waffles

so i was having a dream the other night that i was running in a race. it was on some high school track...and i was running the wrong way. people were elbowing me, yelling obscenities at me, pushing me out of the way, and i just kept running in the wrong direction with a big goofy ass smile on my face. (it was weird.) then i heard a familiar voice yelp, "get up! it's 6:23!!!!! get up!" turns out the familiar voice was my husband's and i was no longer dreaming...both of us overslept. maybe you are the type of person that always oversleeps or maybe you oversleep every once in a while...i can tell you with honesty that i am at the complete other end of the spectrum. i never oversleep. (ever.) that being said, in the eight years that my husband and i have been teachers...we have never overslept. (not once.) let me tell you though, what a god awful feeling that whole shebang is. first of all, you wake up all disoriented because it's, like, not your normal time (or way) to wake up. then, once you get your bearings about you...you have that "oooooohhhhhhhhhshiiiiiiiiitttttt" moment because you know you are going to have to do like triple time to get to work or wherever you have to be. this was my first experience with this in my adult life and i didn't like it one bit. as i shoved my contacts in my eyeballs and my husband got on all fours and shoved his head under the tub faucet (?)...i thought there is NO WAY i'm going to make it on time. (none.)

on a normal day, the alarm goes off at 5:30 and my husband hops out of bed (balls akimbo) and gleefully gallops to get in the shower. i lay there and scratch my ass for approximately 10 more minutes and then roll out of bed like a rape victim. my hair is always all over my head, i'm missing pieces of clothing, sometimes mascara is smeared under my eyes, and the older i get the harder it is to do things like walk, when i first get up. so anyway, i'm no sight to see as i stumble into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. however, yesterday morning butch and i both acted like we did a line of cocaine combined with a shot of red bull before firing ourselves out of bed. when he said, "it's 6:23!!!!!" i did the math and realized i had approximately 7 minutes (seven.) to get myself and both kids out the door if i didn't want to be late. (good one.) anyway, i brushed my teeth, skipped the make up, threw on a dress and went over to get ella. she was laying there awake and said, "oh hi mommy, i pooped!" (ohhhhmyyyyygoooddddd!) so i scooped her out of bed and changed her. i then went to door number 2 to grab thing 2, and she was standing up in the crib staring at me. the whole entire room smelled like shit. (ohhhhmyyyygodddddd!) so i grabbed her and changed her as well. although i have mentioned the simultaneous shits of my children in posts before, it hasn't happened in quite some time. of COURSE it would happen on a day (the only day ever) i overslept. (of course it would.)

as i drove to the sitter, i remembered that we had a buncha big wigs coming to our school to observe teachers and to start the process of renewing our charter. (i work in a charter school.) i don't mind when these people make appearances, mainly because when i am at work i do my job. i can also say that i am good at my job...i am pretty confident about that. therefore, i don't mind if people want to come in my classroom and observe at anytime. (bring it.) however, i didn't really want big wigs walking in my room, just as i sauntered in sans make up (and deodorant) in the early morning after over sleeping for the first time in eight years. due to some small miracle, i made it to work just a few minutes late. (before my student's arrived.) i'm not going to say how fast i was going on the beltway, but if i would've been pulled over i may or may not be behind bars right now. (whoops.) so i got everything set up for the day and my students arrived shortly after that. the thing with teaching is that you can't just hide in a cubicle for part of the morning, sip your coffee, and get acclimated for the day. once the kids arrive, you are on. (and it's on like donkey kong.) whether you are running late or not, you have to act like you have your shit together. if you don't, the kids will smell your uncertainty and take you down. (take you down to china town, people.) i smiled, said good morning to each one of them, and we got started on our first activity for the day.

not only were the big wigs scheduled to arrive yesterday, i also planned to make waffles with my kids that morning. you are probably thinking, "waffles?...what the what?" here's the thing, every week we start new letter and this week it happens to be "W"...so on tuesday (our first day back from spring break) we made a list of words that begin with that letter. one of those words happened to be (you guessed it), "waffles." when one of the children said it, a deep discussion followed about how delicious waffles actually are. they were all nodding in agreeance and i thought to myself, "i should just make them waffles." then i said (out loud), "i have a waffle iron at home, i can bring it in and we can make waffles for snack tomorrow if that's something you would like to do?" hoots. hollers. high fives. in other words..."bring on the waffles, teacher lady." (done.) now here's a little back story about the waffles and it involves my husband. tuesday is a day that i typically get the kids from the sitter. this was also a day that it was pouring down rain. therefore, i texted butch and said, "can you please pick me up waffle mix at the store on your way home?" he said yes. if you are a mom you know that running into the store for just one thing with two kids, especially if it's raining outside is such a pain in the ass. i was thankful he could do it and then called him and said, "i don't care if you get generic (or use a coupon), but PLEASE make sure that you get the mix that you don't have to add milk or eggs to. i don't have a fridge in my classroom." he said, "okay." (famous last words.)

so naturally, later that night when i pulled the mix out of the bag...i realized he got the kind that you have to add not only water...but milk, eggs and oil. (all of that.) seriously, why don't men listen? what is wrong with them? i ran up the steps, box in hand, and said, "what the HELL!? i asked you to get the mix that you only have to add water to!" he looked sheepish and said, "oh. isn't that the one i got?" (no it isn't, warren.) read the fine print there, skippy! actually, i doubt he even turned the box over. he went on, "well it said, "waffle" on the front so i just grabbed it." (oh good.) anyway, i ran out later to get the right box of mix and he chuckled at himself as i walked out the door. (keep chuckling, ahole!) as i pulled the (right) waffle mix out of the bag in front of my students, i had a flashback to his smug smile and cursed his poor listening skills. (men.) once again, the kids in my class knew nothing about the story with the mix, the (crazy) morning i had, or who the big wigs were that walked through our room to observe...they just wanted to learn and later make some waffles. after our mandated work, each one of them helped to add the ingredients and we talked about measurement while we were doing it. some took turns stirring the batter and others passed out plastic forks, knifes, and plates. their excitement was palpable and as i poured the first batch of batter into the iron...they were all giggling. my first waffle was a failure, it got all stuck and stuff. one kid said, "it's okay! just keep trying." (practice what you preach, i guess.) so finally i got it up and running and i was cranking waffles out like aunt jemima herself. it was like educational ihop in my classroom. (teaching win.)

i arrived at school today with my own little chicken in tow for "bring your child to work day." here's the thing, usually this is like the easiest day of the year for me because i always have a bunch of kids absent. however, i've never brought my own kid with me until this year...so that made it a little different. i think it's safe to say that when ella actually goes to kindergarten for real (in a year...what the hell), i'm going to have to be medicated and wear a muzzle. it's going to be hard for me to just "let her go" and trust that the teacher is going to be a good one. i never really understood why parent's got wound up about sending their kids to school for the first time,  but now i get it. moreover, last night while getting ready for bed, she got in a slight altercation with her sister. i reprimanded both of them and then...she swung at me. she didn't make contact, but i assure you if she would have...i would have had a mental malfunction. butch heard me say, "you don't hit mommy!" later that night he said, "if she hits you in front of your students...game over." (game over, indeed.) good thing she kept her swings to herself at school and luckily the whole day went off without a hitch. (sorry to disappoint.)

this week i was reminded of a coupla things. first of all, sometimes being an adult sucks and oversleeping is the ultimate worst. secondly, although men usually have good intentions...they don't listen half the time. (or any of the time.) lastly, although the waffle mix was only $1.67 at the grocery store it made a lasting impression with the little ones that i teach. not only will they never forget the sound that the letter W makes, they learned other things like cooperation, measurement, sharing, manners...and most importantly, they had fun. i hope that ella's kindergarten teacher will take the time to do things that the big wigs may deem "unconventional"...if not, everyone loses. oh, and back to that dream i had the other morning about running a race the wrong way but smiling about it? maybe it was a creepy premonition about how that morning was going to go...or maybe it was a metaphor for my teaching practices? all i know is...i wasn't the only one in the classroom with a goofy smile on my face when i whipped out that waffle iron. after a long week, i'm headed over to fen's tonight to solve world problems with the help of wine. aunt jemima...over and out.