newborns

i had an opportunity for the first time in a very long time...to hold a newborn baby yesterday. two things came to mind while doing so...they are as follows: 1. i really like holding newborn babies. 2. holding a newborn baby that isn't yours is even better...because you get to give them back. before you get all baby hate crime on me, let me explain. quite frankly, having a newborn is brutal. anyone that tells you otherwise is either living in lala land, or is a liar. (either/or.) i've often said that although having a baby (for the first time) is the birth of a new life...it is also like a death of your old life. you have to let go of everything you knew about your life before, because your life is never going to be the same. now i will add, when the second one came around i wasn't so shocked at how she shook things up...because her sister paved the path of destruction 2 years prior to her entry into this world. society makes having a baby look so wonderful and good...and it is, in a lot of ways. however, you aren't skipping around on a rainbow with unicorns coming out of your ass, your bundle of joy swaddled perfectly in your arms. it's really (really) hard...and someone should tell new mom's this instead of making it look so grand. along with the rewarding stuff, they should also show the shitty diapers and screams so that you won't think your baby is the spawn of satan when they start to act up.

so anyway, i went to visit this mommy friend and she stated that she has been out of the house without the baby only once in the past 3 weeks. (he's three weeks old.) i remember what that's like as well, and it's not so much fun. i was one stir crazy m'fer. also, there is the fact that you are a slave to the boob (if you are breastfeeding) and you start to feel like a farm animal, rather than a female. plus, when you first have the kid...you are relieved that they are no longer kicking your ribs from the inside, but now your body does all sorts of awesome things that you didn't know it could do. i'll spare you the details, but if you are a mother...you know what i mean. (i now pee my pants when i sneeze...and that's just the tip of the ice burg.) despite this, holding this new little life in my arms made me kinda want another one of my own. babies are funny that way, they look all cuddly and cute...and while staring at them you forget what it's like to wake up no less than 23 times during the night. (no thanks!) when i try to think back to a year and a half ago (with my youngest), it all seems like a blur. when people say time goes fast when you have kids, they are not joking. (it really does.) however, when you are zombie newborn land, the days go very slow and you are always praying for one thing...a full night's rest. if you could deal with their neediness during the day and then lay your head down in the evening, not having to at all deal with their nonsense during the night...you'd be golden. but again, that's in lala land. that never happens. they wake up and need shit...and unfortunately they don't wear watches.

as i handed my friend's handsome little man over (after holding him for a solid hour and a half), i felt a sense of peace. (babies can do that as well.) all of their newborn baby pain train tricks aside, they make you slow the hell down and realize what really matters. i then picked up my phone to check if there was any nonsense on the family home front and i had a hyper text message about the weather, from warren. he mentioned the word blizzard and in the next breath, felt the need to mention that our 3 year old did not nap. i wasn't surprised because two days ago she sang happy birthday (to herself) for a good hour she was up there. (happy birthhddayyy to eeellllllllllaaaaaa!) i was gone for 2 hours total and you would've thought that i left for a day and a half. (woah.) when i walked back into the house, mickey mouse was manning the ship from his clubhouse. butch had showered and shaved and said that he was feeling stir crazy in the house. (huh? it's been 2 hours.) i smiled and said goodbye...as he ran out to get some sam adams. (sheesh.) both of my kids immediately starting asking for stuff, such as (but not limited to) goldfish crackers, apple juice, and crayons.

 


so there i sat soaking it all in, hoping that the family i went to visit enjoys the homemade (stouffer's) lasagna and the boilo i brought them. nothing says, "enjoy your new baby." like a ten dollar family dinner and a ball jar full of booze.  (don't judge me.) later that night, my husband leaned over the laptop and said, "what are you writing about?" i said, "newborn babies." he said (matter of factly), "newborn babies make we want to barf." (and then dry heaved.)  i said, "i'm writing about what a pain in the ass they can be." (along with other stuff.) he replied, "THERE YA GO!...that's the spirit!" (bahaha!) so here's to all those new little "bundles of joy"...and also to the fact i don't have one of them cohabitating in my house, or currently hanging off of my left breast. today i raised my bloody mary to all the mommy's that are dealing with newborns right now, all the parent's who have gone through that stage already, and to all the new mom's that i know that are about to hop on the newborn baby bandwagon. better tighten up your nursing bra and buy an extra pack of depends...it's gonna be one hell of a bumpy (and extremely rewarding) ride.