bunny

so we woke up on saturday morning and had the bright idea to go to the mall. the kids both needed new shoes and i had a gift card to one of the shops there, so we went. if you are a parent, you know that most days you are up at the ass crack of dawn...and you expect the rest of the world to also be awake. so when we drove to the mall at 9am and the parking lot was basically empty, i said, "i guess they aren't even open yet?!" (i was shocked.) if i have to be up at 7am on a saturday, the rest of humanity should be as well. (goddamnit!) we parked anyway and went inside. let me start by saying that i dislike "the mall" greatly. i hate the way it smells, the way it sounds, the way people are roaming around just itching to spend money...it's just not my cuppa tea. i can count on one hand the amount of times i've been to the mall in one year. however, we found one of the "play areas" for the kids and let them have at it. we weren't the only parents there that early, either. we sat there and all i could think about was the amount of germs on the giant octopus that carrie was...licking. ella was rubbing her face on the side of a whale, just as i watched another little one vomit on a plastic boat. (the dad froze and then ran for wipes.) even though it was kinda painful, it was much better than chuck e cheese. (trust me.) i was just happy not to see have to buy queer coins and see that costumed mouse dancing around with his stupid purple hat. (so dumb.)

when the mall actually (officially) opened, the play area became flooded with kids...and we got the hell outta there to get started on our shopping. as we walked to the shoe store, we happened to see a huge set with camera's nearby and butch said, "what the hell is that for?" i whispered, "i think it's for the easter bunny." (he gasped.) the man got giddy. (giddy as a school girl.) he said, "well we can take the kids to see him then!!" (joy.) now let me say that around christmas time, i purposely didn't take them to see santa...mainly because carrie is afraid of everything. (afraid of the world.) i knew it wouldn't end well so i didn't even attempt that nonsense. however, there was no avoiding it when we just so happened to be at the mall and the oversized easter bunny was there as well. moreover, my husband was insisting we see this damn rabbit. (you win, warren.) first of all, how do these people sign up for these jobs. is there like a wanted add in the newspaper? wanted: person to dress up in a (creepy) costume as the easter bunny at the mall. what are the prerequisites for such a position? all i knew yesterday morning is i was really glad didn't have that job. they had a large fan blowing on him, because i'm sure the costume was hot as hell. the "photographers" (using that loosely) were the type of people that took their job a little too seriously, even though they shouldn't. these two chicks were (deadly) serious about their work and when i asked them if we could just snap a picture with our cell phones (even though there was a sign not to), she became irate with me and told me my phone would "mess with their equipment" and "the company would not be happy with me." (gees, okay, lady. calm down.)

so when the rabbit casually came around the corner, i saw that his head was extra huge and his costume was extra creepy. (yikes!) ella just kinda stared at him (like he was a car wreck)...and she just couldn't look away. then she looked at me, looked at the bunny, back at me, back at the bunny...and i said (in my best "be brave!" voice), "you can go say hi to him!!" she shook her head no. (hahah!) so i said, i'll walk over with you. (even though i'm scared as well.) carrie was in my arms (clinging like a spider monkey) and had her head buried in my shoulder, hiding her eyes from his super huge head. (butch was standing there laughing.) as we walked toward him, carrie refused to make eye contact. (if she could talk she would've said, "oh hell no...") there was only one other couple (and kid) in line, so i gave her a minute to warm up. (she never warmed up.) one of the photographers then said, "alright! let's put them both on his lap and get some good shots!" ella was a little tentative, but climbed on up...carrie started crying before i plopped her down. before you judge me and call me a bad mother for putting her through that, she sat there for approximately .5 seconds. (enough for the camera to flash.) she is reaching for me in the picture, because i am standing right there. i felt bad for her, but it was pretty funny. (and the picture is priceless.) she was not having any parts of it and wanted everyone (including the rabbit) to feel her pain. (as if he probably wasn't already having a bad day.)

the kicker to all this is that after it was all over...we were staring at (laughing at) the proofs on the computer and the photographer said (again, she was dead serious), "so which package would you like to buy?" (PACKAGE!?) i bust out laughing and said, "ummm...how about the cheapest one?" this isn't a framer, lady. we don't need multiple 8 x 10's and shit. she then said, "ok, that'll be $22 for two 4 x 6's." if that isn't a kick in the balls, i don't know what is. (sheesh!) i bet butch was pissed he didn't have a coupon. carrie was still peering over my shoulder at this point, making sure that bunny was still sitting. i don't blame her, because as my uncle put it, "he looks like a registered sex offender." (blahahah!) so as we walked away with our overpriced pictures and on to get an orange julius, i couldn't help but think this is yet another thing that they don't tell you about in the parenting books. stuff like, "your kid will be so afraid of a costumed creature that she will legitimately lose her mind when encountering one that she is supposed to be excited to see." (no doubt santa claus would've also sent her into a tailspin as well.) so i must say, i am good on mall trips for the next, like, year or so. the fact that we just so happened to run into that rabbit, made it that much more painful. however, ella seemed to enjoy herself and i guess in the end that's all that matters. we walked out of there that day with two pairs of new shoes, two over priced priceless pictures, and one more memory to add to the bank. that's a win in my book...but i'm not quite sure my one year old would agree.