people

my husband and my first born have been away for approximately a week. i'd say about night 4 (give or take) was when i started to go a little bat shit crazy. i'm on night 7 now and i'm fully there. (full bat shit.) carrie is cute and stuff...but she can't carry on a conversation. hell, the one day i was so hard up for adult interaction that i went to the grocery store with her after her nap...just so i could talk to people face to face. (i really didn't need to buy anything.) i don't know what that says about me as a person...i mean, i already know that i enjoy socializing and talking with other people, but going to the grocery store to talk with brenda the cashier and paul the produce guy? that's a little intense. i ended up buying stuff for dinner and inviting over fen. (more about that later.)  i'm (still) not working (one more week...eeek!), i was home with carrie during the day for 4 days straight. now sure, we got out of the house to do occasional errands, go for a run, play in the backyard, but other than that i felt like i was stranded on a deserted island...and that island was my house. carrie turned into a little needy monkey on that island (grunts and all) and all we were missing was the palm tree.

i did every household chore imaginable in the last couple of days as well. laundry? every stitch done. floors? clean. vacuuming? every carpet. ceiling fans? oh yes. i called butch one day and said, "turns out i don't need a house keeper, i just needed one less husband and one less kid. the house is so clean!" he said, "what do you mean? i don't make messes...all i do is lay there." his words. not mine. (i swear he said this.) anyway, my boredom morphed me into mr. clean, minus the bald head and bulging muscles.  also, the house is just so quiet. ella talks incessantly about anything she can...and butch is pretty much the same way. so without those two yammering on...there was not much noise, with an occasional grunt or goofy sound out of the chubby baby. it was nice at first...and then it just was weird. (hence, the desperate grocery store trip.) i may bust butch's balls (a lot), but he really is a good dad and a good husband. he's also another adult in the house, so that i don't have to resort to teaching my youngest child tricks...like a dog. (this happened.) she can now clap, blow kisses, do the cheese face, and throw her hands up into a touchdown pose. i tried to teach her to read, but i guess she's not ready yet...probably because she hasn't even said her first word.

alright, so that pretty much sums up my last coupla days...the nights were a different story. carrie is usually asleep by 7:30pm, so that's usually when i would pour a glass (or 5) of wine and relax. again, turns out i suck at being alone...so i recruited fen to imbibe in adult beverages and conversation, for the past 5 nights. (five.) we haven't spent that much time together since...i don't know when. last night when we went out to dinner she said, "how do we even have anything to talk about anymore?" the answer is i have no idea. i guess that's the mark of a good friendship, though...being able to find stuff to talk and laugh about five solid nights in a row, and not get sick of each other. the other people that i would normally recruit for social interaction were all on vacation...so it was fen to the rescue. if she hadn't agreed to keep me company...i surely would've been locked up in the insane asylum at the county hospital, babbling to myself and asking if i could go see brenda the cashier at the grocery store just one more time. (dear lord.) some people are okay being alone. i am not one of those people...and i'm not afraid to admit it either. 

so the past couple of mornings, i would start my day by calling ella. (who is 3.) she informed me today that she is not coming home from my inlaws house...she is staying there. i know that they are spoiling her rotten and she is all about it. every time i see pictures of her, she has on a new outfit or a new toy in her hand. i said, "don't you miss mommy?" (she had a blow up guitar in her hands.) she replied, "not weally." NOT REALLY!? (oh good.) meanwhile, i'm crying in my cheerios about missing her, and she's planning on staying out west and happily living out the rest of her days. (kids are awesome.) i mean, i only carried her around for nine months, shot her out of my lady parts, fed her from my own body, cared for her 24/7 the first year...but no worries, that new outfit and that new teddy bear you got are lookin' pretty cool. maybe the bear can take care of you. (geez.) i bet it's the equivalent of having a teenager tell you they "hate you" after you've raised them the past 15 years. (can't WAIT for that day. not.) she's probably in for a rude awakening when she comes home and there isn't toys falling out of the sky and she has to share the spotlight with her sister again. i am well aware that she will come marching back in the house with her toddler attitude and try to take over the world. (bring it, girlfriend.) 

tonight kinda feels like christmas eve, cause tomorrow i get to pick up my people at the airport. saying that i missed them is a severe understatement. by tomorrow evening i'm sure things will be right back to the way they were a week ago. ella will probably have her sister in a headlock over a toy, there will be 34 messes made around the house, butch will be scratching his ballsack on the couch...and i will be complaining about making meals. moreover, missing your kid like crazy and having them tell you that that don't "weally" miss you is just another kick in the pants with parenthood. however, while writing this today, i looked over to see carrie eating cat food...and clapping her hands. that's a parenting win in my book, the clapping that is. (it all balances out in the end.) soon i know ella will not be excited about a new toy...but a new car. before we know it, carrie will not be eating catfood...but visiting colleges. i needed this week to remember to slow down and enjoy the ride...i told this to paul the produce guy as i was picking out my unneeded apples. (he agreed.) more importantly, i needed this week to remember to not take for granted the relationships i have with the people in my life, especially my family and friends (like fen)...because sometimes at the end of the day, that's all you got.