should know about your child?" his mom stated that he is severely afraid of storms and that in preschool the teacher would have to to put headphones on him to help him get through it. after i read this, i made it a back burner goal to try to get this kid over his fear by the end of the year. i didn't know quite how i was going to do it, but i was determined. now here's the thing with fears...they are usually (quite often, really) irrational. i know this because for no apparent reason...i am afraid to fly. i'm not afraid of heights, no one i know (except people on grey's anatomy) has perished in a plane crash, i'm not afraid to die...but for some reason i can't get myself on a plane. (irrational i tell you.) fears suck that way, and i'd imagine when you are kid they suck even worse because you have your peers to contend with when you are scared, especially at school.

when the first thunder storm hit at the beginning of the year, many of the kids were quick to tease ray because of his fear. some children lack empathy and as a teacher i have to create an environment where they encourage rather than demoralize each other. when you are five...it's easier to patronize and tease someone for something, rather than help them out and build them up. (truth be told, some adults have issues with this as well.) so as the thunder rolled and the lightening striked outside (straight out of a garth brooks song), ray cowered next to me and cried. i rubbed his back, said encouraging words to get him through it (he ended up on my lap)...while some kids stared and other kids laughed. i nipped the laughing in the bud real quick, but the staring was harder. understandably, some of the children just didn't understand this fear. here was their friend, freaking out about something...and they didn't get it. i would say about a couple more times, this same charade played out in the classroom during storms. if ray was on the playground when a storm rolled in, the other kindergarten teachers on duty would have to deal with him. sometimes, ray's father would even show up at the school because he was so concerned about how he would react. anyway, as the year went on...i noticed that if i semi ignored and downplayed the behavior, it seemed to lessen. i would still console him and stuff, but i wouldn't go full throttle. we had maybe another handful of thunderstorms throughout the school year and each one more tolerable for ray.

on my way to school yesterday, the the radio let me know that we would have afternoon showers with possible thunderstorms...i immediately thought of ray. we went throughout the morning with sunshine, but as we approached recess time the clouds rolled in. as i ate my lunch at my desk, i was  eating an apple and as i crunched into it...a loud clap of thunder shook the school. i jumped up and thought, "holy hell...where's ray!" luckily, the on duty teachers had brought the kids in already and they were watching a movie. i rushed in the room (but played it cool) and walked back to my colleague and whispered, "what's going on with ray?" she said, "it's the weirdest thing, but he's watching the movie and acting like it's no big deal." sure enough, there he sat engulfed in the movie. i had to bring the kids back to my room for rest time and i knew that maybe without the distraction it would be a problem. we filed out of her room and another little boy who saw ray's apprehension while he was looking out the window said, "you don't have to be scared...it's just a noise." ray said, "stop teasing me!" the boy said, "i'm not teasing you...i'm just trying to help you." when we went back to our room, another loud boom of thunder. he looked at me. i said, "you can do this." the kids were all encouraging him as well. (teaching win.) usually by this time, he'd be curled up in a corner shaking and crying, scared out of his mind. at this point, he hadn't shed one tear and i wanted to keep it that way. i moved his rest mat close to my desk. he laid down. i leaned over and whispered, "i am so SO proud of you right now. keep up the good work." (big smile outta ray.)

then between thunder claps, there was a knock at my door. it was ray's dad. i walked over to the door slowly and when i saw him i whispered, "he's getting through this and he's doing just fine. he yelped, "really!?" i pointed over my shoulder and there was ray with a big smile on his face. the dad was flabbergasted. (as was i...but i had my poker face on.) i told his dad to go back to whatever he was doing...ray would be just fine. (he smiled, and left.) throughout the rest of storm, i kept flashing him encouraging looks and then finally he just seemed to be over it. the storm ended just as rest time did, so when we got up he kinda looked out the window like, "well that wasn't that bad." as all this was going on, i got a text from one of the other kindergarten teachers that wasn't even in school (due to a meeting)...she wrote, "how is ray doing with the storm?" so you see, we all know the severity of his fear and genuinely care for his well being. here is this other teacher (9 months pregnant, mind you) in a meeting for a kindergarten assessment program we have to be trained on...she heard thunder and thought of ray. (this is what teaching does to you...these kids become your own.) i texted her back and said, "he conquered his fear! i'm so proud of him! it was awesome!" all three kindergarten teachers were excited for ray. (i might've thrown a fist pump in the sky as well.)

when the kids came back from gym class, i had ray stand up on a chair and i stated to the class, "so something big happened today (drum roll please)...ray conquered his fear of thunderstorms!" (i explained that conquered means to "get over.") the kids went wild. claps, cheers, high fives...and then an unprompted group hug for ray. (i got chills.) the kids were SO excited for him and i could tell by his ear to ear grin that ray was also excited for himself. at the end of the day, he came back to my desk and said..."so you told me the thunder is just a noise the clouds make when they come together, and the lightening is just electricity like a light in the sky...why was i so scared before?!" (lightbulb moment for ray.) i said, "well i've been trying to figure that out all year, ray...but now that you have it under control, you don't have to worry about it anymore. as long as you are in a safe place like a school building, a car, or your house...you are safe." he hugged me. i hugged him back. these little moments in teaching are what keep me going. it's normally not something catastrophic that touches my heart, it's little light bulb moments that make a difference. ray is one of the brightest students in my class. he is reading above grade level, is awesome in math, writes very well, and has handwriting to rival my husband's. however, he just had this pesky embarrassing fear that he had to get over...and with 26 days to spare in kindergarten, he did it. i couldn't have been prouder of him. as usual, the kid's in my class every year always teach me much more than i teach them. after this magical moment, i realized i should probably conquer my own fear...and get my pansy ass on a plane. maybe i need a five year old rooting me on...i'll ask ray if he's up for the job.