clog

this weekend marked the third and final event slash traveling hat trick in the past month. it's safe to say that we will not be traveling anywhere anytime soon. our three ring circus is back in town and will be setting up camp for a long time. (thank you lord.) although i love attending fun things such as weddings and parties, when we had to travel (again) this past weekend...i would've much rather thrown myself over the bay bridge than pack up the kids and the car and go on another trip this weekend. moreover, when our sewer started backing up into our house on friday night...you can times my previous statement by one hundred. after working all day on friday, coming home, feeding the kids, cleaning up around the house, packing for our travels, and putting the kids to bed...i decided to get a shower. as i was pulling conditioner through my hair, i heard what sounded like an elephant bounding up the steps. butch then busted through the door and was frantically yelling, "GET OUT! GET OUT! TURN THE WATER OFF AND GET OUT!" to say the least, i was startled. i almost slipped and slammed my cranium off of the chrome. i hit the water off, pulled back the curtain and whisper yelled (cause the kids were sleeping), "WHAT IS GOING ON!?" 

butch could barely speak and was quite hyper. he then somehow got out (barely) that the water was backing up downstairs and the half bath was now flooded. (his arms were flailing.) i grabbed a towel (conditioner still in my hair) and ran downstairs to see about 2 inches of water on the floor...and there was stuff floating in it. (gross.) he yelled, "SEE!!" (ohmygod.) so i told him to go get the shop vac...and i immediately called my dad. (mr. fixit.) he didn't answer, but called me back shortly afterward. i explained the situation. upon further inspection, we realized that both the toilet and the shower drain were overflowing with water. (and shit.) i then flashed back to thursday, when butch poured professional drain ACID down our pipes in the upstairs bathroom to get rid of a clog. (butch + acid = bad news) my dad explained that whatever was clogged in the upstairs must've been blasted down the pipe to the downstairs...and was now clogging the pipe to the outside, hence causing the backup. (oh good.) butch was still acting hyper about the overflow, and i was trying to calm him down. (easy there.) my dad told us to go get more acid to put down the pipes in the downstairs to see if it would get rid of the clog. i was concerned about the thought of my husband interacting with more acid...but at least he wasn't pouring gasoline down the drain this time. 

unfortunately, the acid didn't work. we had to turn the water off and had limited use of our toilets. (ie/no flushing) after having to go to dunkin donuts to take a dump the next morning (really happened), i decided to call roto rooter prior to leaving for our trip to pennsylvania. (i'll have a sausage egg and cheese, three donut holes, a pumpkin coffee...and the use of your facilities. thank you.) here's the thing about growing up in a small town...you can trust people and you know people to do certain jobs. for instance, if you have car troubles...you know a good mechanic that won't take you for a ride when it comes to repairs. if your drain backs up, you know a guy that will come fix it and won't overcharge you. when you aren't living in small town USA, you have to call roto rooter...and then they will send you someone that you aren't sure if you can trust or not. when vella (that's what his nametag said) showed up at our door, i had a feeling things weren't going to go very well. i said hello and shook his hand, baby on my hip. he just kind of smiled and nodded at me for a while as i explained what the issue was. it was very clear from the get go that this man spoke very limited english. now i am a pretty tolerant person...but i am also a person that believes if you come to our country and want to live and work here, the least you can do is learn the language. likewise, if i moved to another country...you can bet your sweet ass i would have enough respect to learn the language for my own sake, and for the sake of my neighbors. 

this being said, when he was just smiling and nodding at me...i had no idea how much of what i was saying he was understanding. however, i gave him the benefit of the doubt...at first. i explained to him what my dad said about the clog, and where my father thought the clog was...and how to get to the clog to snake it. he smiled and nodded. then he said, "you dad built house?" i said no, but he knows about pipes. smiled and nodded. it was very awkward...and then butch came through the door. (he had run out. to take a dump.) i stayed in the other room, and he showed the guy where the clean out valve was. butch said he just smiled and nodded at him. then, from the other room...i heard the guy say. "4-4-9" i heard butch say, "so you can come back between four and nine to fix it?" again, the guy repeated, "4-4-9" then added "dollars." i yelled from the other room, "FOUR HUNDRED FORTY NINE DOLLARS!?" and i peeked my head around the corner...to see him smiling and nodding. listen pal...if you want to charge me that much money, you better be able to explain what the cost of the estimate is for and what exactly you are doing. i said, "so what exactly is that for? do you know how to fix the problem?" more smiling and nodding. (jesus.) he then left and walked out to his truck...without saying anything. i called my dad. my father thought this whole situation was just higghhhhlarious. (i was not laughing at this point.) butch and i were standing in the living room and the guy proceeded to start up his truck...AND DRIVE AWAY! (where the hell are you going, vella!?) 

i hung up with my dad...who was having a small seizure on the other end of the line, and called roto rooter headquarters. i talked to a representative (who spoke very fluent english) and told him what had just happened. the entire time i was telling him the story...he was trying not to laugh and when i finally said, "then the guy just got in his truck and DROVE OFF!" he lost it. laughter exploded into my ear and i was left smiling and nodding on the other end of the phone. (come ON!)  so anyway, this was at 10:30am...and we were supposed to leave the house by 8am. (great.) thankfully, a friend of ours "knew a guy" that does plumbing. butch called him and within 20 minutes he was at our house. within 10 minutes of being there, he cleaned out the clog and was packed up and ready to go home. he charged us $20 bucks. (twenty.) my dad always said growing up, "it's not what you know...it's who you know." how very true. this all being said, fen also had a similar situation at her house a year ago and also had to call roto rooter. they came to her house, took her toilet off of the floor, flung shit all over her freshly painted walls...and charged her four hundred and forty nine dollars. (true story.) she had to bend over and let the plumber get her up the butt with a plunger. (not literally, but figuratively.) what else could she do though? she didn't "know a guy." that plumber saw fen and also saw a large "sucker" sticker pasted right to her forehead. (he was right.) 

after arriving to the hotel with an hour to spare before the party, i was quite glad that we had even made it. moreover, as we blew into the party in our color coordinated outfits...i bet no one had any clue that we had been shop vacing shit up off the floor just a few hours before. (par for the course.) when it rains, it pours in this house...and sometimes it pours shit out of your pipes when you are getting ready to head out of town. i'm so very thankful and appreciative for honest people like the guy who came and fixed our clog. i am also thankful for people like the first plumber...who at least made an excellent character in one of my stories. i also wanted to add that had we went with the roto rooter guy...we wouldn't have had to pay the full 4-4-9. we would've only had to pay 4-0-9, because when i told him i called them, my husband immediately went online...and found a forty dollar coupon. i just smiled and nodded when he showed me, very much like vella. coupons for clogged pipes? sure why not. just another added level of ridiculousness. however, if you are having plumbing issues and don't know who else to call...i've included the coupon for you to use. i just hope the guy doesn't get in in his truck and drive off before the job is done, leaving you up shit creek wihout a shop vac. you're welcome.