when he came back into the bedroom all out of breath, he said (defeated), "i didn't make it." i told him i watched the whole show from the bedroom so i knew that. i also stated, "so let me get this straight, you can hear the trash truck in the morning and it will wake you up out of a deep sleep...but you don't hear crying children in the middle of the night?!" (very interesting.) he then did his own stand and stare and looked like he wasn't amused by my revelation. i also told him this was the fastest i've seen him move in weeks. he found this to be quite humorous. (as did i.) alas, this was the first time he went running that day...but it wasn't his last. (stay tuned.) turns out about a week ago, sir lazy boy stepped on the scale and was startled by his own revelations. he casually told me that he had, "turned a corner" in respects to his weight. i said, "what does that mean...?" he looked at me and said, "i'm over 200 pounds." (woah.) i said, "well what did you expect!? you don't have the metabolism of an 18 year old anymore...you eat what ever you want and have limited activity. that is a recipe for fatness." (he laughed.) later that morning, i took ella to the doctor for a check up and then she went to lunch with me to meet a coworker. i asked butch if he wanted me to take carrie with me, too. he said, "no..i think i'm just going to walk up to redbox with her in the wagon." (ok then.) so when i got home from my lunch with ella, he said, "i have a surprise for you..." and whipped out a new pair of running shoes for me. (hot pink.) i said, "thanks. where the hell did you go!? you didn't get those at redbox..." he said, "oh, i went to the outlets." i yelped, "the ones over the bay bridge!?" he said, "yeah...they have good deals there!!" (dear lord.)
shortly after this, out of the corner of my eye...my retinas were assaulted by a bright yellow entity. i turned to see him holding a pair of the brightest running shoes i've ever seen in my life. he stated (drumroll please), "and these...are for me." (holy hell.) i must've contorted my face in a way that he didn't like, cause he acted all disappointed and said, "you don't like them!?" i told him that they were a little...bright. i went on..."are you going to wear those casually or are you actually going to exercise in them?" he said, "exercise." (yeah right.) i smiled and said, "that's great!" so after i put the kids down for an afternoon nap, i put on my new shoes and got ready to head out. (this is normal routine.) he looked at me from the lazy boy and said, "when you get back...i'm gonna go." (running?! this is awesome.) i shook my head yes and smirked. when i arrived back home, he was laced up and ready to go. he took my ipod from me and took some deep breaths before embarking on his newest adventure. i got showered and went out on the back deck to read and and get some sun, cause the kids were still sleeping. (naptime = awesometime) after a few chapters though, i began to get concerned. i mean, the man hasn't done much physical activity in a very long time and now he's just going to go running? i didn't know where exactly he was going to go...so i wouldn't be able to find him should he fall down. i had visions of him in the fetal position on the side of the road, babbling something about his beach body in his bright yellow shoes. (not pretty.) just when i really started to panic though, he blew through the back sliding door. he was covered in sweat, completely out of breath, and was very red in the face and extremities. he smelled like a goat.
i said, "so how did that go!?" (i was holding back laughter, as i was trying to be an encouraging wife.) he could barely talk, but stated that it "went pretty well." (looks like it.) he said he was quite winded most of the run, had to walk a few times, gave me his entire route, and then told me that after a few quick strides down the street he almost turned around and ran back home because he thought he might die. (oh good.) he also told me lots of people were staring at him. (excellent!) it was at this point that i burst out laughing and could not get my shit together. just hearing him describe the whole charade was too much for me to handle. then picturing those bright yellow shoes pounding off the asphalt was the cherry topper. (too much.) he stared at me as i was doubled over and said, "i'll do it again tomorrow...i guess." (i hope you do.) he did, in fact, go the next day which was last tuesday...but hasn't strapped those outlet sneakers on since. my guess is that he weighed himself last wednesday and after finding out he was under 200lbs again, was satisfied. (i would bet a paycheck this is what happened.) anyway, as we sat down to dinner last night i mentioned that fact that i was feeling like crap and i wanted to go full blown paleo this week. he turned to me from his double cheeseburger and stated (between chews), "yeah...let's do that." so i headed to the grocery store today to find some fruits, vegetables, and meats to tantalize his tastebuds. pretty sure he's going to want to kill someone or be back on the carbohydrate wagon by wednesday, but we will see how it goes. we also head to the beach this weekend, so maybe his "beach body" will make a debut appearance. (oh boy.) my only hope is that those highlighter colored shoes remain for his (limited) recreational purposes only, because for the love of all things holy...they are hideous.
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