simple

so ella got a lot of really cool presents at her birthday party this past weekend...but this one seemed to be her most favorite. someone needs to explain why this always happens. i mean, it legitimately looks like that giraffe from toys r us threw up things all over our house and backyard...but she was marching around yesterday with a mask made ala lager box on her head. even though it's kind of unnerving to have all of these toys for your children and then they prefer a beer box...it's one of the things i love best about kids. (their imagination and creativity, that is.) one time in my classroom i brought in a 6 pack of play doh and let the kids have at it. in about 15 minutes, they had an entire restaurant set up...with a kitchen, waitstaff, customers, and a cook who was serving play doh delicacies. so although i know technology is blowing up the free world right now, i also know that i do not need to shove an ipad in my kids' faces for them to be happy. technology is great, but not as great as a child's mind. as a mother and a teacher, i strongly feel this way. (steps off soap box.) now i'm not getting all high and mighty (or judgy) with those mom's that let their kids play video games and stuff like that, i'm just saying that i feel like as a generation we rush to placate our children with that shit and really...they are able to figure it out on their own. (you have to give them a chance.) when i was a kid (and being a pain in the ass), my mom used to simply say, "go play." (and we did.) little ones have fierce imaginations...and when they get "bored" is when their creativity really starts to brew. (i know this to be true.)

this catapults me into my next point...although technology is booming, kids still play with some of the same toys that i had when i was a kid. (other than boxes.) for instance...barbie dolls. ella received her first ever barbie as a birthday gift this weekend and as she opened it...i couldn't help but wonder when barbie became such a whore. (hear me out...) she was always really pretty (even 'back in the day') with her blonde hair, big boobs, and small waist...but i don't really remember the excessive amount of make up or accessories that she comes with now. i'm not one of those feminist mom's that said, "my daughter will never own a barbie"...she just never had one up until this point. when she unwrapped "hairdresser barbie" i did a double take on the box to make sure it wasn't "hooker barbie." i scanned the plastic container to see if she came with her own box of condoms. i shit you not, she did come complete with pink hooker boots and enough makeup to put rupaul to shame. this being said, i will not ever stop my daughters from playing with barbies if that's what they want to do...because i also enjoyed them as a kid. moreover, i don't think girls get a distorted self image by playing with them. (as some people believe.) girls know that real women don't look like that, i mean hell...my kids have me as their mother. i'm no barbie. (i'm like barbie's shorter, chubbier, brunette sister.) but i guess barbie has done a bit of a metamorphosis over the years and i kinda missed that. (make up and all.) ella thinks her hooker boots are really cool and as long as she doesn't ask me for a pair just like barbie's...i think we are good.

alright, enough about this toy talk. having a party (especially one of the birthday variety) is a complete pain in the dick. it's so much money, work, and effort...and then it's over in a couple of hours. i always clean like a banshee the days leading up to it and then it's a huge shithole after the event. in other words, i should've just left it a shithole, so it could get even more shitty. anyway, i had all the cleaning and cooking done prior to heading out for a run on saturday morning. butch was in the lazy boy watching frozen for the 3273 time with the kids when i said goodbye. i embarked out into the sunshine (hoping not to shit my pants) and when i arrived back home (46 minutes later), i opened the front door and was smacked in the face with the smell of gasoline. i couldn't even get a word out before he hopped around the corner and said, "i'm sooooo sorry!...i thought i could treat my poison ivy! over the kitchen sink! i only used a LITTLE BIT of it! and it still smells so bad!" (he was talking in exclamation points.) i. went. off. and gave him all kinds of colorful hell. i really wanted to high five him...in the face. with a chair. i started with, "didn't you learn your lesson the LAST TIME!?"...as this is not his first rodeo with the gasoline. a few months ago, he dumped an entire bucket of it down the drain thinking this was the best way to dispose of the substance. our house smelled for a week. this is also not his first rodeo with poison...as it infected his penis one time and he chose not to tell me prior to having intercourse. (no words.) it was clear though..that he had not "learned his lesson" because he did it again. nothing says "happy birthday, little ones!" like the smell of gasoline permeating your walls and furniture.

despite the smell, the party basically went off with out a hitch. we are at that weird transition stage where not all of our friend's have kids...only some of them do. you don't want to not invite the people without kids, but you know damn well that they probably don't want to subject themselves to the torture of 16 kids under the age of 10 running around the house and yard like little assholes. so your guest list includes mostly families, and a few close friends that can tune out the madness with the help of a few beers. at one point when there was an entire crazy asshole train of kids running and screaming through the house...i looked over at my dad. he said, "i'm too old for this shit...and went to grab a some sangria." (i already had a solo cup full...it's how i survive.) after the guests left and my own kids went to bed, i sent all of the boys out to the bar. first of all, i didn't want them messing up the house any more than it already was. second of all, i wanted them out of my hair. however, at 2am when warren still wasn't home, i called him and (kindly) asked him where the hell he was. he replied, "no worries! i'm walking home from the bar and i am going to get a ride the rest of the way with a bunch of mexicans!" sadly, this is not his first rodeo with this either. (stellar end to a child's birthday celebration.) so now that the birthday party is behind us..and we have enough tutu's and hooker barbies to last a lifetime, we can say sayonara to another year gone by. ella is pumped with her best present from the party ever...a beer box helmet. moreover, my kids forever remind me to enjoy the simple things. as we slide into summer, i promise not to forget the joys of lightening bugs, s'mores, sprinklers...and let's not forget the sangria.