seventeen

seventeen years ago on this day, when i was seventeen, i lost a dear friend of mine in a tragic hiking accident when i was in high school. although it has been seventeen years, the memory of that day and losing jon is forever in my heart and mind. tragedies (and triumphs) have a way of sticking with us long after the day leaves us. the date is always a reminder. in some ways this is a blessing, and in others it is a curse. although this incident made me learn hard lessons at a young age, i am one of those people that believes that everything happens for a reason. from the time we are born until the time we die, our plan is laid out for us and sometimes what you think is supposed to happen in your life does happen. sometimes it doesn't. i believe we meet certain people to teach us lessons along the way and people come in and out of our lives for that purpose. anyway, enough preaching...these are some of the ways that this tragedy shaped my life thus far. 

first of all, i remain friends with many of the same people (seventeen year olds) that i went to high school with and were also involved in this incident. it forced a bond between us that i feel will never be broken. i love and respect these people and will be attending weddings for four (four! wtf.) of them (including fen!) this year. good people and friends are hard to come by, so i never take that for granted. secondly, i married jon's best friend. butch and i were close since the time we met in sixth grade, but when i started dating jon, butch was more of the third wheel and was around all the time. the three of us have so many memories that i am forever thankful for. third, my first born was born on the same day that jon died, but 11 years later (cue spooky music). could this be a coincidence? possibly. but i choose to believe otherwise. ella's birth transformed a very sad day for both butch and i and made it into something special.

finally, the older i get the more i realize that life is too damn short. now that i have children, lightening speed is more like it. my mentality when i was seventeen is so different than now, but after jon's death i realized that if you don't find the good and fun in every single day, it will be lost. since then, i have chosen to live out loud. i work hard (well, during the school year), play hard, appreciate everything i have, and let the people in my life know that i love them. although i don't have rainbows and unicorns shooting out of my ass at all times, i try to be happy and kind to other people around me as much as i can. i love the quote that says that people are often fighting a battle that you know nothing about. it's so true. it's human nature to judge people, but how we treat them is a different story. i've met a lot of people along the way, and appreciate each person that has come into my life, because they have taught me an important lesson in some way.

along with jon's wicked sense of humor, i also miss his roguish smile, his sarcasm, his love of music, and his ability to make others laugh. he was also my first love. the day after he passed away, his mom said to me, "he will forever be seventeen. he won't age, he won't go to college, he won't get married...he will always just be seventeen in our hearts and minds." that stuck with me always. how jon truly lived in his seventeen years is a testament to his character and to the people he knew and loved. i know for a fact that jon meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people...and i also know that he is thought about and missed by a lot of different people. maybe you will be raising your glass to another memory that is meaningful to you tonight...maybe another tragedy or triumph that has stuck with you over the years, like me. make sure you appreciate that moment and hold onto the things that are momentous in your life. as i watch my 6 year old blow out her candles, i will raise my glass to her, to all things i am thankful for, and to a guy who is forever seventeen...but will certainly never be forgotten.