safe

so i would say about 3 weeks before vacation i decided to order some new undergarments. as i age, functionality definitely trumps fancy in that department. i went on one of my groups of middle aged women who post the best deals on amazon (what up, kristin!) and searched through the posts. low and behold i found some that looked comfortable. i clicked order and they arrived a day later. my husband opened the package and usually doesn't comment on much...but stated, "who are THESE for?" i stated, "me!" he gave me a look somewhere between confusion and despair, but was very careful with his words. he then mumbled, "those look very SAFE." (i lost it laughing.) a few weeks later i liked my comfortable under britches so much that i ordered more of the same variety. we were traveling at the time and i said out loud, "i REALLY hope no one steals my underwear package off the porch!" without missing a beat he said, "NO ONE...literally NO ONE is going to steal those. also, they will bring them right the hell back if they do!" (again, more laughing.)

let me also say that one of the reasons (aside from functionality) i needed new undergarments is because i had to size UP. upon stepping on the scale yesterday after vacation, i realized i had undoubtedly gained the covid-15. add that to the 15 pounds i gained during the gluttony (and stress/switching jobs) of last summer, and that's an extra 30 pounds since last june. i've always been pretty candid about my weight, but the goal always is to feel healthy and happy with how my clothes are fitting. the leggings and sweatshirts i was wearing everyday during quarantine have now segued into flowy summer dresses. not getting dressed in teacher clothes since march has not been good for the waistline. i know many of you can relate, and that's why i'm sharing. however, i'm no stranger to weight gain and i think my greatest performance was my first year of college when i surpassed the freshman 15...and gained the freshman FORTY. (this is not my first rodeo.) i happen to enjoy beer and burgers (a lot), but my metabolism is that of a speed bump, so i have to watch everything i put into my body. i still run and am active everyday, but when your caloric intake is that of a sumo wrestler...watch out.

that all being said, i need to get myself together and i'm committed. my current goals are to drink more water, eat cleanly, limit alcohol, and be more mindful about my overall health. this pandemic has taken a hit on many people's mental and physical health and i know i'm not alone. you know what else i'm not alone in my lady friends? can any women out there tell me how we used to wear brassieres everyday!? (holy hell.) i've been walking around my own house like something out of a national geographic magazine, but when we were going on vacation with my husband's family, i packed a few normal knocker lockers. the first day i tried one on and was like...'nope!' so i went down to the old walmart and picked up a much more comfortable one of the hanes variety with no wire. apparently my husband didn't see it the whole vacation, because when we arrived home i was getting undressed for a shower and he whipped around and gasped. (loudly.) i said, 'WHAT?!' he then yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU LOOK LIKE MRS. DOUBTFIRE!!!" (i couldn't breathe.) with the uncertainty of next school year looming...i'm choosing to focus on comfortable undergarments, fitness goals, and humor. mrs. doubtfire...over and out.