memo

boy oh boy...was i glad to see this weekend. i forgot how much i appreciated friday, until i headed back to a full week of reality. moreover, i'm pretty sure that kids have sixth sense when it comes to certain things. for instance, i started back to work (with students) this week and both of my children decided that after an entire summer of sleeping through the night...that they were going to take turns waking up. every night this week. (every night.) i read somewhere that when there is a shift in routine, like going back to work...your children may start waking up in the middle of the night because they "miss you." um...i miss them too, but do i want to see their faces at 2am? no, sir...i do not. i'd rather be dreaming or rolling over and scratching my ass at that point in the evening. on wednesday night, butch rolled over when he heard carrie crying and just said, "they hate us. our children hate us." i don't think they hate us, but i do believe they think it's awesome to drive us to the point of insanity. they do a fine job of this on a daily (and now nightly) basis. pretty sure they didn't get the memo that i was going to need a full nights rest to deal with working in the real world. also, no matter how much you love your job...working in the real world blows. (big time.) 

monday morning was the first day in 9 weeks i had to wake up my kids and get them both out the door by 6:30am. this is no small feat. this is also the morning that i was juggling 12 bags and spilled coffee down the front of my (white) first day of school dress. instead of cursing and throwing shit around, i just started laughing. (better than crying, i guess.) so after a wardrobe change, i went into ella's room. i rubbed her back until she woke up and she sat up and said (startled), "WHY YOU IN HERE! DET OUT!" (oh my god.) i said (gently), "you have to go to KK's (her sitter) today...so you have to get up." she replied, "NO." okay then. i walked out of the room and into door number two. the chubby baby was also annoyed with my early morning wake up call. if she could talk, i'm quite certain she would've told me to "det out" as well. instead, she crapped her pants. i changed her shitty drawers and went back over to get my three year old teenager wannabe. we got out the door without any other issues, but the both of them were quite salty in the backseat on the way to the sitters.

most of the week went pretty well, minus the middle of the night wake up calls. until we got to thursday. thursday was one hell of a day. i walked in the door after work and ella said, "WHAT'S THAT FELL?!" (smell.) i did, in fact, smell something pretty rank and didn't know where it was coming from. upon inspection, i found a mouse in a trap in our pantry. i screamed like a little girl. i don't care if mice are dead or alive...i hate them. they are dirty little creatures that god should've never created. (yuck.) i slammed the door like the mouse was going to come back to life, get outta the trap, and bite me in the jugular. (it could happen.) later we were sitting in the living room and said, "what is that SMELL!?" butch said, "i don't smell anything." but then he looked around the room and said, "oh my god is that a...." i looked up and sure enough there was an extra large dog turd on the living room floor, among the blocks, a dora doll, and a pony. i jumped off the couch and said, "WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!" our dog never (ever) craps in the house, so maybe she also has a sixth sense and wanted to shake up our week as well? (who knows.) after cleaning up the poop, i was folding laundry and carrie decided it was really funny to walk around with a pair of my underwear on her head. i mean, she was cracking up...and so was ella. butch was just shaking his head and i had no words. here's a visual:

later that night we were getting ready to put the kids to bed and i said, "where is carrie's blankey?" we couldn't find it anywhere and then realized that he had left it at the sitter's house. (rats!) now if you have children, you know the importance of a lovey. ella has one blanket that she is attached to, and so does carrie. we thought we could fool her and give her a similar one...i tried three different blankets and she acted like all three were soaked in poison. she threw them at me and screamed bloody murder from her crib. she would not go to sleep without that lovey. butch then had to drive over to the sitters to get the blankey...just as fen blew in the door for a glass of wine. ella was in bed already and carrie was acting really clingy and crabby. after a week of working with a fresh batch of five year olds...i was whipped. i seriously felt like i was in a coma and just going through the motions. fen thought this was hilarious. she proceeded to make fun of the fact that i could barely function due to going back to work. i did not find this hilarious and wanted to assault her with my box of wine. (eff you fen.) so this was the close of thursday...like i said, one hell of a day.

i will say that other than the fact of feeling like i'm walking around half alive, it is good to be a productive member of society again. luckily, i have an awesome bunch of kids in my class this year...not alotta knuckle heads in the mix. i'm really looking forward to spending my days with them. one of the kids told me that i am the best teacher he ever had. i'd be flattered...but i'm the only teacher he's ever had. (haha!) i'm hoping that as my children adjust to their new routine, they stop periodically waking up to say hello in the middle of the night. of course last night (when we didn't have to wake up at 5:30am), they slept straight through without a peep outta either of them. (of course.) butch is back on the coupon campaign and his new thing is buying and selling things on ebay. (he's obsessed.) one morning i told him his shirt looked a little short and he said, "well i guess i've graduated to an XL then...maybe i should shop at the 'big and tall' store." i nearly spit out my coffee and said, "big and TALL? big? yes. tall? no." he started laughing hysterically...then added that he'd just have to get back on ebay and buy bigger shirts. (great.) not exercise, just get bigger clothes. (awesome.) i am looking forward to a new school year, a new set of shenanigans out of my own children, and everything the fall season has to offer. i'm also looking forward to sleeping through the night again...so someone please give my children the memo.