weird

ever have a moment in your life when you stop and think, "is this really my life?" yeah...it happens to me a lot. (almost everyday.) however, on friday afternoon when there were 4 kids running around my house, my husband was texting me nonsense from a bachelor party, and my best friend was laid up in the hospital...i repeated that quote over and over again in my head. now as you know, my life is full of craziness most of the time...but this weekend took on a whole new kind of weird. when i woke up friday morning, butch said goodbye, headed to work...and i knew i wouldn't see him until sunday. i got my break last weekend, and he earned his. i actually looked forward to a relaxing weekend of nothing to do. then early in the morning, a good friend called and said they had to put down their family dog. (yuck.) this is one of the things as an adult that i am not looking forward to, at all. (awful.) of course i asked if there was anything i could do...and she said she needed help with their kids. (hence the 4 children in my house, as opposed to 2.) the more the merrier!

meanwhile, fen (who just got back from the dominican republic) has been feeling crappy for a few days and decided it was time to go to the doctor. normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but when she went to the office, he said she was severely dehydrated and needed to go to the ER. (yikes.) i wanted to be there for her, but i had a gaggle of monkeys back at the ranch and thought it was best to not show up at the hospital with my own zoo. therefore, she was texting and calling me most of the day and keeping me posted. turns out she contracted some pathogen that she picked up in the foreign land, and they had to pump her with antibiotics. i have written about the perils of fen before, so i can tell you that i was not surprised by this at all. leaving for vacation perfectly healthy and then winding up with some body attacking pathogen? par for the course for fen. (jesus.) she was all hopped up on morphine at one point and started texing me goofy shit. i said, "are you high?!" she said, "OHHHH YEAH BABY!" (dear god.) finally, her boyfriend came down to give her a ride from the hospital...but not before snapping a picture and emailing it to me, telling me that they had to cut off both of her legs. (not funny!)

subject line: cutting off legs.

the kids were being wild and acting crazy as usual, at about 4pm i was wondering if was acceptable to tap the box of wine that i got for the weekend. meanwhile, i got a text from butch stating that he had arrived at the bachelor party at the beach...and was drinking scotch at seacrets. (easy johnny walker.) i said, "who the hell drinks scotch at a beach bar?! how old are you?" he replied, "it's the best bang for your buck!" (surprised he didn't have a coupon.) i didn't have many requests for warren before he left for his trip...only two. they are as follows: 1. don't get arrested. 2. don't die. he's gone away before on trips and i've stated that it's kind of like letting a wild animal out of a cage. he usually goes ape shit. (see bachelor for more about this) also, he also somehow falls into crazy shit. (everytime.) he was eager to tell me on that one of the guys hired a stripper. (oh good.) some girls get wound up about that kind of stuff...i am not one of those girls. (who cares.) he also mentioned that she smacked him with a belt. he was laughing hysterically about this upon telling me...like a hyena. (dear god.)

ape shit. 

so friday night, the i got the kids to bed and indulged in a bubble bath, a book, and my box of wine. (classy.) i had just gone downstairs and sat on the couch, when our dog started barking. without any warning...my aunt and uncle and another (hilarious) couple blew through the door. (holy hell!) i was drinking wine by myself in my pajamas. apparently i entertained them for an hour, and then snuck off to bed without any warning...leaving them sitting in living room. (i houdini often.) i talked to my uncle the next day and said, "what happened!?" he said, "we sang, we danced, we laughed, we cried...and then you whisked yourself off to bed without any warning." alright then...glad i could be a good host. (yes.) saturday was a little less eventful (less weird.) however, ella chose not to nap in the afternoon and instead serenaded me with songs from across the hall. one of the songs was about poop. (a whole song about poop.) carrie also just randomly started walking around that morning. (for the first time ever!) she also decided to wake up in the middle of the night, for no apparent reason. i brought her in bed with me and she was flailing around like a 20 lb sack of potatoes that grew arms and legs. at one point, she headbutted me in the mouth/nose. i saw stars. (and they weren't the ones in the sky.)

this morning, despite the heat...i decided that i really needed to get out for a run. note to self: when embarking on a 4 mile run, while pushing 50+ pounds...10am is not a good time to leave to "beat the heat." moreover, you will almost puke on the side of the road and sweat so much you can't see. (it was not good.) i didn't go to church on sunday morning, but you can bet your sweet ass i was talking to jesus. i know summer is supposed to be hot...but this weather is pretty extreme. someone please tell me when i moved to...hell. i swear that the devil was on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings in my ear. (enough is enough.) anyway, i wrapped up my run and when i got home i looked like i jumped in the bay along the way. (drenched.) i came around to unstrap ella and she said, "eww...my dosh. you are sooo fetty mommy. it's gross." (thanks, babe.) i made lunch (orders up!), and wouldn't you know it...warren blew in the door early. (he was shirtless.) i didn't expect him back until later tonight. he said he had, "had it..." with the whole thing and was ready to come home this morning. (maturing, maybe?) he looked rough...but he wasn't in jail or dead, so i was happy to see him. i was also happy that this wacky weekend seemed to be wrapping up.

somewhere between fen's body attacking pathogen and almost passing out on the side of the road, i was ready for this weekend to be over. i'm ready to get back into the routine tonight of sipping out of my box of wine and watching dateline. (livin the dream.) i'm glad to report that fen is feeling much better...and she will be able to keep both of her legs. (not funny.) warren is alive and well, and has many a tales to tell from the weekend. (no jailtime, though.) i am slowly recovering from heat exhaustion due to my ambitious run this morning...and my children are still happily making messes and making us nuts. my house looks like a cyclone hit it, and there are about 42 loads of laundry to do. but i did get to go to the grocery store this afternoon, without using the racecar cart. when i got home from there, butch was getting out of the shower and i said, "another shower?" (he already had one.) he then said (and i quote), "apparently you can't wash off drunk."(awesome.)  so much for a relaxing weekend with nothing to do...however, i wouldn't want it any other way. weird weekend commence...and onto another weird week, i'm sure. is this really is my life? yes, i believe it is. godspeed and good riddance to all those involved.