privacy

it's beginning to look a lot like...spring? it's the first day of winter, i live in maryland...and it's 70 degrees. (wtf.) mother nature seems to be behaving like a typical woman...very confused. (and also a tease.) hell, i'm not complaining....i hate the cold weather and you know damn well that next week old man winter will slap her out of the way and it'll be like negative zero again. i love it, but it's kinda hard to wrap christmas presents and bake cookies when you feel like you should be spring cleaning and planting flowers. this aside, i am so very thankful to have the next week and a half off. i can catch up on stuff like housework and play with my kids. that being said, this morning around 7am both of them were in our bed acting completely ridiculous. this is after we heard ella across the hall saying, "daddy! daddy! daddy! daddy!" (repeat 234 times) to come get her. they were fighting for arm space with butch and my one year old (who doesn't talk) sounds like a baby pterodactyl when she doesn't get what she wants. you know the scene in the movie dumb and dumber with "the most annoying sound in the world?" it's that (x10). i remember when ella went through this phase and i wanted to invest in earplugs. (the worst.) so she was screeching and ella was face palming her away as i said to my husband, "i need to go to the bathroom." this is code for, "please don't let them bother me for 5 minutes so i can poop in peace."

i guess he missed the memo, because about 3 minutes later...ella came plowing through one of the bathroom doors wearing princess heels and holding a wand, followed by her sister through the other door from the hallway wearing pajamas and a smile. i said, "can i PLEASE have some PRIVACY!?" to which they both starting laughing (not funny!) and then ella said, "i love you, mommy." i was eye level with her (because i was sitting on the goddamn toilet) and she leaned over and gave me a kiss. (getttt outttt!) there are little things you take for granted pre children...like being able to drop a deuce without unwanted interruptions from your offspring. (truth.) anyway, during breakfast, butch stated that he needed to run to the store to get stuff to make more boilo (just don't burn the house down). he told me he was going to take ella with him. (yes, please.) i said, "can you just take both and make sure you get the race car cart? i really want to get some cleaning done." (without a one year old trying to reinsert herself in my vagina.) he eyeballed me. i eyeballed back. he said, "yeah, i guess...but only if you get them dressed." (dammit.) ella is into doing everything "myself" these days so getting dressed sometimes takes a good 20 minutes. i let her do her thing even if she's trying to shove her head through the arm hole or put both legs through one side of her pants. in order for children to gain independence, you have to give them practice. (so i do.) it's painful to watch some times. (but also quite humorous.) with her shirt on backwards and her shoes on the wrong feet...they headed to the store.

as soon as they walked out of the house, it was eerily quiet. suddenly i didn't want to use this time to clean...i wanted to use it to drink my coffee and maybe take a poop...both in peace. i knew damn well though if my husband came back and nothing was done, he would ask me what the hell i was doing the whole time. drinking coffee and dropping a deuce would not be acceptable answers. anyways, i got a lot done in the hour they were gone and during my housekeeping duties i got a phone call from a friend. i was elbows deep in dishwater and as we chatted, i heard her three monkeys losing their minds at her house. she said, "your house is sooo QUIET! where are the kids?" (i explained.) i've come to realize that even if you can hear a pin drop before you get on the phone...as soon as you hit that call button it's like barnum and bailey themselves come into your house and set up a tent in the living room. (complete with elephants and clowns.) sometimes i'll be talking to my mom and she'll say, "it sounds a little crazy there...i'll let you go." let me go for what?! as soon as i get off this goddamn phone they will go back to being normal. (happens everytime.) so we hung up and shortly after this ella came back into the house yelling, "mom! mom! mom! mom! mom! mom! mom! mom!" (repeat 324 more times.) i said, "what?" every other time she said it, but she was too busy repeating it over and over. when i was a kid, i distinctly remember my dad saying dryly, "pick a new word." whenever we would do the "dad! dad! dad! dad!" bit. suddenly this now made perfect sense. pick a new word, ella...and please don't let it be "mom." (slowly turning in to my parents, shoot me.)

with the weather being the way it is and my 3 year old requesting naptime at noon today (that happened)...i kinda feel like i'm living in the twilight zone. moreover, my husband tends to go through different phases over the years. his newest one being as follows: wearing a weird hat, thermal underwear...and drinking scotch. i don't know when he turned into a sixty year old man, but it's all very strange. he, of course, thinks that it's funny when i mention how what he is doing is weird...which makes him want to make it a normal saturday night thing. so for the past couple weekends, this is what i've been staring at on the couch next to me. you can't see the scotch and thermals, but i assure you they are there.

i'm wondering with the warmer weather, whether or not he will still whip out this ensemble tonight. if i was a betting woman i would say yes. so cheers to possibly another wild saturday night of wine and dateline with this manly masterpiece. (i am one lucky lady.) three days til christmas and 11 more glorious days spent with my princess and pterodactyl. praying for time to get everything done....and the privacy to take at least one poop in peace. please.