chimpanzees

the only way i can describe what it was like going to church with a one and three year old in tow is this...i felt like i went to the zoo, sprung two chimpanzees out of their cages, and decided to take them to say hello to jesus. when we walked in, i had high hopes for our visit. i saw plenty of other children filling the pews and the place was completely packed. as we settled in, i said a silent prayer that my two kids would not be one of the ones that had to be escorted (kicking and screaming) out of the back by a family member. the choir started singing and carrie started pointing, ella sat straight up and put her arms in the air, like she was attending her first concert. (was waiting for her to whip out a lighter.) shortly after this, though, the singers lost their magic and my kids found other things to keep them occupied. although we tried to keep them both stationary, they were all over the place. (monkeys.) on my lap, off my lap, sitting next to me, sitting next to my husband, sitting on my husband, laying on the floor, laying on the pew...and my personal favorite, in between my husbands legs under a blanket. (think fort ala jesus.) i glanced over and didn't see either of them, so i had a slight panic attack...until he pointed between his knees and i realized they were under there. at one point, i almost asked the priest if i could borrow the rope around his waist so that i could tie them up. (i bet he woulda said yes.)

the only thing i will give them is this...they were quiet. even though my husband and i turned into their personal jungle gyms, they didn't say too much. i heard some other kids losing their minds in the back of the church (like yelling loudly for all to hear) and thought at LEAST they aren't doing that. (at least.) this is one of the things that i was really concerned with, though, because carrie is going through a communication phase that includes lots of screaming. her screeching would've been enough to shatter the stain glassed windows or scare jesus right down off of the cross. (seriously.) i was constantly waiting for loudness to explode of her mouth and was very relieved when it never happened. when we did the "peace be with you" bit, i turned around and apologized to the people behind us for all of my kid's monkey business. they said, "ohhhh nooo!!! they are being sooo good! and they are soo cute!" (good, you wanna take them home with you?) god made kids cute for a reason, this being one of them. cuteness allows them to be easily forgiven...even if your three year old just inadvertently elbowed you in the left breast and then flailed her fist at her father's balls, all in the house of the lord.

in the middle of mass, i don't know what i was thinking when i handed carrie a candy cane to suck on because about 5 minutes later she was covered in a candy coating. (sticky from head to toe.) she kept rubbing her hands all over my 16 year old cousin (and his white shirt) who was sitting next to me. he just stared at me when i apologetically handed him a wipe. towards the end of the service, ella really started to lose her mind and was whisper yelling that she "just wanted to go home." (she had a crazy look in her eye.) everyone was standing and singing and she was sprawled out on the pew moaning the dislike of her location to me. then, out of no where, she leaned up from laying down and said, "hey...i need a pillow!" (a pillow. at church.) as the last hymn was being sung, butch leaned over to me while holding carrie and said, "she's soaked." i reached over and sure enough there was a wet substance all over her crotch slash leg region. he was holding her out in front of him as if she was toxic. i didn't know if the wetness was caused by poop or pee...but i was hoping it was only the latter. i took this as our cue to exit. we walked out the back and i threw deuces to jesus as we left. thank god we had made it to (almost) the end of the service. 

a christmas hug....or headlock?

so onto christmas day...this is the first christmas in 31 years that i will not be spending with my parents and brothers. i have to say i feel a little weird inside....and a little sad. i guess this is what happens when you grow up and have your own family. peter pan was on to something when he said he never wanted to grow up. being an adult is for the birds. no worries, though...my own two hell raisers have caused enough christmas chaos to totally take my mind off of all of that business. best toy of the day brought by santa?? the buckets that their blocks came in...cause they can wear them on their heads. not the blocks...the buckets. i have also come to realize also that next year we should just buy two of the very same gift, cause one always wants what the other one has. (that's miiiiiiinnnneeeee!) moreover, butch sat down with ella to play with a lego set we got her and he informed me that he felt you needed a college degree to put it together. (he has his masters in education and still found it difficult.) carrie sat there and shoved the little pieces in her mouth, so i had to go fishing for legos in my one year old's esophagus. (that was fun.) our house looks like the giraffe from toys r us threw up in every room and we have family flying in tomorrow. (welcome to our home...you better wear shoes cause you are about to step on toys of all different shapes and sizes!) merry christmas to you and yours: from me, my coupon cutting husband...and our two church going chimpanzees!